Parenting Debates

Just when I think I have it all figured out with this season of motherhood, I am thrown a curve ball. It has happened to me so often by now, that I find it rather entertaining.

With just about every decision we have to make as parents, there is a debate about what is the best choice. I am one who researches each topic and gathers all the data, before choosing the best course of action. I am very confident in myself and the motherhood/parenting decisions I make. I can debate my position all day, if necessary.

As my children and I get older, I realize that the debate is not necessary. Every child and every family is different. There is no clear-cut solution for any situation that will apply perfectly to everyone.

I find that the Moms who are quick to share their parenting choices and offer advice are the Moms who are the most insecure about the choices they have made. I suspect they are really looking for affirmation that they made the best choice. They want someone else to agree with them so that they feel better about what they are doing.

The Moms who have the most wisdom to offer, tend to only share when asked. They share what worked for them in a humble way, taking time to note what variables led to their success and why they liked the outcome of a choice they made. They present their experience in a way that lets other Moms know that there is no single right answer for everyone.

I started out as a hard-core debating Mom who just knew I had all the right answers. I found that to be a very stressful way to live. I was constantly keeping an eye out for criticism. I was on edge, waiting for the next opportunity to defend myself. I offered strict advice regularly.

My joke is that Jersey #3 is the child who humbled me. My first 2 daughters were so happy, smart, well-fed, well-rested, well-adjusted, well-behaved, friendly, and social....according to me. I was certain it was all because of my superb parenting skills and mothering choices. Jersey #3 was clingy, insecure, unsocial, and high maintenance. He forced me to eat every critical word or thought I had ever had about any other parenting style. That was a lot of humble pie!

I have since learned to recognize and appreciate the individual differences in my children, and how that makes them unique and brings adventure to my life. I am enjoying the motherhood roller coaster ride I am on. I find myself further from the edges of debate as time advances.

Now, when I hear another Mom dish out her strict advice on a topic, I try to hold my tongue away from the debate, and instead listen for cues to the ways I can encourage her about the decision she has made. Clearly she is considering what is best for her family.

I find it harder to keep quiet on some topics than others. It is a growing process and I have a lot to learn.

Each time that my own motherhood experience receives a curve ball, I amuse myself by looking back to where I was then and where I am now. That list is growing. Here are a few fun examples...

I used to believe that "time-outs" were a silly and weak discipline method. I now realize that they can be a great tool for learning how to cope when emotions escalate. I offer to my children that they can take their space on their beds if they want to tantrum, until they cool down and can conduct themselves respectfully.

I used to support vaccinations so much that I was certain everyone needed to vaccinate their children. After learning about some of the unethical practices of producing vaccines....such as the rubella, Hepatitis A, and chicken pox vaccines being made from cell lines of aborted babies...I now very carefully choose which vaccinations to give my children, and I completely support other parents having the right to choose a vaccination time line, if they choose them at all.

I used to whole-heartedly support treating ear infections with antibiotics, even though current recommendations advise that ear infections may be caused more by viruses than by bacteria (and antibiotics only work on bacteria). Considering the extensive ear damage that runs in my extended family due to ear infections, I argued that IF there was a chance the infection was bacterial, then I wanted to attack it right away to try to prevent damage. Now that I have a son who is allergic to certain antibiotics, it is time to delay such treatments and let nature run its course.....at least for him....because ironically, we treat Jersey #2 with antibiotic prophylaxis in an attempt to prevent heart infection, even though the exact source of the bacteria that leads to heart infection is unknown, and the exact amount of antibiotic that is effective is also unspecific.

I used to fear c-section as if it was a childbirth failure. After having 2 cesarean deliveries (for completely different reasons), I actually find the surgical deliveries to be really cool. I completely agree that recovery is easier and shorter following vaginal delivery. Otherwise, c-section versus vaginal delivery (including the subset of vaginal with or without an epidural) are really just different ways to experience the joy of welcoming new life into the world. I realize I am no less or more of a woman or a mother based on how or where my baby was delivered.

I used to be prideful when my children reached developmental milestones early and worried when they reached milestones on time or late. I now realize that every child is unique, just as adults are different.

I used to believe that infant formula was as unhealthy to an infant as rat poison. After Jersey #5 refused to breastfeed, and after I ran out of milk after 4 months of pumping, because a pump is not as effective as a baby, I was on my knees thanking God for the infant formula resource that was available for me to feed my baby.

I used to believe that preschool was extremely important for a child to become academically advanced. After Jersey #3 explained to me that he did not want to "do school" because he was still little.....telling me, "I'm only 3"....I learned that another year of unstructured days can be a developmental benefit, not a setback.

I used to believe that the proper bedtime routine involved a bath, lotion, PJs, and a bedtime story. After experiencing Jersey #2 become energized, not relaxed, after a bath and remain wide awake for an extra 2-3 hours at night, I started bathing her earlier in the day.

I used to believe that MY way was the best way to care for our children. Now, I fully realize the power of a Father, and how important it is to give The Referee the space to interact with our children HIS way. Our children are better off having both unique parents, instead of having duplicate copies of 1 parent.

