Bowling

We have been enjoying many afternoons at the bowling alley.  The Kids Bowl Free program has turned into a real blessing for our family.  I had no idea the children would like bowling so much.  They are having such a good time bowling, that I decided to purchase the family pass, so that I can bowl with them.

The way the program works is that you go online and sign up.  They email me the free passes each week, and I print them out.  Each child can bowl 2 games, for free, each day of the summer.  The only expense is shoe rental.  Well, shoe rental can cost $2.25 per person, so that can really add up.  But, the bowling alley offered a "shoe pass" for the summer, to go along with the free bowling.  There was an upfront cost to get a pass for each kid and myself, at $9.95 each.  The shoe pass paid for itself by the 5th time we bowled.  The Family Pass allows adults to bowl with the kids.  That pass is for up to 4 adults, and costs $24.95.  That is a good deal all by itself.  But, then a special coupon code circulated, where I could buy the Family Pass and save 15%. 

In the end, I spent $9.95 per person for a shoe pass, and $21.21 for a bowling pass for myself.  That is hardly bowling for free!  But, that $80 is quite a deal for all of us to go bowling as many days as we want this summer.  By comparison, $80 is what one sport activity (soccer, basketball...) costs for 1 child, for a 2 month period.  So, I am quite pleased that the expense of this "free" bowling program is well worth the cost.     

On occasion, I will order a pizza for the kids to share.  They think that is a real treat.

Some of our friends have signed up too.  So now we have a fun, cool activity to do with friends on those hot summer afternoons.

When I tried bowling for the first time since purchasing the pass, I was quite rusty.  It had been over 3 years since I had bowled.  Jersey #2 looked at her score and told me that she needed to "kick it up a notch."  She then looked at my score and said, 

"You need to kick it up about 5 notches, Mom."

Thanks dear.

The Road to Orthodontia

Jersey #2 had an appointment with an Orthodontist this afternoon.

That was an adventure.

Everything is an adventure with Jersey #2.  You would think that I would be used to it by now.

From the time that Jersey #1 was two years old, I have been told that she will need Orthodontic treatment.  No surprise there.  My sisters and I all had braces.  We have big teeth and small jaws.  It happens.  Jersey #1 also has a couple gum issues that are suppose to be addressed by the Orthodontist as well.  All these years, I have been waiting for the visit when the dentist would announce that it was time for Jersey #1 to go for an Orthodontic consultation.  Much to my surprise, our new pediatric dentist announced that Jersey #2 needs an Orthodontic consultation immediately, and Jersey #1 will most likely be able to wait until around age 12, when all of her permanent teeth have emerged.  I did not see that coming!

In addition to very large adult teeth, and a very small jawbone structure, Jersey #2 has a crossbite.  On one side of her mouth, her top teeth fit over her bottom teeth.  By the time we look at the other side of her mouth, her bottom teeth fit over her top teeth.  

The problem that suggested to the dentist that it was time to meet an Orthodontist, was her severe overcrowding.  On Easter, Jersey #2 lost a tooth that was not suppose to fall out for another couple years.  Her adult teeth are so crowded that they are now pushing baby teeth out of their way.  

Our pediatric dentist gave us a recommendation for an Orthodontist.  I had not taken the time to research Orthodontists yet, so I made a point to inquire with my friends on Facebook.  In the past few years, I have paid attention to Orthodontist threads and conversations, to prepare myself for what to expect.  When I was a young teenager, my Orthodontist pulled the first four molars in my mouth, to make room for my incisors that were growing in front like fangs.  Nowadays, I hear from other parents that pulling teeth is not the preferred method, and expanding the upper jaw is more common, to make room for the teeth.  I have also heard rumors that some Orthodontists push for treatment on young kids, which is twice as expensive because they often also need treatment during the usual young teen time frame, after the permanent teeth are in.  I have observed more 10-12 year olds in braces these days.  I was pleased when my friends assured me that the Orthodontist we were referred to was really good, and quite conservative in his treatments.  A nice guy who doesn't push for treatment, and doesn't charge until treatment actually begins!  When his office staff were extremely sweet on the phone, I was even more encouraged.

