The Home Team: The Best Mother's Day

I was very blessed this Mother's Day.

My children worked hard to make the day really special and fun.

This is certainly one of the best Mother's Days I have ever experienced.

There have been many times when my birthday and Mother's Day were nightmares. My husband would choose those days to let his selfishness shine brightest, and I often assumed he was doing it purposefully to hurt me. Even though he can be kind and generous toward others, he was furious about any expectation that he should be kind and generous toward me. He typically expected to receive from me at all times, and did not have a servant's heart toward me at all. So, holidays such as my birthday, or Mother's Day, or times when my health required care (such as surgery recovery or a pregnancy complication), brought out the worst in him. Mother's Day last year was so awful that instead of a gift or a card, he informed me he wanted a divorce. [That day changed me, and I decided right then that I would never expect him to be part of any holiday or celebration in my life, ever again.]

Not all Mother's Day holidays were bad. I will never forget what happened on Mother's Day 2001. Mackenzie arrived stillborn June 2000, and our angel baby was miscarried February 2001. By the time Mother's Day arrived in May 2001, I was in a pretty serious depression about how painful it was to be a mother without any living children. The outpouring of support that I had when Mackenzie died, did not extend that far. The support following the early miscarriage was not as prevalent. I was so sad, so heartbroken, and so depressed. No one seemed to understand, and others expected me to be over it by then. I broke down in a fit of tears, and cried to my husband that no one was going to acknowledge that I was a mother on Mother's Day, because my 2 babies were dead, and not in my arms. Much to my absolute shock, my husband pulled out a Mother's Day card he had bought for me. I cried even harder. It was the sweetest gift ever. I was so deeply in need of that kind of compassion.

As the years went by my husband has often tried to down play what he did for me. He tells me it was just a card, and that it was no big deal. He did not mean it to be the big sentiment that I took it as. Regardless of how deep he felt or did not feel about me at the time, it was the thought that counted. He thought of me as a mother, even though my arms were empty, my heart was broken, and my babies were dead. At that low point in my life, what I needed most was for someone to acknowledge me as a mother. He filled a great need, whether he meant to or not.

This year, much to my surprise, The Referee acknowledged Mother's Day. He mentioned it early, and planned to take the kids out to buy me a present. Considering he lost track of Easter this year, I was surprised that he thought of Mother's Day. I was even more surprised that he took the time to take the kids out to get me a gift. Then, I was completely shocked when he emailed me to say that the gift the kids picked was not very expensive, so he was transferring the rest of the money he had budgeted for a gift to my bank account. Wow!

He also informed us that he would forgo his Sunday afternoon visit with the kids, so that I could spend time with them on Mother's Day. Jersey #2 voiced what we were all thinking....he could still come over and spend Mother's Day with us....but apparently that was taking it too far for him. He was willing to acknowledge the day, and get me a gift. He was not willing to celebrate it with me.

I used to believe that it was important for The Referee to teach his children how to treat me with respect. It turns out, I taught them how to respect and celebrate someone myself. Last night, just before bedtime, I over heard the kids talking to each other about how they were going to set up the dining room table with my Mother's Day gifts. Having the dining table decorated with gifts is a tradition I maintain for each of their birthdays. They love waking up to the celebration on the morning of their birthday. They wanted to create that same environment for me to wake up to on Mother's Day. My heart melted. What thoughtful children I have! The problem they were working out was how to get the gifts to the table, when they go to bed before I do, and most of them wake up after I do as well. Jersey #3 was the solution, because he is the early bird. He wakes up an hour before me, most mornings. They devised the plan that he would get up early, and wake up his older sisters, so that they could all get the Mother's Day surprise ready for me.

Things did not go nearly as planned, as I had to wake up earlier than usual to let out one of our dogs. Jersey #3 ended up sleeping in. After I let the dog out, I returned to bed, and let the kids wake up on their own and bustle about the house. As soon as everything was in place, Jersey #4 came into my room to ask if I was ready to wake up. It was so much fun to walk out to the dining room and be greeted by my smiling children, who had dressed themselves for church (they decided that they should help me get to church on time, since it was Mother's Day). They were so excited about their gifts, and could not wait for me to see them.

