Now I Understand

I am a bit surprised by just how emotional today has been for me.

Granted, it is the 12 year anniversary of my daughter's death.

But, as the years go by, her birthday does not necessarily impact me as hard as it did in the early years.  Year 9 was a tough one.  I wrote this post to tell her story and work through those emotions.  The past couple years have not been as difficult, so it really caught me off guard to feel such intense, roller coaster emotions this year.

I suspect part of the intensity is due to this year.  This has been one tough year for me, full of emotional turmoil and pain.  It has only been 4 months since my son, Titus, died, and it has been 5 months since my husband left our home. 

I also suspect I am feeling more of the emotions, because I am in tune to my emotions these days.  I am in the midst of major grieving in my life, and I am permitting myself to feel the depths of it.  My hope is that if I endure the intense feelings, then they will lesson as I heal.

Whatever the reason, today was emotionally exhausting.  My thoughts raced.  My emotions were up and down and all around.  I was easily distracted, and quite unsure of what to make of this day.

I had mentioned that I was going to visit the cemetery this past weekend, but I didn't.  I said I would go this morning, but I didn't.  I was having a really hard time bringing myself to go.  I just do not understand why that would be so hard.

The Referee sent an email inviting us out to dinner to celebrate his birthday.  The kids were really excited about that, because they were hoping he would want to do something fun (with them) to celebrate.  Birthdays are exciting for our kids.  They do not understand why a person would just go to work and treat it like any other day.  Clearly, they are children.

During dinner, The Referee mentioned he was planning to go by the cemetery after dinner.  That caught my interest right away.  He is not one to spend much time on his emotions or on grieving, so I was curious why he was drawn to go visit the grave.  I wanted to go but could not bring myself to do it.  The solution for me was to go with him.  That helped me a lot.

It also helped that we found a stone that was designed in such a way that we both liked.  I am planning to go with that design for our babies' gravestone too.  It has our last name at the top, with each baby's name below.  Now, I just need to figure out which images to put on the stone.  I am still not settled on that yet.

As I stood near the grave and looked around, I finally got a clue about the point of a cemetery.  It gives us a place to go and spend time thinking about our loved one.  It is a place to face the fact that they truly are gone from our life here on Earth.  It is a place to take those intense emotions and release them, and once again accept that yes we are heartbroken, but life goes on.

As I drove away from the cemetery tonight, I left those intense emotions behind.

Who knew I would find so much closure with a grave plot?

Visit the grave.  Acknowledge the life that has passed.

Admit to the pain, heartache, and grief.

Then, let go...

One day we will be reunited in heaven.  What a glorious day that will be!

Grappling Massage

I thought it would be fun to do something new to celebrate our anniversary this year.  I suggested we go for a massage.  Neither of us has had a massage before.  

My sister had one prior to her wedding, and I drilled her with questions about it.  I was always too nervous to try it out.  Through the years, I've met more and more folks who speak highly of getting a massage, so I finally decided to brave it.

Well, sort of brave....I suggested that The Referee and I go together.  That worked out great.  We went to a business that was a chain of massage stores.  I checked out their website in great detail before calling for an appointment.  They were running an introductory massage special.  It turns out, they have a room with 2 massage beds, so we received our massages at the same time, together.  

I made sure to mention that neither of us had received massages before.  We needed a full explanation of what to do.  How much do we undress?  Thankfully, this place was real good about explaining every detail, including how much to tip.  Some of us need things spelled out plain and simple like that, especially when we are nervous about a new adventure.  

My massage experience was wonderful.  They masseuse was very professional and only uncovered the part she was working on.  I became so relaxed that I feared I would fall asleep and start drooling.  I had been suffering with a knotted shoulder muscle, and the masseuse worked that out great.  It hurt while she was working on it.  But, when I stood up afterward, I was shocked by just how low my shoulders fell back into their normal place.  I guess I had been so tense before that I did not notice my close my shoulders were getting to my earlobes.  I am definitely a fan of massage.

The Referee had me cracking up as he compared his massage experience to a grappling match.  He said he felt like he had just gotten his butt kicked.  His masseuse had a working knowledge of pressure points.  Prior to this massage, The Referee had only considered pressure points in terms of Tae Kwon Do and self defense (hit someone's pressure point to get them to let go of you during an attack, so that you can get away).  He described how the masseuse would get a hold of his muscle, right at the pressure point, and get him in a lock.  It must have been an effective method, because as soon as she let go, he said his muscle went limp.  At first, he thought his massage experience was painful.  Being the extreme introvert that he is, he was also uneasy with a stranger touching him.  I can see where massage was outside his comfort zone.  