Food & Finances Friday--Medical Expenses

Now that I am intensely focused on budgeting income and expenses, I am paying much more attention to what things cost. I double check medical bills to make sure that our insurance was billed accurately, and to check for accounting errors. I am amazed by how many errors are made on a regular basis in the medical billing profession. One time I was sent the full bill for a clinic visit, just because someone forgot to bill the insurance company at all. Another time, I was sent a bill for a copay that was paid by check. The check was cashed and cleared my account, and I had record of it! For the most part, folks have been friendly when I call to report an error. They usually apologize for the oversight and assure me that they are submitting the correct paperwork immediately.

I have also noticed a trend of folks blaming the insurance company first, and suggesting I call the insurance company before they are even willing to take a look at the error. I know that medical insurance companies are not favored these days, so it is easy to be mad at them and speak poorly of them, and no one will disagree. My experiences so far pile up the most billing errors in the hands of the person who received our file immediately after the doctor is finished. I am not yet clear who that person is, but he/she is not very diligent in their job. I am sure it involves a lot of data entry, which is very boring. But, it so important for that person to enter the data correctly, so that the insurance company will have all of the necessary information to process and pay the claim.

The folks I am most suspicious of recently are in the pharmacy. I've noticed that the only financial information I receive from them is listing the cost of the prescription co-pay. I do not receive any information listing the original cost of the medication, the percent my insurance company pays, or anything that I can use to check their math and make sure calculations are correct. I have also noticed that different pharmacies in town charge me different copay amounts for the same medication. That seems suspicious.

Last week, I had a run-in with a pharmacy tech that wasn't very cordial. The pharmacy gave me a half-filled prescription, because they did not have enough in stock. I was irritated that they did not tell me this in advance, so that I could choose to go elsewhere to get my prescription filled, so they received my feedback on that. Then, when I went back to get the second half of my prescription, I was told I had an additional copay for the medication. Even though I was picking up half of the medication each time, the two copays were not equal.

When I asked why I was not charged in full the first time, I was told that it was illegal to charge me for medication I did not receive. Hmm? Well, then why is it legal to charge me 80% of the cost of the medication, but only give me 50% of the medication? Then, when I return, charge me the remaining 20% of the cost to receive the remaining 50% of the medication???

Since Jersey #5 is allergic to the medicine, I did not need to pick up the remaining half of his prescription. So, in the end, I was charged 80% of the cost, but only received 50% of the medicine. The pharmacy simply re-shelved that med and will sell it to someone else for its value. By my calculation, that gives them the 30% as profit, because they are able to double charge for that same bottle of medication.

The pharmacy tech was more than willing to blame my insurance company by telling me that she can only enter the information into the computer, and the computer spits out the copay amount that the insurance company says I have to pay. She suggested if I had a problem with that, I should take it up with my insurance company!

Um, yeah. MY solution was to request that the tech place a note in my file that states I do not want partially filled prescriptions. I want to be notified in advance when they do not have my prescription in stock, so that I may take my business elsewhere. I live in a big enough town to have plenty of pharmacy options. I can exercise my consumer privilege in order to cut down on such pharmaceutical embezzlement!

Realizing my own advice, I see that it is time I shop around for better pharmacy prices and service if both can vary that much from store to store.

It is amazing what I learn when I start telling my money where to go, instead of asking where it went!

Mental Math

Jersey #2 has a gift for mental math. We learned this when she was in preschool, listening in on Jersey #1's math lessons, and shouting out the answer before her older sister could work the problems. She liked adding 3 single digits in her head, and really enjoyed the positive reaction she got from adults when she demonstrated this ability at 4 years old.

Since The Referee has a love for all things mathematical, he started playing math games with her. He would list out numbers for her to add while they were driving down the street. They moved on to series of numbers to calculate that were part of a pattern. In our nerdy family, we call this fun!

Dr. S, who has been our family doctor from the time that The Referee and I were married, is also gifted in mental math. It is fun to listen to him calculate prescription doses, out loud, instead of using a calculator or reference manual. I have double checked his math on prescriptions before, and it has always been correct.

It turns out that Dr. S took 2nd place for the entire state of New York, in a mental math competition when he was in 8th grade. After we admired his mental math skills recently, he shared more details with us. He said that to this day, he can still remember the 1 question that he missed, that the other kid answered correctly. He said he was rushing, and missed a simple one.

What positive integer multiplied by 2 is less than that same integer added to 2?

I was standing next to Jersey #1 at the time, and we both tried to figure it out. In my head, I was thinking.... 2x3=6. 2+3=5. Nope, that is not it.

That is as far as I got in my thought process before Jersey #2 shouted out the answer...

ONE!

We all turned to look at her. I didn't realize she was even listening to the conversation, let alone calculating the answer to the problem. Jersey #1 commented, "She is really good at doing math in her head." I agreed. Jersey #2 just smiled. Dr. S smiled at her as if they were part of the same club. The mental math club.

He went on to explain that he had answered zero. Even though zero works for the equation, it does not qualify as a positive integer. Dr. S said it was funny that he could remember that question that he missed after all these years.

I think it is funny that we have a nerdy family doctor who likes to play mental math games too!

HIVES

It has been a hive-filled week at our house. Jersey #5 had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics he was given for his sinus infection. He started a series of Amoxicillin last Wednesday. When I gave him his morning dose on Saturday, within 20 minutes, he looked like this.....