The Orthodontist and Jersey #2 hit it off right away.  She said he was "very friendly."  He commented that she was "funny."  When a provider enjoys a visit with Jersey #2, then I know that they really enjoy their work.  Jersey #2 never follows the textbook.  She is always a challenge, that doesn't always make sense.  When the Orthodontist made a point to bring up her need for antibiotics prior to treatment....and to explain which treatments would need the pre-med....I knew we had found the right Orthodontist!  

I almost forgot what it was like to take Jersey #2 somewhere by herself.  She has so much energy, and just climbs the walls.  She explored every detail of the office, from the big couch in the waiting room to the electrical socket in the floor near the chair.  She was up and down and all around the place.  It is amusing to me that she is still this energetic and curious at 8 years old.  

She was this way as a toddler, and it was exhausting.  I was reminded of the time I took her to the urgent care when she was 2 years old, because he was sick and not acting herself.  I told the Doctor that Jersey #2 had much lower energy than usual.  The Doctor had such a puzzled expression on her face as she watched Jersey #2 climb all over the exam table, and jump off it.  She just could not believe me when I said her energy level was much lower than usual.  (Jersey #2 did have an ear infection and a sinus infection at the time, so she was treated anyway, in spite of her "energy" level).

I was internally amused when this "conservative" Orthodontist, who has a reputation for not pushing treatments, especially at younger ages, recommended some pretty heavy-duty treatment for Jersey #2.  I was not surprised (because this is just the way things go for Jersey #2), but I was amused.  There are going to be 2 phases of treatment for her.  By the time she is grown, she will have an 8 thousand dollar smile to go with her multi-million dollar heart!  Praise God for Health Savings Accounts and interest-free payment plans!

Phase 1 pertains to the treatment while she still has baby teeth in her mouth.  Phase 2 will be the normal braces process after all of the adult teeth are in.  The goal of Phase 1 is to expand her upper jaw, and make some room for those big teeth.  Thankfully, her crossbite is not a true crossbite.  It turns out that her teeth do align midline, but she compensates by adjusting her jaw into a crossbite to get her teeth to touch and be more comfortable.  The Orthodontist was able to get her to hold her teeth in proper alignment.  Jersey #2 thought that made her mouth and facial expression look "mad."  So, we started calling it her "growl" face.

    

Even with the expander treatment, there is a big chance that Jersey #2 may need to have some teeth pulled anyway.  The crowding on the bottom jaw is so bad that her permanent incisors are starting to turn sideways under the gums.  It would be a mess if those become impacted.  So, the Orthodontist hopes to monitor them for the next 6 months and see if they will make attempts to come upward.  If not, she may need to have some baby teeth pulled, spacers put in to keep permanent teeth from taking up the space, just to encourage those incisors to come up.  

Jersey #2 is taking it all in stride.  She was excited to hear that she will get braces put on 6 of her top front teeth.  There are many colors of bands that can go on those braces.  Jersey #2 wants to get a band in each color of the rainbow, so 6 braces is a perfect number for her plan!  

I wish I had her spirit to find the rainbow in my life's abnormalities.  

What a heavenly gift she is!

Junior Volunteer

This summer, Jersey #1 is getting the opportunity to be a Junior Volunteer at Galloping Grace Youth Ranch.

She is thrilled.  This is a dream come true for her.

Jersey #1 loves horses.  

Last summer, when we would visit the Ranch, Jersey #1 would admire the teens and tweens who were working as Junior Volunteers.  She told me that she wanted to know what it took to be a volunteer too.  We asked Cowboy Max about the requirements.  When he mentioned "maturity" as the first requirement, I could sense Jersey #1 perk up.  She has always been described as mature, so she knew she had what it took.  She just needed to have another birthday to be old enough for the program.  She even asked for cowboy boots for her birthday present.