We went to dinner afterward, and within an hour, The Referee was so mellow that I was laughing at him again.  He was even swaying to the music at the Brazilian restaurant.  It was good music, and we went at a non-crowded time frame, so we could hear the full concert very well.  Still, it was funny to see The Referee so relaxed and enjoying himself.  We enjoyed a delicious dinner, and many laughs.

Even though both of us thought a nap sounded like a great idea, I found myself too busy tending to the kids to actually lay down.  I couldn't even manage to get to bed on time.  But, I was totally relaxed while I went about the rest of my day.

13

The Referee and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage today.  

Happy Anniversary!

13

Is that number lucky or unlucky these days?

Either way, I'll take it.  And many more....

Marriage is a lot of work.  It is tough to share a life with someone.  It is easier to be selfish.  Yet, we desire companionship.  What a strange struggle.  I believe in marriage.  I believe the overall journey is totally worth it.  Marriage is the core of the family.  It is important.  Sometimes I have to remind myself not to focus on the immediate challenge, but to realize that there is a bigger picture unfolding.  Each anniversary represents a milestone in our life together.  It has been a full life so far.  I think that may be why we look so young in our wedding photo....and feel so much older now.  I have a collection of pictures that prove to me that the years are passing, and we are certainly filling them up with memories together.

Baby Referee

Baby Coach Mom

We met and dated in high school...

We became engaged in college...

We stood before friends and family and committed to sharing the rest of our lives together.

We managed to get a wedding photo in front of this home-made balloon arch, mere seconds before a big wind gust picked it up and carried it off...

We started a family....

...and buried our firstborn (who arrived stillborn)...

(We lost our 2nd child to early miscarriage.)

We joyfully welcomed Jersey #1 into the world...

We celebrated Jersey #2 surviving her first open-heart surgery...

We made big career changes, and traveled to Europe...

We welcomed a bouncing baby boy (Jersey #3)...

Our family grew some more...and then there were FOUR:

Jobs were lost.  Health issues arose.  Jobs were found.  And, we were blessed with a handful:

We certainly have our hands full...

As we took Jersey #2 for her 2nd open-heart surgery...

...we were reminded once again that it is better to have our hands FULL than empty!

There is never a dull moment....

And, we like it that way!

When we said "I do," we did not realize we had signed up for life in a 3-ring circus.  

13 years later, I am certain that the words to our song still ring true:

"I'm Happy To Be Stuck With You!"

Lunch Date With Daddy

Jersey #4 got to enjoy lunch out with Daddy today. She had a blast.

This is a birthday tradition that The Referee started many years ago, when Jersey #1 was a preschooler. He takes each child out to lunch for their birthday. Just the 1 child and Daddy. It is such a sweet tradition. I just love it. I know the kids love it too. They take great care to pick the restaurant they want to go to.

The Referee takes great care to fit the birthday lunches into his busy work schedule. He makes a point to let the kids know that they are special to him. So special, that he makes time for them.

It is also nice to be an "only" child once in a while, and get all of Daddy's attention. That is a rare treat for a child in a large family. It is entertaining to see the kids react. Jersey #4 smiled so big as she got to go off with Daddy on her own. The Referee reported that she looked a bit surprised when she got to go get her food immediately after finding a table. (She didn't have to wait for any siblings to get settled first.)

I like this Daddy-date concept so much, that I am seeking a Mommy-date version to implement now too. I don't want to detract from the special tradition that The Referee has established. I just want a piece of that sweetness too. I've thought about a movie night, or an activity with Mommy. I'm still brainstorming. With Jersey #1, I took her shopping at the mall for an afternoon. I have not yet decided what to do for some special time with Jersey #4. I hope to figure that out soon.

Piggy-Back

This is how Jersey #5 likes to sit at church....riding on The Referee's back.

Little Warriors

Our 3 Little Warriors tested for their next ranks in Tae Kwon Do class tonight. They all did great.

Jersey #3 earned his yellow belt.

Jersey #2 earned her blue stripe.

Jersey #1 earned her first red stripe.

