Awesome

Jersey #2 gave me the coolest compliment.

She said, "Thanks for helping me get back to awesome again!"

For me, this was a motherhood medal of honor.

It really feels good to know that I have helped my child in such a big way.

I told Jersey #2 that this was the job of a Mother--to help her children return to awesome after they have had a rough time.

The back story is that the night before, Jersey #2 was in a pretty emotional, moody state.  She cried and cried as she explained to me just how difficult she viewed her life at that moment. 

I listened.  I tried to comfort her.  I tried to encourage her.

We talked about some of the topics that were on her mind.  It seems to work well for me to have these times of listening and encouraging, especially when my daughters are emotional.  I guess I just did not realize that the tween years have such drama and moodiness to them.  

Plus, I realize my children are grieving too.  They will each grieve in their own way, based on their age and stage of development.  Each one has to process the death of their brother, the sadness of their Mom, and the absence of their Daddy in our home.  

I also explained to her that sometimes our emotions fool us into believing life is much harder than it really is.  Crying is a natural response.  It is the way the body releases emotional stress and relaxes itself.  I told her sometimes you just need a good cry.  I let her know that things may look pretty sad that night, but things will look much brighter and more manageable in the morning, especially after a good cry and a good night's sleep.  

After a long talk, a good cry, and big hugs, I tucked her into bed and let her know that she was tough, and tomorrow was a new day.

Sure enough, she woke up in brighter spirits and no more tears.  She even made a comment to me that things did look better in the morning.  She wondered how I knew.

After a big day of fun in the sun and all kinds of activities, she was packing up to go spend time with her Dad.  As she got ready to leave, she turned to me and said, "Thanks for everything, Mom."

At first, this made The Referee and I chuckle.  It was such an odd comment, and really out of place for that moment.

Then, Jersey #2 explained that she was feeling better about life again, and appreciated our talk the night before.  It was sweet that she took the time to thank me like that.

I think it is cool that she sees herself as awesome.  I like her viewpoint that when she is feeling better, she has returned to awesome again.  

I have been thinking about her description all night, and how that perspective is helpful in my own  recent emotional state.

I would like to get back to awesome again too.  

Go Red For Women

Jersey #2 participated in a fund-raising event for the American Heart Association this month. She does some publicity work for them on occasion. We say that she is the cutest face of heart disease.

This time, she took us to the Go Red For Women luncheon. Go Red For Women is a national campaign to raise awareness about heart disease in women, the warning signs, and how to seek prevention and treatment. The girls of our family were invited to attend the fund-raising luncheon for this event. (The boys decided that it would be more fun if they stayed home in their PJs and played video games instead).

We dressed up in fancy red dresses. I was proud of myself for buying dresses at Christmas time, when red was rampant in the stores. I bought the dresses on sale too! We felt like princesses.

Part of the luncheon presentation was a "Survivor's Fashion Show." Each heart disease survivor walked the runway, modeling red outfits from a local department store, while the MC read a short speech about their heart condition and experience. Each survivor was escorted by a loved one. We chose Jersey #1 to accompany Jersey #2, thinking that the girls would love to be runway models for this event.

Jersey #4 and I sat in the audience, enjoying the fancy luncheon.

The event was spectacular. It was fun. There was a huge turn-out. It was the largest crowd yet. 550 people attended.

And, we learned that Jersey #1 does not enjoy being in front of the crowd. She would rather that Jersey #2 keep the spotlight. She liked the outfit. She liked the food. She did not like being on stage in front of all those people. She developed a stomach ache and stressed about it for hours. She did a great job holding herself together for the fashion show. But, she is certain that next time she would rather be in the audience.

Jersey #4, on the other hand, decided that she liked the spotlight. One of the survivors motioned her on stage at the end, and she did an encore lap up the runway, with Jersey #2. They were adorable.

They actually ended up walking that runway ramp over a dozen times after the event ended, because they enjoyed it so much. I finally had to coax the older girls into changing their clothes and returning the fashion show outfits.

Then, we took a sassy model pose on the catwalk before returning home

Speechless Wednesday

I've seen 'Wordless Wednesday' blog posts and originally thought I might contribute to such fun with photos of Jersey #1 trying to master the skill of taking her own picture with my camera...

I find her attempts to be highly entertaining....

She is growing up....and way too fast, I might add...

But, instead of 'Wordless Wednesday,' she has sent me into 'Speechless Wednesday,' because she started asking questions about growing up.

I had been wondering what are the correct ages to start explaining some of those tough topics. We have already had a few basic talks about boys, girls, and appropriate interactions--based on God's design for relationships, not the Disney channel's design for relationships. But, those were very basic topics. There is a whole realm of growing-up subjects not yet mentioned.