I knew it was hives right away. What I did not know is that it was an allergic reaction. Sure, the thought crossed my mind. But, I quickly ruled it out for a few reasons. First, he has taken Amoxicillin at least once (possibly twice) before, with no problems. Plus, no one in our immediate family has any food or medicine allergies, so this is not a common issue for us. Considering he has been sick for nearly 3 weeks, and considering he had been running a fever for the better part of the past 3 days, I really thought he was just having a skin issue from all the illness.

So, I gave him his mid-day dose on schedule.

We then loaded up in the car and spent the day at basketball functions. I watched a new set of hives appear and merge with the older set all throughout the afternoon. He was certainly allergic to Amoxicillin, no doubt about it!

This is what his hives looked like at bedtime. He even had some on his forehead. Most were on his torso and legs.

I knew he was having an allergic reaction. I knew that any more exposure to the allergen would cause an even bigger reaction. So, I knew we had to immediately stop giving him the medication. I did not know if or when he needed to see a doctor to verify and document this medication allergy. I called a friend who has children with allergies, to get some wisdom from her experiences. I then called the nurse hotline to inquire about when to see the doctor, and also to get the correct dose of Benedryl for his weight.

The nurse who answered was very friendly. She took down all of his information and the details of his hive situation. She entered all that I told her into a medical database and out popped a recommendation.

To my shock, the recommendation was to continue giving him the medicine until he could be seen by a doctor. The suggested timeline was to see a doctor within 24 hours.

I could not contain my shock, and actually blurted out, "You've got to be kidding me!" Even the nurse seemed a bit surprised. She carefully read every word on her computer screen, which said that because his hives did not itch, it should be assumed that the rash he has is actually a non-allergic Amoxicillin rash that 5-10% of children get. I argued that he did not have a rash, but indeed had hives. She argued that hives itch, so it must not be hives. She also told me to not give him Benedryl, since it was not an allergic reaction. I could not contain my disbelief. To add comfort, she assured me that a doctor may later tell me it was an allergic reaction, but until then, I should assume it was not.

Before becoming a stay-at-home-Mom, I worked for 4 years in biomedical research.....in an immunology laboratory! I understood the basics of an allergic response. More exposure to an allergen yields a larger allergic response! I attempted to explain to the nurse that if my son was allergic to the medication, then giving him more doses will cause a larger reaction in him, which could even be fatal. She agreed with me, and suggested that I watch him closely for signs of swelling and trouble breathing.....and if that happened to rush him to the Emergency room!

I was nearly speechless, so I quickly thanked her and got off the phone. I then attempted to process this horrible advice. On a Saturday night, when there were no doctor clinics available, I was advised to continue giving my son a potential allergen, and watch for signs of emergency. And the only reason I was told to do this is because a nurse did not believe I could identify hives, and a computer database states that hives must itch.

I marveled at the stupidity of it all. I decided that there was no reason to err on the side of creating an emergency. Instead, I halted the medication, looked up the benedryl dose on a pediatric site on the internet, and resolved to wait until Monday to try to get an appointment with our family doctor. If the hives were gone by Monday, and a doctor needed to see them in order to verify an allergy, then that experiment would have to be done during business hours at a medical facility.

This is what the hives looked like on Sunday morning. Many had grown together in large blotches, and were warm to the touch.

By Monday morning, the hives were disappearing rather nicely. They were much lighter in color, and much smaller in size.

I managed to get an appointment with our family doctor for the early afternoon. I decided to email the earlier pictures to him in advance, so that he could see how things looked during the weekend, for comparison.

He did not have a chance to check his email before our visit. He walked into the room, looked at Jersey #5 sitting on the exam table in a diaper, and exclaimed, "Boy! Look at those hives!"

Well, that settles it. I really do know what hives are! I was all prepared to defend my case, and there was no reason to do so. I gave Dr. S the brief run-down of events that lead up to our clinic visit that day. He chuckled at my initial disbelief about the allergic response and giving a 2nd dose. He nodded about the hives getting worse due to that 2nd dose. He gasped at the advice I was given from the nurse hotline. After I told him what I chose to do instead, he very seriously said, "You did the right thing." Then, he shook his head as he processed it all. He told me that hives are pretty distinguished so there was no reason to assume I could not identify them. He said they do not always itch. He said the medical database that the nurse line uses must have an algorithm that declares hives must itch in order for them to give such illogical advice. He then examined Jersey #5 and discovered that in addition to his sinus infection that started this whole adventure, he also has an ear infection and bronchiolitis (which was causing wheezing in his upper chest).

Dr. S explained that Jersey #5 can no longer have Amoxicillin. And, since we will tell everyone that he is allergic to Amoxicillin, odds are high that no provider will give him Penicillin either. But, rest assured, there are many antibiotics available, so all should be well. He prescribed a new antibiotic that was not from the Penicillin family.


Jersey #5 woke up with hives the very next morning following that first dose of the new antibiotic.....

So, it is back to the drawing board we go...

Upward Basketball

The Upward Basketball season has come to an end. It has been a fun winter sport. The end-of-season events filled our past week and week-end.

Jersey #1's team had an end-of-season pizza party. The coach delighted his team by painting his head green.

There was also an end-of-season ceremony to attend. The program our children participate in is a ministry of a local church. Since their sanctuary is not large enough to hold all of the participants and their families, they held 2 separate-but-identical ceremonies....one for the girls and one for the boys. Since Jersey #2 is playing on a co-ed team, her team was invited to the boys celebration. That meant that our family got to attend both award ceremonies.