We treated them to new uniforms just in time for their test. They were out-growing their old uniforms. Plus, there were some cool color options available.

Jersey #2 took a hit to the middle of her chest during a sparring match that caused The Referee and I to both gasp. She said it hurt. But, she is doing well. I have to keep reminding myself that her cardiologist assured us her sternum is as strong as it is ever going to be. She is cleared to participate in Tae Kwon Do, as well as any other sport or activity. Since Tae Kwon Do is such a big family tradition for The Referee's family, we do not want her to miss out on it. But, such injuries worry us anyway.


Here is a photo of the proud Daddy, who also happens to be their instructor...

Black Belt

The Referee tested his very first student for the rank of Black belt in Tae Kwon Do, tonight. It was awesome!

She was awesome...

I am so very proud of both of them...

Tae Kwon Do was such a big part of The Referee's childhood. His Uncle ran a TKD school, and allowed The Referee to attend for free. He trained up to the rank of 2nd degree black belt. Then, he went off to college and moved out of town. 12 years passed before he returned to the martial art. He was never drawn to a new school, for some reason.

Then, one Sunday afternoon, The Referee got caught up in some light saber battles with a few of the kids and teens at church. He was having so much fun, that he asked if they would be interested in learning some REAL fighting techniques. That is when he admitted that he was martial arts trained, and could technically train others. The idea was a hit. After receiving permission from the church congregation, he started up a Tae Kwon Do class, using the church fellowhip hall as his Dojang. He specifically set up his class to be for self-defense, fellowship, and fitness. Class opens and ends in prayer. He did not join any official martial arts federation, so that there is no governing body, above our church. At first, I questioned if it was allowed to not be members of an organization, and would the ranks be legitimate. It turns out, that yes, it is. The Referee has sought counsel with his Uncle and a couple other Black belts who own(ed) martial arts schools, and all tell him he is on the right track with the way he runs his class.

That was 4 years ago. The class began with church members, and then opened up to the homeschooling community. The training is free. Students only have to pay for their testing materials and uniforms. They meet one evening a week and workout. Our older 3 kids are part of the class now too. It is really neat to see the fathers who come and workout with their kids. There have been quite a few occasions where the kids will eventually out-rank their Dads, because Dads often miss classes due to working late or business travel. It is harder to get the Moms to participate, me included. I have not yet jumped into that class, but I am happy to go each week and cheer them on. It is fun. It is really neat to see the progression of skill. It has been amazing to see this fine young lady train for her black belt. She started with the original class, 4 years ago. She took breaks for health and injuries. The Referee took a break. The class took breaks around the church schedule. But, in spite of those random breaks, she was able to go from no martial arts training 4-years ago, to earning a Black belt in Tae Kwon Do tonight. Impressive!

Precious Family Photos

We took a little day-trip yesterday to visit the town where The Referee grew up. Most of his family still live there. His paternal side of the family were gathering for an anniversary party for his grandparents, who are celebrating 60 years of marriage this month. His family is very efficient in their gatherings. They arrive, eat, take pictures together, view a sideshow of family pictures, then leave. Some stayed behind to clean up. The entire event barely lasted 2 hours. There was no hanging out playing board games, or basketball, or even telling jokes, or a drunken brawl. It is so much different than any of my own family's reunions. I am glad we were able to attend the party, because we were able to see some folks we don't see very often, and especially because I managed to get a few precious family photos while we were there.

This is a picture of The Referee's father, and our children. Jersey #4 and Jersey #5 were meeting their grandfather for the first time...

Thanks to The Referee's quick thinking, I was able to get a 4-generation photo too. It is such a rarity that they are all gathered in one location at the same time, that this is only the 2nd time I have been able to take such a photo in the 5 years of Jersey #3's life. This photo contains the oldest son (Jersey #3) of the oldest son (The Referee) of the oldest son...

And thankfully, when parents fall short in their responsibilities sometimes, God fills our needs with other loving folk. This is a picture of The Referee with his Uncle and Aunt, who have been big influences throughout his life. They tell me stories of babysitting him when he was young, and training him in martial arts as he grew up. This Uncle is the only man in The Referee's family who was willing to hug him, and look at pictures of our daughter, Mackenzie, after she was stillborn, and try to comfort him in his grief. He also demonstrated ways to honor your father, in spite of pain and bitterness about what should have been. He speaks politely of The Referee's father, or he holds his tongue. He inquires about The Referee's life, listens intently like he actually cares, and smiles and cheers every achievement. The Referee is relaxed when he is around this Aunt and Uncle, and laughs whenever he shares stories about growing up around them...