I told her she also had to work on her attitude.  She had to expand her attitude to have a "servant's heart," and be willing to cheerfully help others.  I suggested she had to demonstrate this improved attitude at home, before I would allow her to volunteer at the Ranch.  Her determination was incredible.  She made a point to be more helpful at home, to assist her younger siblings without asking, and to complete chores and instruction without complaining.  By the time the Ranch opened, Jersey #1 was an entirely new kid, who hardly ever complains anymore. 

Part of her experience as Junior Volunteer has been to work with a group of kids who are visiting the ranch.  She goes through each station with them, and helps them enjoy the activities.  Part of her duties include chores around the Ranch.  No matter what is asked of her, she always tells me her work time at the Ranch was awesome.

In order to train the Junior Volunteers to assist the Ranch in a uniform manner, Cowboy Max has been holding training sessions.  Jersey #1 is learning so many cool things.  She is learning to catch a horse, lead it, groom it, put on a saddle and harness, and fit helmets on the kids.  She has received a couple opportunities to ride, where she had to practice an emergency dismount.  I was not expecting this, so it was a shock to look up and see her jumping off of a moving horse!  The adult volunteers who are training the Junior Volunteers in advanced horsemanship are really amazing instructors.  I am learning so much, just from standing near them to take pictures.  Jersey #1 is learning so much that she is all smiles when she talks about the Ranch.  

Homeschool Highlights

We are wrapping up our school year.  Preschool, 1st grade, 3rd grade, and 5th grade are almost over.

I actually prefer to finish our school year by the start of May.  It is nice to have the month of May as one of our summer months.  The weather is great for outings.  Plus, most places for outings are not very packed, since the public school kids are still in school for most of the month.  This year, things did not go so well for that schedule.  We had to take quite a few unexpected breaks due to severe disruption to our family, pregnancy complications, and the death, premature delivery, and funeral for our beloved son Titus.  So, this school year, we are still schooling through the month of May.

It isn't so bad.  The kids are learning many things.  

Jersey #4 turned 5 in March and instantly decided it was time to learn to read.  She has been working through her preschool workbook with gusto!  She has so much enthusiasm for learning.  

She also appears to be super smart too.  She is grasping phonics easily, and is reading 3-letter words.  Tonight, she completed this page of her workbook, entirely on her own, reading each of these words by herself.  Even though I have taught her 3 older siblings to read....and I understand the progression in this skill....it always amazes me when they really start to "get" it.

Part-way through our school year, Jersey #2 and Jersey #1 made very convincing arguments as to why I should switch their math from the ABeka workbooks we had been using, to the Teaching Textbooks computer program.  They both found the computer program to be a fun way to learn their math lessons.  They like the instant feedback on their scores, and the cheerful graphics that praise them along the way.  Jersey #2 had such a strong desire to be independent while learning math.  She is a math whiz, but grew frustrated when I had to teach her a new concept.  She wanted to get it on her own.  No amount of discussion from me or The Referee, convinced her that math needed to be learned by having someone else show you how to do it.  Teaching Textbooks has solved that struggle, and now she loves math again.  Since ABeka runs a year (to a year and a half) ahead of the standard school curriculum, I had to order her the 4th grade Teaching Textbooks math program.  (The TT 4th grade program had the same content as the ABeka 3rd grade workbook).  Jersey #2 loves that she is a 3rd-grader, working on 4th grade math.    

I require her to view the lecture for each lesson, work the practice problems, and then work the problem set.  If she scores lower than a 90% on any lesson, she has to come to me and we sit down and go through the missed problems together, so I can see what concept she is lacking understanding.  Regardless of her grade, I have her go through and view the explanation of how to work the problems that she misses.  It took 1 session of me sitting next to her to go over a lesson before she decided that she was going to pay better attention to detail.  She has not scored less than a 90% since.

The Enrichment Studies program we have Jersey #1 enrolled in covers her History, Literature, and Science coursework.  She completes math and language arts (English grammar) at home.  It was a learning curve to figure out how to succeed in that program this first year, but Jersey #1 rose to the challenge.  Her grades improved each quarter.  By the end of the school year, her assignments were becoming a family event.  When she needed to test some household items to see if they were conductors or insulators, her siblings were thrilled to help her find items to test.  