The ceremonies were 2 hours long. Each. There was only a 1 hour break in between. That made for a long day! Plus, Jersey #2's team held their end-of-season pizza party in the fellowship hall of the church immediately after the ceremony. We spent over 6 hours at that church that day. It was a fun, full, and tiring day.

In addition to recognizing the teams, coaches, referees, and coordinators, there was an inspirational guest speaker, prize give-aways, and some messy games. At one point, some of the coaches tossed prizes of Upward gear into the air, in the direction of the kids.

Jersey #3 happened to catch a prize. He was thrilled to open it and find a basketball jersey just for him. It is a jersey from last year, but he is excited that he finally has a jersey of his own.

Jersey #3 is not the only one anxiously waiting to be old enough to play sports. Jersey #4 was standing on the pew following all the motions of the cheerleaders during their performance. She was adorable. Many parents commented to me afterward, that I have a future cheerleader on my hands. Jersey #5 was drawn to the registration table for the upcoming flag football season. He managed to look cute enough (and demanding enough) that one of the event coordinators let him hold the mini football he was so attracted to. She explained that this was the way to capture their interest when they are young. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Jersey #3 has been asking to play football since he was 3, and we have to still hold him off another year until he is kindergarten age. So, I wasn't really wanting Jersey #5 to start a football obsession this young. He has a long way to go before he is old enough to play.

Jersey #2 and Jersey #1 were both thrilled with the end-of-season gifts given to each of the players. Last year, they received a really nice lunch bag with the Upward logo on it. This year, they received Upward backpacks. The colors match this year's uniform colors.

I received a phone call on Sunday, from one of the Upward coordinators at the location where my kids play. A man in her Sunday school class was friends with Jersey #2's assistant coach, and added her name to their prayer list. He knew she would be having open-heart surgery in May. He did not remember her name. The Upward coordinator was so moved, she called the assistant coach to find out who the player was, then called me. She asked that I keep her informed of Jersey #2's progress, and offered her church as an extended family to help us with prayers, and even meals, or whatever we needed. I promised her I would be in touch with the surgery details as soon as I receive them, and I thanked her for her prayers. It really means a lot to us that so many folks are lifting up Jersey #2 in prayer to God. I am very impressed that this children's sports ministry of this local church, reaches out to the players and their families like this. It speaks volumes about the love of Christ in their hearts.

BIG Doll

Jersey #2 won a prize at AWANA. The theme that night was "stuffed animal night." Prizes were given out in each class for bringing the smallest stuffed animal, the largest stuffed animal, and the most stuffed animals. Our children had a blast choosing what to bring.

Jersey #2 decided to bring her BIG doll. It turns out this doll was the largest stuffed animal in her class. It is as large as Jersey #2. Her teacher commented to me that she and her twin were in his class that night. She won a BIG lollipop as the prize.

When she was given this doll nearly 2 years ago, it was actually BIGGER than Jersey #2. We called it her "big sister."

This doll was a gift from Granny & PawPaw. They were at a truck stop in Texas one day, when Granny bought the doll. She carried it to the restaurant table where PawPaw was sitting and commented that Texas really knows how to make a doll. They joke that everything is bigger in Texas.

Granny brought that doll to Jersey #2 when she was suffering with the flu. She had a very difficult time fighting the flu. She was sick twice as long as normal, dropped over 10% of her body weight, and scared us with her high fevers and chest pains. That was in March 2008 (contrary to the date stamp year on the picture which was an error on the camera). It took her until the end of the summer to restore her color and weight after that flu illness. In some ways, we say the effects were longer-lasting, because her heart valve issues became noticeable from that point forward. We now fully understand why her cardiology team recommend a flu shot every year, and why they say they prefer that she not get the flu. That was a scary experience.

Granny was thrilled to hear that her BIG doll won a prize.

Jury Duty Lessons

Spending the day, this week, as a member of a grand jury panel was very educational. I learned a lot about the legal process. I caught a glimpse of some of the adventures that police officers endure. I saw how criminal acts can tear apart a family, pitting family members against each other. I was surprised how people will choose a criminal act that has extremely high consequences in order to attempt to obtain something with very little value. The courthouse was a whole different world than I live in. I admit that most of those issues found in a courthouse do not even enter my mind, unless I happen upon a news story or unless a close friends or relative has a legal issue brought to my attention. In many ways, I live in a bubble, closed off from the rest of the world. To be honest, I much prefer the innocence of my sheltered life.

God was not speaking about jury duty in this Bible passage but it has really hit home for me this week...
For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. (Ecclesiastes 1:18)

There is a lesson from jury duty this week that I almost wish had not entered my knowledge. As I listened to the details of case after case that day, I was struck by the fact that these adults who were making such poor choices and engaging in such criminal acts, used to be adorable little babies and toddlers.

I am surrounded by adorable little babies, active little toddlers, and precocious preschoolers. I spend most of my days around lots of children, not just my own children. I see these children as precious gifts that bring joy to those around them.

I do not see them as future criminals.

My heart is saddened by the knowledge that the jails and prisons are filled with people who used to be bouncing baby boys, and a parent's little princess.

Somewhere along the course of their lives, something went dreadfully wrong.

Food & Finances Friday--Cupcakes

There are two areas in my life where I am attempting to really "mature," as much and as quickly as I can--Food and Finances. I have been on such a slow path in these two areas, as I have been slow to grow in the past. I decided to turn them into a weekly theme and share the details...hoping to help myself with personal accountability...

