Going Through The Motions

I went to church on Sunday.  

I am highly motivated to keep the kids' routine as normal as possible, as they have enough changes to deal with already.  They love going to Sunday school and church.  Jersey #1 sings with the music team during the Sunday morning service.  We have a very loving church family, so it is nice to see friends.

Even so, I find it difficult to go to church right now.

My heart is just not in it.

I am SO caught up in my own pain, that I really don't have much concern for anyone or anything else.

I know it is wrong to be so selfish minded.

I know I am suppose to have my sights set on eternity.....keep pressing toward the mark.  

But, what I know to be true, and what I feel right now are not the same.

It is difficult to listen to other people tell stories about how God is blessing them, or how they can see a blessing in their circumstances.  I once thought I could see blessings too.  Even in previous trials, I could see blessings all around.  I always felt blessed before.

I don't feel blessed anymore.  Right now, I feel cursed.

I have heard enough sermons cautioning against trusting feelings.  Feelings are not truth.

God's Word is truth.

So, I went to Sunday school.  And to morning worship service.  And to the evening Bible study.

I went through the motions.

I am fairly certain that the way to get through this cloud of feelings is to study the Bible.  

I don't have much tolerance for false encouragements right now.  Too many of my hopes and dreams are currently shattered.  I need to cling to the truth.

By the end of the day, I was glad I went through the motions.

Our church teaches biblical truths straight from scripture.  I found that comforting.

I still have much to learn.

Somehow, a piece of truth pierced through my sorrow.

I may not actually feel God's presence right now....

But, He is still here.  He is in control.  He is still working in my life.

This much, I know is true.