I would think that by now I would already realize that, it is easier to face developmental milestones at the child's individual level. So, instead of wondering what is the proper age for talking about these things, I suppose I will be talking as much as I can when she is inquiring. Which appears to be starting now. Yikes!

The question that started it all was, "Mom, when will my sweat stink for me to use that stick stuff [deoderant]?" That began a surprisingly good conversation about adolescence, and some of the changes that boys and girls go through during that major growth time in life. It went well. I am both pleased and relieved.

We talked about growing, sleeping, hormones, moods, and such things typical of the teen years, as the transition when a child's body grows into an adult's body. I was able to point out a few examples of some teens from our church and tae kwon do class, giving a visual as to how they no longer have the child's body like her and her siblings, but how they also do not yet have their fully adult body like their parents. That was surprisingly easy to discuss. And, it made sense to her, which is good. I think that conversation just opened the doors wide for future conversations on growing up topics. It was not near as hard as I was expecting. But, I also realize now that it is not just one conversation, such as "the talk" is depicted on television. Hopefully we will continue to have an open dialog as she grows.

I plan to give her more and more information as she inquires and as she seems capable of handling it. I gave a very passing mention of menstruation, as one of the changes that takes place during adolescence for girls. I still can't believe that we are already talking about such things.

On one hand I am speechless....jaw dropped open, wondering how did we get to this point already? On the other hand, I am smiling...realizing she is coming to ME for information when she has questions. That is just how I prefer it. I want to be the biggest influence as she develops both physically and in her values. I am trying to weave-in the reality that God's ways are higher than the world's ways, and we need to be mindful of worldly influence. I am hoping and praying that I will have the right words at the right time. I am not actually ready for this part of motherhood.

Ready, or not, here I go...

Belle of the Ball

Jersey #2 occasionally participates in some publicity work for the American Heart Association. We joke that she is the cutest face of heart disease...

I was contacted by her cardiology nurse a few weeks ago, asking if I would be a guest speaker for the upcoming Heart Ball. This is a fancy fund raising event. Donations go toward programs and research for children, specifically. The local chapter of the AHA needed a parent to share the story of their heart disease survivor child. I am not a fan of public speaking, even though I am a fan of talking about my children. I cautiously agreed. I felt much better about the decision after speaking to the event organizer. It turns out that the original speaker backed out, and so did the replacement speaker, so they were quiet relieved that I would agree to fill the void and help them out. I was relieved to hear that my role was to speak for 4-5 minutes, sharing Jersey #2's story, while a slide show of pictures of her flashed on a screen behind me. My speech was a very small part of the program, which also included speeches by a cardiologist and a neurosurgeon, a silent as well as a live auction, a dinner, and a band. My only other problem is that this was a "black tie" event, and we did not have appropriate attire.

The Referee was so relieved that I did not pressure him to attend the ball with us, that he happily supported us buying new dresses and shoes for the event....and volunteered to stay home with the younger kids. I asked for an additional ticket for Jersey #1, because I just knew that dressing up like a princess and attending a ball would be very fun for her.

The older girls and I enjoyed going out to the mall to shop for dresses. Jersey #2 picked her dress immediately, but agreed to try on a few more dresses to please me. She went with her first choice. Jersey #1 tried on every single dress in her size, in every color available. She had a hard time deciding on which to choose, so Jersey #2 and I had to nudge her toward the one we liked best.

The girls and I also shopped for fancy shoes, nail polish, and lip gloss. I had planned to take them for manicures and pedicures, but Jersey #2 was so nervous about the idea, that we dropped it to eliminate the stress. In the end, we had more fun with me trimming and painting their nails the evening before the event.

Our beautiful teen babysitters came over in the afternoon to fix up the girls' hair. They planned the hair dos in advance, talked about them for a week, and brought fresh flowers to put in their hair. The teens just came from a wedding, so they were dressed up fancy too. It was so delightful to see this big sister/little sister duo fix up the hair of my own big sister/little sister duo.

We had a brief photo session after our princesses were dressed for the ball...

The girls turned heads the moment we walked in to the hotel ballroom. The staff from the American Heart Association greeted us with great cheer. We were introduced to a few key folks at the event. It was entertaining to be in a room filled with successful cardiologist and neurosurgeons, their lovely wives, executive folks from hospitals and insurance companies, as well as board members of the AHA....yet Jersey #2 stole the spotlight and kept it for the entire evening. She was more interested in the menu and the table decorations than she was in their names and credentials.