I have reached a new level....I am the Mom who makes home-made cupcakes!

I crack myself up about this, because I used to buy all of my goods for every potluck and every snack day, in the not-so-distant past. I used to buy all of our birthday cakes too. I would explain this away by joking that my cooking skills were not safe for the public to consume.

As I have been cooking our meals at home, and baking with the kids, I am finding that I can whip up a treat in the kitchen, faster and cheaper than I can buy it at the store.

So, when it was time to bring cupcakes for Jersey #1's end-of-season party for basketball, I made them at home. She helped me frost a few. We bought little basketballs to place into the frosting on top. They were really cute.

When we arrived to the party destination, I learned that another Mom had also brought cupcakes. She had found those little plastic rings that I had been looking for. She found them because the store had them, and she bought the cupcakes at the store. I admired her cupcakes, and she admired mine.

I was highly entertained by the response that the other Moms gave as well. They all admired my cupcakes. The little basketballs on top were cute. But, the thing that got the most response was that they were home-made. One Mom grabbed one of my cupcakes to save for dessert, even before her pizza arrived. She said she didn't want to miss out.

I see now that home-made cupcakes are a rarity to busy families. No one has time to stay home and bake anymore, it seems. After hearing a couple Moms speak of it so fondly, my eyes were opened to the blessing that it really was. It was not the taste, flavor, or look of the cupcakes that meant so much. (Actually, I thought the store cupcakes were perfectly shaped and more moist.) It was that they were made at home. Many of us had memories of baking cupcakes at home with our Moms, in preparation for a school party or a birthday, during our childhood.

My daughter has the memory of baking at home with me, making basketball cupcakes for her team party. That was a bigger treat than I had planned.

Favorite Blanket

I have been on a quest for a new favorite blanket for Jersey #2. I think success was found this week! She is conducting a trial run of her new blanket, to make sure it is the right fit. As soon as her test run is complete, I will be buying extras of that exact blanket.

It is not normal to find a favorite blanket for a 6-year old. But, we have never been accused of being normal. She is our only child who took to a favorite blanket. Desperate times call for drastic measures.

When Jersey #2 was born, my sister sent us a Carters Starters bug blanket, as part of her baby gift. My sister is a huge fan of Carters baby items, and she thought the lady bugs were really cute. She liked this soft blanket so much that she bought herself one for my niece who was also born that year. She also bought one for our other sister, saving it for the day she started a family.

I took the blanket with us on our trip to California for Jersey #2's first heart surgery. When she was taken off the respirator and put in a larger hospital bed, the nurse covered her with the blanket, trying to bring some comfort from home.

Little did we know, that would be the start of the "bug blanket" obsession. That blanket certainly brought Jersey #2 comfort in the hospital. It brought comfort on the airplane. It brought comfort in the car. It instantly became her favorite blanket. She preferred this blanket for all nap times and bed times. No other blanket calmed her the way her bug blanket did.

Realizing that she was attached to this specific blanket, I set out to purchase more. I had no idea how long this obsession would last, but the blanket was already starting to show wear. By this time, Carters had come out with an entirely new nursery bedding collection and was no longer making this specific blanket. I put my sisters on watch for any in stores. My sister found 1 more at a store in her town and bought it for me. That was all we could find.

I rotated the 2 bug blankets for over 2 years. As she approached 3 years old, I was starting to grow concerned that her attachment to her bug blanket was not going to fade any time soon, but the blankets were wearing thin. I begged my sisters to give me the bug blankets they each had, and I promised to buy them brand new plush nursery blankets in return. Both sisters graciously donated their bug blankets to their niece, as none of their children were attached to a single blanket like that.

I have been able to rotate the 4 bug blankets for the past 3 years. The attachment has not reduced at all. Jersey #2 requests to have her bug blanket in her arms, next to her cheek when we tuck her into bed each night. She has been given a slew of blankets through the years, but it is the bug blanket that she carries to the living room to watch TV. It is the bug blanket that she takes in the car when she is nervous about visiting the doctor.

Those 4 bug blankets are extremely thin now. I am certain they are not going to last much longer. As we face another trip to the Children's Hospital for heart surgery, I thought it was time to find a new blanket.

I informed Jersey #2 that we would be buying her a new blanket to take with her for her upcoming heart surgery. I am thinking that if the first surgery inspired the attachment to the bug blanket, then a 2nd surgery will help transfer the attachment to a new blanket. She had to help me pick it out. We went on a quest for a blanket that was as soft and as cute as her bug blanket. I touched baby blankets in every single store I shopped in for a full month before I took her along. I browsed options online too. This week, we set out to find the perfect blanket. Jersey #2 enjoyed the journey.

She found a cute, soft blanket with pink and brown polk-a-dots. I thought that was fitting, because she loves vibrant colors and polk-a-dots. It turns out the new blanket is made by Carters too.

I bought 2 of this same blanket, because the store was running a buy 1 get 1 half off sale. We brought the blankets home, opened them up, and compared them to the bug blanket. They are nearly the same size, thickness, and feel. The bug blanket is slightly more rectangular in shape, where the polk-a-dot blanket is more square. Their similarities are astounding.