Jersey #3 took time away from the Wii to see if the banana was a conductor.  (It is not.)  His interest in food continues to run strong.  His 1st grade work is mostly workbooks and reading out loud with Mom.  He can't wait until he can do his math on the computer too.

Jersey #5 makes a point to remind me that he does not have to do schoolwork right now, because he is only 3.  We do not push preschool, but have preschool workbooks on hand if the kids show an interest. The girls were eager to work through preschool workbooks.  Jersey #3 was not.  He did not show an interest in schooling until kindergarten.  Jersey #5 started out like his brother, but has come around to the idea of learning his letters and coloring in workbooks.  He still gets to start and stop his studies on his own schedule though.  That is the fun of being "only" 3.

Annular Eclipse

The Annular Solar Eclipse tonight was AWESOME!

The kids and I got to enjoy it in the midst of an ice cream social at our church.  We had fantastic viewing right from the church yard.  We were surrounded by friends, and sugar in many different forms.  It was a blast.  

The kids brought their scooters.  Since the eclipse took close to an hour to go from start to full "ring of fire," the kids played and took random breaks to peak at the sky with their solar shades.

We had the official solar shades that were "certified" by the British Standards Institute.  Even though they looked like cheap, old style 3-D glasses, the lens was really effective.  We could not see anything through those shades, unless we were looking at the sun.

Other folks brought cool toys to aide in the solar viewing.  My friend brought a homemade pin-hole box, that could be worn on the head.  This is the type of eclipse viewing we remember as kids, before those fancy "eclipse shades" came out.  I had Jersey #1 try it out...

Another man brought his telescope and set it up to project the eclipse on a dry erase board for all to see. he really captured some good images.

I was able to get a few pictures with my camera, by placing my solar shades across the lens.  It is not quality photography, but it sure captured the excitement of the evening.

That was the best eclipse viewing I have ever experienced.  I am so thrilled at the opportunity to share it with my kids.  

I found it fascinating that this eclipse was an "annular" eclipse, meaning it was "circular," or like a ring.  Jersey #2 used to have a "trans-annular" patch, which meant that the patch went over the ring of her heart valve.  I am sure it is not normal to look at a solar eclipse and think of a heart valve, but these are the things that go through my mind...

Vulnerable

 This morning, I was standing the in kitchen, at the stove, sauteing vegetables, when I started crying.

I am dodging thoughts and emotions, left and right, and getting clobbered by a few along the way.  

At least I am not angry anymore.  That is something, I guess.

We switched internet providers, and the new service was set to be started up yesterday.  The Referee kindly took care of initiating the new service, and then came over on his lunch break to hook up the modem and have it all set to run as soon as the service was turned on by the company.  Much to my shock, a serviceman arrived at the door that afternoon, saying he was there to install.  I was not expecting an installation person, as everything was already in place, and nothing needed to be installed.  This man insisted he had to do the service.  In the end, he was wrong, and it was all set to be turned on.  But, he still succeeded in throwing me off my groove, and sending me in a frenzy. 

I do not like to be home alone, especially with my children, when service folks arrive.  I do not like strange men to come into my home.  I feel vulnerable, and unsure of how to keep the kids and myself safe.  Knowing this, The Referee has tried to set up service in the past, when he can be here.  I have always depended on my husband for protection.  

So, when this service guy shows up, I am in the middle of cooking grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.  As I try to explain to this guy that everything is set up....and he insists that he needs to check the "box"....and that means I have to bring the dogs in so he can go out to the side of the house......and the soup boils over, and the sandwiches burn on one side.  In the end, none of that was necessary, and he didn't even need to be there.  He did nothing but cause me unexpected stress.

By the time The Referee returned that evening, to make sure all was running well, I was still in a state of agitation and frazzle.  As I retold the story to him, I caught myself admitting out loud,

I hate feeling vulnerable.