The girls could hardly wait to sit at the table and check out all of the parts of the place settings. That was a lot of forks! They got to drink water out of wine glasses! I let them start eating their salad a little early, so I could school them a little more about princess etiquette at fancy dinners.

There was a wedding reception taking place in the ballroom adjacent to the room we were in. Their wedding-polka music was so loud that it disrupted some of the early speeches. It made a great ice breaker, through. Shortly after I was introduced to the stage, the wedding music ended, and I had everyone's full attention. I was quite surprised by how much Jersey #2's story and pictures captivated the audience. This group of folks experiences such things from a business or career standpoint, so Jersey #2 instantly brought a personal component to their work. At the end of my speech, Jersey #2 joined me on stage. She smiled and waved, and literally stole the hearts of the crowd.

I enjoyed the fancy dinner, but the girls were not impressed. The waiter asked if they might like a fruit cup instead of the salmon. They ate their salad, devoured the fruit cup, and cheered at the sight of the dessert, which was some sort of cake/cheesecake combination with berries in it. They had a second helping from the bread basket too.

At the end of the program, Jersey #2 was called back on stage to receive flowers. It was a surprise to her, and she was thrilled...

Folks started approaching our table just to meet Jersey #2 and her big sister. The girls received numerous compliments on their beauty, their dresses, their smiles, and Jersey #2's amazing recovery. Her chest wound was slightly visible under her dress, so many folks told us if they shared a scar like that too.

While the band was setting up, Jersey #2 decided to start dancing on her own. She was too nervous to go out on the dance floor in front of the stage, so she twirled around on the floor near our table. The Emcee of the event soon joined her. He is also a heart disease survivor, a member of the AHA Board, and often does publicity work for them. He shared Jersey #2's zest for life...

When the music started, The Emcee and Jersey #2 tore up the dance floor! That was an incredible amount of energy from two heart disease survivors. Jersey #1 was more shy and nervous, so I had to practically drag her to the dance floor to get her to take that leap. She quickly warmed up, dancing with me first.....then joined her sister, the Emcee, and another man who had been sitting at our table. The girls danced and twirled for every song, while I chatted, back at the table, with the 2nd man's wife. It turns out that he is also on the Board for the AHA, and is an executive with an insurance company. His wife says that even though they attend many events like this, he is not usually much of a dancer. I am guessing that is part of why he wanted to dance with Jersey #1....he could relate to her desire to have fun, but her fear of getting out there on the floor.

After they wore out the gentlemen, my princesses continued to dance with each other...

We had a blast. We did not get home until 10pm. Jersey #2 was quick to tell everyone that she was getting to stay out WAY past her bedtime. The event organizer asked if she could call us for other fund raising events. It will be interesting to see what publicity adventures are in our future.

Facing a Bully

Jersey #2 just taught me a thing or two about how to handle a bully.

I am amazed.

Four weeks ago, she approached me in the midst of AWANA and told me that a girl in her class was pushing in line and talking rudely to her. I casually suggested she tell the girl that behavior was mean, and she shouldn't treat others that way.

Later that night, Jersey #2 reports to me that the mean girl did not like being called mean, (I said tell her the behavior was mean, and Jersey #2 said, "You are mean!") and reacted by kicking her in the leg while the class had their heads bowed and eyes closed for the closing prayer.

The next week (week #2), the car ride home from AWANA was filled with stories about all the mean behaviors this bully did to various kids over the last few weeks, and how she was targeting Jersey #2 most of the time now.

My suggestion to Jersey #2 was to keep her space, and not go around this bully girl. Jersey #2 did not accept that answer. She informed me that she needed to teach this girl how to be nice. I explained to Jersey #2 that IF she was going to take on this bully girl as a mission project, then she would have to face the consequences. The girl may come around or she may respond worse. Jersey #2 was adamant that she did not know if the bully knew Jesus, so she needed to show her the love of Jesus.

(Here is where I admit I was rather excited and proud to learn that Jersey #2 was listening to my attempts to teach the kids to be a good friend to everyone).

I made sure that she understood that approaching a bully can be harmful, as the bully has already demonstrated. I did not want her to get hurt. I also explained that in order to be a good friend to the bully, then she needed to always be kind, no matter how mean the bully responded. So, informing the bully that she was mean is actually name-calling, and that is not loving. We had a brief discussion about the "turn the other cheek" lesson from the Bible.