I am pleased. It looks like we may have found THE best blanket to transition to a new favorite blanket. Jersey #2 started out bringing both blankets out to the living room to watch TV. Occasionally, I see she only has the polk-a-dot blanket with her. I am going to give her a couple days before I slip the bug blankets into the wash and into the back of the closet. If the polk-a-dot blanket really does win her heart, I plan to buy a few more before they go out of production. I hope the polk-a-dot blanket brings her as much comfort from home, while she is in the hospital, as her bug blanket did in the first place.

So far, so good...

For the Love of Dogs

This is Taylor.

She is our beloved pet dog. She is an 11-year old Terrier mix. She was a pound puppy, and we adopted her when she was only around 8 weeks old. She is a great dog. She is gentle with kids, very protective of our home and family, and rather lazy and low maintenance.

A few months ago, Taylor developed a bad cough. We were dreading the diagnosis, because a chronic cough in an old dog is often a symptom of heart worms, or some heart or lung infection. Taylor was functioning well in spite of the cough, so I put off the dreaded vet visit a little while. I blamed finances, but part of me really didn't want to face the end of her life already.

We saved up the money for the vet bill, so I decided to call and make her an appointment. The lost-cost vet clinic where we normally take her for vaccinations referred us to a full-service clinic up the road.

I hauled 5 kids and 1 dog into this new vet clinic, ready for the worst. I was dreading the diagnosis. I was dreading the pressure to give all kinds of very expensive treatments and procedures to a very old dog. I was dreading having to explain it all to the children.

It turns out that my experience with this vet clinic was fantastic! I will now be a regular customer, because I was just that impressed. The staff were friendly right from the start. They requested basic information in advance, and settled us into an exam room right away. The vet tech greeted the kids and talked to them about their dog, just like he talked to me. I was impressed that he included the kids in the whole visit. He asked some questions and collected some data on Taylor's overall health.

I spent a few minutes trying to explain to Jersey #4 that the dog has to see a dog doctor, not her pediatrician. The whole concept of a veterinarian (a dog doctor) was intriguing to the kids. They started drilling me for details of what kinds of animals a veterinarian can treat. They then had to clarify which kinds of animals were treated at that particular clinic (after we established that giraffes do not come to the clinic, but remain at the zoo).

The veterinarian entered the room with a friendly greeting as well. He asked questions and listened to Taylor's lungs. He was very clear spoken as he explained the path of tests and treatments that he wanted to take. He was very reasonable in requesting the simplest of tests that would rule out the most, up front. I liked his style. I agreed to have her blood drawn for a heart worms test, and also to have a chest x-ray taken. The vet was very honest about the diseases and infections he was suspecting, and what needed to be ruled out before any treatments were started. I like that style for my our human health care needs, so it was really nice to have that same experience with the veterinarian.

I really appreciated when the vet tech asked my permission to trim the dog's nails. I have had experience with a vet clinic adding procedures and treatments on their whim, without consulting me, yet still giving me the bill. This vet clinic was very good about securing my authorization before beginning any tests or treatments. It was to my advantage that they offered to trim her nails, because she is an excitable dog who is difficult to trim.

I was so relieved when the veterinarian returned with a non-fatal diagnosis! The heart worms test was negative. He showed us the chest x-ray, which revealed a normal-sized heart, and healthy lungs. She has no visible tumors or growths. He suggested her cough is a result of bronchitis. He gave me a prescription for an antibiotic with steroid, and assured me that the medication should make a very noticeable difference in less than a week. If not, I needed to bring her back in. While he was saying good-bye, the veterinarian asked the kids if there was no school today. When I explained that we home school, he smiled at the kids and said well then this outing was a lesson today. What a great comment.

I was so pleased with the level of care and with the diagnosis. Even though veterinary costs seem so expensive, I did not feel troubled by the bill. I had authorized every test and treatment, so I knew what to expect when the bill arrived. While I wrote out the check for payment, one of the vet techs complimented the children's behavior. I had to chuckle, because a split second after her compliment, Jersey #5 climbed onto the dog scale to weigh himself. So, I praised the older kids for their behavior, and joked that we were still training the toddler.

We left the clinic with our wonderful old dog, thankful to have more time with her. I tried giving her the first dose of medication in a piece of bread, as the veterinarian suggested. The kids enjoyed watching her eat the entire piece of bread and still drop the pill onto the ground. So, I had to break out a hot dog and stuff her pill inside. That worked. It looks like she will get to enjoy a hot dog treat twice a day this week.

Be My Valentine

Our family enjoys holiday traditions. Regardless if the source of the holiday is patriotic, religious, or secular, we enjoy celebrations. Our children are quite spoiled by having grandparents who add to the holiday excitement. We had fun celebrating Valentine's Day.

(I will admit that I do not know the true origin of Valentine's Day, and have always thought it was a materialistic holiday made-up by the flower shops or the greeting card creators).

Granny & PawPaw are always early with their holiday greetings. Considering their career in the military, the running joke is if you are on time, you are late! They take that seriously. So, the greeting cards in pink and red envelopes arrived in the mail on Thursday.

It is always an exciting mail call to find letters from Granny! She takes great care to sign each card, and include stickers, a balloon, and a dollar for each grandchild.

Nana takes the time to make every holiday special too. She emailed me advanced notice that a box of goodies would be arriving soon. She takes great care to pick out a little gift and some candy for the kids. I intercepted the box and hid it until Friday night when The Referee arrived home from his business trip, so that he could enjoy watching the kids open their Valetnine's box from his Mom.