My children went out of their way to make Mother's Day wonderful this year. They know me so well. The evening before, they cheerfully helped me get the house cleaned up

Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 each made me a Mother's Day cake. This tradition of cake on Mother's Day comes from the Dora the Explorer cartoons. In a Mother's Day episode, Dora and her friends were preparing gifts for their Moms. Dora had to go out and gather the ingredients for a special cake for her Mom. Ever since we viewed that episode when Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 were preschoolers, they have enjoyed making or decorating a Mother's Day cake for me. This year, Jersey #1 made a jello cake with cool-whip frosting (a cake my Mom used to make during the summer, when I was a kid). Jersey #2 made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting (my favorite cake).

The younger kids got to take a turn adding candy sprinkles to the top of the chocolate cake...

We ate cake for breakfast. That was fun!

The kids were proud of the bouquets of artificial flowers they each picked for me. They put them together with a smiley face balloon, and made a beautiful display for the center of my dining room table. I love this. I love the idea of a bouquet of flowers in the center of the table, but I do not enjoy the price of fresh cut flowers. The kids found the perfect solution, and it is so beautiful.

The other gifts were sweets. I love sweets. Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 each gave me a chocolate caramel candy bar. That is my favorite chocolate candy. Jersey #4 gave me peanut butter cups. She later explained that she knew I loved chocolate, but that she thought I would get tired of the chocolate caramel, so she wanted to get me other chocolate that she knew I liked. She chose well. Gift giving from girls is different than gift giving from boys, even at these young ages. Jersey #3 gave me a bottle of Sprite (his favorite soda). Jersey #5 gave me a bag of sour jelly beans....and then immediately asked me if I would open them and share them with him!

At Sunday School this morning, the older kids made Mother's Day cards, where they had to write answers that described me. They listed things I loved, and ways I am patient with them. The cards were really sweet, and showed me just how each kid sees things. Jersey #1 said I loved science. Jersey #2 said I loved red and blue. Jersey #3 said I loved him! When commenting about what I give, Jersey #1 said I give my time to see my children learn. Jersey #2 said I give my kids love and comfort (she also mentioned in church that I comfort her). Jersey #3 said I give FOOD! Tears came to my eyes when I read what they wrote about what I "needed." Jersey #3 said I needed hugs. Jersey #2 said I needed a family. Jersey #1 said I needed my children, all thundering 8 of them! Sometimes I think my kids see right into my soul.

Attached to the cards were coupons good for services from the kids. They included washing dishes, an uninterrupted nap, and other chores. Each one stated, "without whining or complaining." Jersey #1 took extras, and proudly gave them to me, telling me that I can cash them in with her any time. Jersey #3 acted surprised that there was a coupon attached to his card. When I read it to him, and explained that it said he was going to be wiling to wash dishes without whining or complaining, he looked shocked. I asked him if he chose to give me this coupon on his own, and he shook his head no! He knew nothing about it. That cracked me up.

For fun this afternoon, the kids and I went bowling. I had signed them up for the "Kids Bowl Free" program, that gives 2 free games of bowling every day during the summer. The bowling alley also offered a pass for shoe rental, which will pay for itself by the 5th time we go to bowl. That is quite a deal. The kids had so much fun that we are certain we will go bowling as many times as possible this summer.

I don't think we have been bowling for at least a couple years. It took a few attempts before everyone got the hang of it. By the second game, there was a steep competition brewing. Everyone was trying to beat their previous score, in addition to trying to beat other siblings. Their bowling techniques had me laughing. Jersey #5 wiggled and bent, trying to will the ball in the direction he was moving. Then, he would jump and cheer when any pins were knocked down. Jersey #4 bowled so softly that her ball took a while to get down the lane. She would get tired of waiting for it, and would sit down, or lay down on the floor and watch. When Jersey #3 bowled a strike, his cheers could be heard across the entire facility. Jersey #2 and Jersey #1 were full of smiles and good cheer. We had a good time.