And, then, a light bulb went on.  That's it!  That is what is holding me back right now.  When I pray to God that I want my life to be in His will, I typically have the *fine print* request that I will be willing to handle anything as long as I don't have to feel vulnerable.  I don't like to be physically vulnerable, or emotionally vulnerable.

Right now, I am so vulnerable that it isn't even funny.  

I am not in control of our provision.  I am completely dependent on my husband taking the time to transfer money into my bank account each payday, so that I can feed the kids and pay the mortgage.  He has been faithful to do so, every single payday.  Still, it is up to him to make it happen.  There is no legal documents in place to require it.  He is in control of providing for us.  I can only make financial decisions based on what I have.  I am having to live entirely in the present, and make sure the most basic of needs are covered first.  This is an entirely new way of living for me, as I usually like to dream, plan, and set goals. 

I am completely vulnerable in the state of my relationship with my husband, and our marriage.  The vows have been extinguished.  Nothing is sacred.  I do not get to choose whether the marriage will survive or end.  I have no way of knowing what the outcome will be.  I can choose to take sinful actions of my own, or I can choose to remain faithful to my marriage, and wait and see what happens over time.  I have never been good at waiting patiently for something that I want.  

I am completely vulnerable to the ways that our broken family is going to affect the children.  My heart aches every time Jersey #3 or Jersey #4 tells me, "Mommy, I miss Daddy."  I give them a hug, and answer, "I understand.  I miss him too."  I am so clueless as to how to handle this situation that I just have to pray, "Lord, show me the way."  Jersey #2 is my deep thinker.  She is struggling with the status of her character.  Is she a bad person?  Is the stress of her heart condition what was "too much" for her father to handle?  I have been told by others that they blame themselves for their parent's divorce.  I do not want Jersey #2 have such thoughts and feelings, but I can't control how this situation is impacting her.    I hug her and hold her, and remind her how God sees her, and how I see her...how special and amazing she really is.  I just hope and pray that I am enough of an influence to keep her self worth afloat.  With Jersey #1 I wonder if it is too late, or will things ever be able to be repaired?  She acts completely un-phased by whether or not she sees her Dad now.  She is pleased to see him when he comes around, yet doesn't mention him any other time.  Has she given up on having him in her life?  Oh, I fear the consequences of that path.  This is the vulnerability I hate the most.  Broken families create broken people.  I never wanted my children to be broken.  I just pray that I can be enough of a stabilizing force to keep them on a healthier path than the generations before them.  

I am completely vulnerable about my own future.  What plans can I make?  I have always defined myself by my faith and my status as wife, mother, and career.  I had always planned to be Christian, wife, mother, and doctor.  Letting go of the medical career plans when Jersey #2 needed me at home, was tough.  Letting go of the role of wife, because my husband left me, has been humiliating, sad, and lonely.  Letting go of my plans for motherhood, because my baby Titus died, have been excruciating.  

On Sunday, I heard word that there had been a death in the family of one of my Dad's coworkers.  A 17-year old boy had been killed in a car accident.  He was set to graduate high school next week.  I thought about the pain his parents were facing, having just raised this child to near-adulthood, only to lose him so suddenly.  It opened my eyes to just how short life really is.  I decided it was time to stop dwelling about my own life, and just deal with what came my way.  Life is too short to be miserable.  Spending all this time on the "what if's" and "what could have been's" is wasteful and inefficient.

If I am meant to go through life as a single Mom who does not have a husband to love me, then so be it.  If I am meant to parent the kids myself, and train them the in way they should go, then so be it.  If I am meant to do my best to raise the 5 wonderful children I have, and not one more, then I will just have to accept that.  If I am meant to have some sort of a career in the future, I will just have to see how that unfolds for me.  The only defining trait I have not lost is my faith that God is in control.  He will see me through this journey.

I reflected on the Not a Fan sermons, and decided that it was time to take the stand that I would be a completely committed follower too.  I will deny my own plans, dreams, and expectations for my life, and I will follow God's will for my life instead.  