The box was filled with character Valentine's cards, DumDum lollipops (a huge hit at our house), and a coloring book for each child....

And, did I mention that each grandchild received a Valentine card addressed to them from Nana which also included $2.....

Saturday night, after the kids were asleep, I set out their Valentine gifts from The Referee and me, to be discovered Valentine's morning. In addition to a box of candy, the older 4 received a pack of underwear, and the baby received a pack of pacifiers.....

At first, I was really proud of my practical gift. Two of the children were starting to grow into a larger size, and needed new underwear. Later, I got to thinking that underwear may not be the brightest idea for Valentine's Day. What if they decided to show off their gifts to friends, while wearing them? Oops.

The candy and new underwear were a big hit. Everyone put on a new pair of underwear to wear to church that morning. Thankfully, no one showed them off to anyone else! Whew! Next year, I will think of a different practical gift.

We enjoyed some chocolate with breakfast....

I was very amused that The Referee surprised me with a pack of candy which was the exact same thing I bought for him--Reeses Peanut Butter Hearts. We both enjoy them. Since we each received a pack, we didn't even have to share.

I hope your Valentine's Day was filled with love and chocolate too.

Actually, I prefer to have ALL of my days filled with love and chocolate...

Tag

Life is absolutely crazy right now.

It is as if my husband and I are involved in this giant game of tag. We have so many activities going on, that we are to the point of tagging each other when it is time to shift the responsibility.

The Referee was on travel of his job for 5 days last week. It was only suppose to be 4 days, but snowy weather canceled many air travel schedules, and he was stranded an extra day. I held down the home-front. I am not meant to be a single parent. I require more sleep than that. My husband arrived home late in the evening on Friday. We managed to eat dinner and put the kids to bed, before we both dropped into bed ourselves, from sheer exhaustion.

We were up early Saturday morning. That was the day of the last basketball games of this season. We were signed up to bring snacks for Jersey #2's team, so I was up early to pack snack goody bags, pack the diaper bag, set out clothes for the kids, and write out checks for the bills. We loaded the family up in the van and headed out early, so we could stop off at the bank and pay the mortgage.

The Referee was the referee for Jersey #2's game, as well as the 3 games that followed, that day. He literally ran up and down a basketball court for 4 hours! I got to watch half of Jersey #2's game before I had to load up the remaining 4 children and shuttle Jersey #1 to her game. I dropped her off in the care of her coach, and drove back to the first gym to pick up Jersey #2. I arrived just in time for the team Mom to announce plans for an end-of-season party, and her desire to collect money for the coach's gift. I ran out to the van to grab some cash out of my wallet for the gift, and ran back into the gym. I checked in with The Referee, and let him know I was taking Jersey #2 with me, and was now responsible for all of our children.

Tag....I'm it!

I drove over to the gym where Jersey #1 was playing her final game. I arrived at half-time. Since I am the team Mom for her team, I then helped the coach give out awards, and reminded the team (and their parents) about the end-of-season party I had planned. I gathered all 5 of my kids and headed out to the van.

While the Referee was busy being the referee for 2 more games, I took the kids with me to Jiffy Lube to get the oil changed in the van. They were quick and they had popcorn for the kids to snack on while we waited.

We returned to the gym to watch the last half of the final game. The kids swarmed The Referee when the game was over. We loaded back up in the van and drove to Dollar Tree to let the kids spend their Valentine's dollars from their grandparents.

The Referee received a call that he was needed to drive a run for that shuttle side-job he has. He decided to eat and take a nap, so he would be rested for the late night driving. I had the kids help me straighten the house and complete some light cleaning, while The Referee napped. He hugged and kissed us good-bye and went to work. I fed the kids and got them ready for bed.

The Referee made it home Sunday morning with just enough time to shower and help me load up the kids in the van for church. I think we spent more time together sitting next to each other in the pew at Sunday school than we had been able to spend together all week! That time was cut short when The Referee worked the audio/visual booth during the morning church service. Just before he went up to the booth, he informed me that we could not doddle after church, because his side-job duties ran earlier than anticipated.

We returned home after church, whipped up a quick lunch, and The Referee was off to work again, with another shuttle run. Jersey #1 had a friend over for the afternoon, to get ready to spend the night at her house that evening. I took care of the kids and balanced the monthly budget.

The Referee returned home just before bedtime and helped me put the kids to bed. I had to set the alarm to wake me up early, because I had to report for jury duty first thing this morning!

Tag....He's it!

The Referee spent the day home with the kids, while I spend the day at the courthouse, serving on the grand jury. He was concerned about checking in at work, since he had been away all last week. On my lunch break, we ran over to his workplace, so he could make a brief appearance and check the status of a few things. He had driven me to the courthouse this morning, because I when I went to back out of the driveway in his car, the rear view mirror fell off into my hand and we did not have time to fix it just then. His chauffeuring me worked out great, because I could stay in the van with the kids while he ran into work for a few minutes.

When The Referee picked me up from court at the end of the day, the first thing he told me was that he has no idea how I ever manage to get anything else done while taking care of the kids all day! He never found the time to shower.