The next week (week 3 of this situation), Jersey #2 reports that the bully girl was extra-mean to her that evening. The bully hangs out with 2 other girls, and informed Jersey #2 that they were not her friends, so she had no business talking to them. Jersey #2 seemed upset to learn that one of the girls (girl-A) was no longer her friend, as they had been friends before. She was nearly tearful as she talked about her fears of having just lost a friend like that. She could not let go of the idea that she just needed to ask girl-A and get the truth right from the source. She was also upset that the bully girl had been mean to girl-A that night, and when Jersey #2 attempted to comfort girl-A, the bully intervened physically, and would not permit it.

I explained to Jersey #2 that if she continues to challenge this bully, she might end up hurt, and I didn't want that to happen. I assured her that I supported her desire to be a good friend to everyone....and to comfort any one in need. But, I also expressed my concern for her safety.

The Referee joined the conversation, and had a discussion with Jersey #2 about defending herself. His position on how to handle a bully is to not let the bully get away with mistreatment. He talked about some of the Tae Kwon Do moves he had taught her, and what they are for. The more he tried to encourage her to defend herself, Jersey #2 started to cry.

I interjected and explained to The Referee that in spite of my advice to take the passive approach and stay away from the bully, and in spite of his approach to challenge the bully and be prepared to defend herself, Jersey #2's approach was to take the stand that she was going to be a friend to the bully. I praised her for her love of others. I explained to her the different ways her parents each advise handling the bully. Then, I assured her that we would support her in whichever way she wanted to face the bully, provided that she did not let the stress get to her.

I also reminded her that girl-A was going to be at the park with our homeschool group the next day, so she would have a chance to talk to her without the bully being around. That brightened Jersey #2's mood. She planned to talk to girl-A and get to the bottom of the friend status.

Jersey #2 wasted no time approaching girl-A at the park, and asking if she was still her friend. Girl-A explained that she wanted to be friends with Jersey #2....that she likes to be friends with everyone....but that she remained quiet when the bully said she wasn't to be friends with Jersey #2 because she did not want the bully to turn against her. Jersey #2 completely understood that reasoning. She was thrilled that girl-A was still her friend. She promised to not confront the bully about her friendship with girl-A, so that girl-A would not be at risk of being bullied. She was excited to share the news with me. Then, she ran off and played at the park for hours with her friend.

I was pleased that Jersey #2 was so happy to have peace about her friendship. I was speechless that she understood and accepted her friend's approach to the bully, but simply rufused to adopt that approach for herself.

Armed with the security of knowing that the bully's companion was still her friend, Jersey #2 was ready to take on the bully tonight.

Here we are at week 4, and Jersey #2 informs us that during AWANA this evening, she went up to the table where the bully and the 2 girls were sitting for craft time, and sat down with them. She complimented the bully's coloring, to which the bully said "Thank you." She then proceeded to strike up conversations with the kids at the table. One topic was the number of kids in their families. The bully could not resist sharing how many brothers and sisters she had, after learning she has more than Jersey #2. That level of competition did not phase Jersey #2 because she was SO pleased that she was enticing the bully to talk to her in a friendly way.

At the closing program that evening, Jersey #2 made a point to stand with the bully and her 2 companions and asked if they would all like to be her friend. The bully replied that she needed to think about it. The second companion, girl-B, said "yes" she would like to be Jersey #2's friend. Girl-B sealed the deal by walking a step behind the bully on the way back to the classroom, and reached out her hand to Jersey #2, to hold while they walked.

Jersey #2 won.

She did not follow the bully-advice of either of her parents. She chose her own path. She weakened the power of the bully by picking off the companions one-by-one and befriending them. As far as she is concerned, it is no longer an issue. She informed us tonight that the bully wanted to think about it, but the other girls are her friends. She confidently explained that the bully will be her friend by next week, because she really has no choice....

"She has to be my friend now, because everyone else in the class likes me and is my friend."

Just like that. Problem solved. In a manner that I never would have imagined...

Dat Me?

I have a mousepad next to my computer that has photos of Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 when they were 21 months old and 2 months old, respectively. (We can actually see Jersey #2's purple lips, as the mousepad was made prior to her heart diagnosis/surgery)

Jersey #4 keeps pointing to the picture of Jersey #1 on the mousepad and asking me "Dat Me?" She is certain it is a picture of herself. It cracks me up, because I have not been able to convince her that it is really a picture of her older sister. We are going on 3 days now, and she still does not believe me.

It is true that these two children look remarkably similar. This is the strength of my husband's genes. Both girls look like him and his Mom. Jersey #1 favors her Nana tremendously. Jersey #4 is a "mini-me" female version of her Daddy. I don't know where my genetic influence went when these girls were created!

I got the notion to search out some older pictures of Jersey #1 when she was 2-years old, and compare them to pictures of Jersey #4. Then, I added a little photomerge fun with like poses...