I have been starting down the path to Nursing, and thought I could find a more efficient way to get there.  Instead, it has been clear to me that the path is a steady stroll, not a sprint.  I had to give up my career plans before, so this was an easy one to say to God, "Ok.  I let go of my plans for this course.  I will go through each door when it is opened, and not try to race ahead."  I was pleased with my progress and the peace it brought me.

Yesterday, when my husband came over to set up the internet, and we talked about some financial matters, my anger toward him dissipated.  I was grateful for the ways he was providing, and the things he was taking responsibility for.  I said to God, "Ok.  I will be grateful for all the ways that my husband is still providing for our needs, instead of focusing on what I feel is missing.  I will continue to respect him.  If I am meant to go through the rest of my life alone, I will."  I was pleased with my attitude adjustment, and the peace it brought me.

The true test has come at me in a slow buildup, until I broke.  It started with a couple different friends who are newly married, announcing their pregnancies on Facebook.  Their comments brought back memories of the time when my husband and I were young, in love, newly married, and excited about growing our family too.  Such bittersweet memories of our innocence.  Next, came the announcement of a new cousin who was born into the family.  I was truly excited for the parents.  Babies are a blessing.  Then, when the pictures went up on Facebook, I looked at the beautiful bundle wrapped up in the hospital blanket, wearing the hospital hat, and my mind was flooded with memories of being in the hospital to deliver Titus.  He was too small for the hospital hat.  I thought of all of the baby pictures I have of our beautiful bundles, wrapped up in those hospital blankets.  I remember the joy I felt as I admired each new life that was given to us.  I am sad to face the fact that those experiences will only remain as memories for me now.  There will be no more bundles of new life, wrapped in hospital blankets, for me.  And then I met up with a friend this morning, who happily shared that she is pregnant!  In the same instant, I was so very excited for her, and so very pained for myself.  Jealousy.  This friend and I have shared so many pregnancies together, and tales of our experiences raising a large family.  She is continuing on that journey, and my path has diverged to a new direction.  As I drove home, I repeatedly looked up to heaven and asked, 

"Really God?  Do I really have to face this now?  Do I really have to endure this test where I learn to accept that I will have no more children, and walk alongside my friend and celebrate that she gets to continue this journey and live a life similar to the one I dreamed of for myself?  I can handle other people being pregnant.  But, this one is really close to me.  This is going to require me to actually let go of my own desires."  I argued, "But, it is too soon.  I am still grieving.  I don't want to let go of this desire now."

As I stood in the kitchen, cooking vegetables on the stove, God spoke to my heart.

"Yes, now."

So, I cried.

I cried because the truth stands alone.  I must deny all of my desires if I am going to truly follow God's plan for my life.  It is not easy.  Actually, it is quite difficult.  My entitlements have been strong.  Letting go of them leaves me weak and vulnerable.  

I feel vulnerable.

I also feel peace.

It is Ok if I am vulnerable in this life's journey.  I have no reason to fear.  God is in control.

                 

      

Spontaneous

We were returning home the other day, and drove past the park.  One of the kids asked, "Hey Mom, when do you think we can go ride our bikes at the park again?"

I shocked all of my children with my response,

"Right now!  Go use the potty, get your helmets on, and grab your bikes.  This is great time to go to the park."

They were stunned.

At first, they were not sure if I was joking or serious.

I had to repeat myself, and assure them I was serious.

They were waiting for me to give them a long-listed excuse as to why we could not visit the park that day.  I have given plenty of excuses on other days.

One of the changes I am trying to make right now is to seize more opportunity for fun with the kids.  This season is short.  We have enough stress to deal with, and it does not appear to be going away anytime soon.  So, I am trying to make those memories that will be positive instead.  

The kids all have new bicycles from Christmas.  Everyone has a helmet that fits.  The park was newly renovated, and is perfect for riding around (where Mom can see them all clearly).  Opportunity is present!

We had a blast.  The kids get stronger and stronger in their pedaling and riding skills each time.  Some of the kids....Jersey #3 and Jersey #4 specifically....are way too daring on their bikes for my taste, but we all left with our teeth intact, so I call it a good day.