Court let out late, so we only had 2 hours before The Referee had to go drive for another shuttle run. We decided to race through 2 stores to complete our grocery shopping. We spoiled the kids with a candy at the end, because they were such troopers and behaved so well through it all. We returned home and unloaded the groceries. The Referee jumped into the shower while I put groceries away.

I corralled the younger kids into the bathtub while he changed the light bulb in the playroom. Then, he was off to work again, driving a shuttle run. I got the kids into their PJs and let them watch a Veggie Tales DVD while I ate a very late dinner.

The Referee will be home late tonight. He has to set an alarm to get himself up early tomorrow to return to his regular job. He has to work 10-hours a day for the next 4 days, to make up for the fact that he was home with the kids today, so I could report for jury duty.

I return to homeschooling, home-making, and childcare tomorrow. Plus, I am hosting Jersey #1's basketball team party. This whole week is filled with activities. I would say that things should mellow out by next Sunday, but we've been told that the shuttle business is booming right now, and the week is full. So, The Referee will probably be going strong next weekend too. So, as far as the home-front is concerned.....

Tag....I'm it!

Heart Friends

A few months ago, Jersey #2 expressed a great desire to have a friend who was also a heart patient. She was struggling with being so different, and wanted a friend who understood what she was going through.

Her prayers have been answered.

Little did we know, this cowboy who helped her over come her fear of riding a horse, is also a heart patient...

This is Cowboy Max. He and his wife founded Galloping Grace Youth Ranch. They specialize in providing joy to families by bringing children and horses together.

We met Cowboy Max, and a couple of their horses at a Pumpkin Stand fundraiser last October. These pictures of Jersey #2 riding a horse were from that day. She debated back and forth about whether or not to attempt to ride. She has always been fearful, even of little pony rides. But, the excitement that Jersey #1 and Jersey #3 displayed about the opportunity to ride a horse, was so contagious that she put on a helmet and stood in line for her turn.

She almost changed her mind when it was her turn to ride. Cowboy Max was patient and encouraging. He won her trust immediately. She let him lift her into the saddle, but he picked up on her fear right away. In the picture above, he is telling her that the horse does not even have to move forward. She can just sit there for a moment if she'd like. She liked that!

After just a minute of conversation, he had convinced her to relax a little, enjoy herself, and try letting the horse take a step.

This had to have been the slowest walk around a corral I have ever seen. They certainly gave me plenty of photo opportunities. I was so thrilled to see Jersey #2 overcoming her fear and riding a horse!

Our children had a second opportunity to ride these horses at the Christmas tree corral fundraiser in December. Jersey #2 was very eager to ride again, and was less nervous. I contacted the Ranch to express my appreciation, and also requested our children be added to their roster for next season.

I have been secretly hoping that being around the horses and taking a few riding lessons will be a great distraction for Jersey #2 as she prepares for heart surgery. I also came across a lapbook curriculum about horses that I thought would complement the focus.

I am not yet clear if the time line of when the Ranch opens for the season, versus when her heart surgery will be scheduled, will cooperate with my goals.

I was just blown away a few weeks ago, when the Ranch sent out an email about the success of this past season. The email explained that their year started with Cowboy Max recovering from open-heart surgery to replace a valve in his heart. I was able to show the email and pictures to Jersey #2. She was thrilled to learn that Cowboy Max is a heart patient too....and he had a valve replacement, just like she will.

She has a friend who is a heart patient. She is no longer alone in her journey.

I emailed the Ranch again, to tell them how much they have blessed our family already. It did my heart good to see a need be met for my daughter. I could not contain my joy for this answered prayer.

Cowboy Max responded and said he would be honored to be Jersey #2's heart friend.

It is just amazing to me the way God places the right people in our lives at the right time. Who knew that the same cowboy who helped Jersey #2 overcome her fear of riding a horse would also help her face her fear of open-heart surgery!

Food & Finances Friday--Income Taxes

I am just boggled by the details of filing our income taxes. Our financial circumstances are not very complex, yet I am no good at predicting what to expect each year. It is probably a good thing that I am not a tax adviser of any sort.

Years ago, we heard the advice that it is best to not get a big tax refund. It is smarter to keep that money in the paycheck and prevent the government from banking on all of its interest. That sounded logical. It was fun to get a return instead of having to pay in, though. So, we didn't spend too much energy trying to make our taxes break even.

Until this past tax year.

When I took a seminar through Crown Financial Ministries, my eyes were opened a little further. One of the budget scenarios that we studied had a couple who were struggling to make ends meet. The instructor explained how they were advised to increase their exemptions in order to have less taxes taken out of their paychecks. The additional money in each paycheck from that point clearly helped balance their budget.

That was just the example I needed to help me see the benefit of not getting a large tax refund. My husband immediately altered his exemptions to have less tax money taken out of his paychecks. It helped our monthly budget tremendously.

Since the changes were not implemented right at the start of the tax year, and since I do not have the tax code figured out that well, we were still expecting a refund after filing our taxes this year. It was expected to be a much smaller refund than before.

Except that it turned out to be a much larger refund than expected. This time it is not as fun as in the past, but instead it is a huge relief. A HUGE relief. It is an answer to prayer. The amount equals the amount of out-of-pocket expense we are anticipating having to pay for medical expenses that our insurance won't cover.

All this time, I have been thinking that we will spend this whole year struggling to keep up with medical bills (much like life has been during the Fall and Winter months). Instead, we have just been blessed by filing our income taxes! How crazy is that?!?