Happy Father's Day

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO THE REFEREE OF THE HOME TEAM!

Since The Referee spent Father's Day sick in bed with a terrible stomach bug, I will not post any pictures of him taken today. Poor guy. He is a mess. Hopefully this is one of those 24 hours bugs...

I helped the kids bake him a cake, which he is too sick to eat. We decided to save him some to pack in his lunch tomorrow. I gave Jersey #2 some of the batter so she could make him a cake in her Easy Bake Oven. She was mighty proud of herself. She was so excited to show it to her Daddy, that she forgot to frost it first. Then, Jersey #5 discovered it, and dug right in. Well, those Easy Bake cake pans are so tiny, that he managed to eat half of it before I was able to realize that he was happily broadcasting, "Mmmm!!!" with every bite!

Oh the memories! It is a good thing that we don't try to achieve perfect holidays like we see in magazine photos. So far, we find a lot of laughter, but not an ounce of perfection. I like it that way.

Happy Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO "THE REFEREE"

The older children helped me bake his birthday cake. Nana (The Referee's Mom) sent a box of goodies...cake decorating supplies, Star Wars themed party decorations, and gifts for The Referee.

The Referee took the day off from work. The birthday celebration was a blast.

I don't know if it was meant to be a gag gift or a practical gift, but the ear/nose hair trimmers, from Nana, had us all laughing hysterically....

The Referee has been complaining about how he is becoming an old man whose nose hair and ear hair is growing like crazy. Receiving the trimmers as a birthday present brought him big laughter.

Watching him open the trimmers and use them immediately.....followed by his dancing around the house showing us that his nose and ears were hair-free....brought big laughter from the rest of us.

True Love

There are many traits that can describe the greatness of a man,


but THIS is what I love most about The Referee...

He takes care of his family's needs first. He stayed up all night, at Jersey #2's bedside, and kept watch over her, so that I could get some sleep.

He never once mentioned how uncomfortable he is in hospital settings. The sight of blood and needles makes him ill. He never once complained about being tired. He took leave from work. He skipped sleep...and meals...and recreation. He stayed right there, at our daughter's bedside, making sure that she knew that she was safe and loved. He paid close attention to all of the beeping monitors, and every comment made by the nurse. He gave me a full report on the status of Jersey #2 and her care for the hours I was away. He contacted me immediately, the first night, when she was uncomfortable and wanted her Mom. He knew when to let me sleep, and when Jersey #2 needed me instead. He put the needs of his family above his own.

He was there to encourage Jersey #2, and celebrate the accomplishments she made in her recovery each day.

He carried her through the airport when she was feeling weak and shaky after that big airplane ride. He didn't mention how heavy it was to carry a 6-year old, AND carry on bags. He assured her, that her big, strong Daddy would take care of her. He said, "Hey, I had to scoop you up under your bottom like this when you were a baby too."

When we returned home, he took the weekend to fix up the air conditioning, and stocked the fridge with milk. He made sure the kids and I were all set to function well at home when he returned to work.

Then, he returned to his job that provides strong health insurance. Two years ago, he let go of a "dream" opportunity to work for a start-up, on the cutting edge of technology, because medical insurance benefits were not available. Jersey #2's health started to decline, and we knew that surgery would be in our future. The Referee decided that providing for her medical needs took priority over his career dreams.

True Love: putting the needs of others above our own desires.

BLUE

Jersey #1 earned her blue belt in Tae Kwon Do this week. I am a proud Mama!

The Referee is rather proud too, especially considering he is her instructor...

She worked hard to prepare. Then, she had to perform all of her skills for that rank, in front of the class. (There were other students testing that same night).

At the end of the test, her green belt (with its 1 blue stripe) was replaced with a new blue belt.

Jersey #1 is usually a rather sensitive child who does not seek danger or harm. Tae Kwon Do is really helping her to toughen up a little. At home, she was telling me how she was hurt during the sparring round. I praised her for being so tough to handle it, and still stay focused on doing her best. She shared that she really wanted to cry, but she fought back the tears during class. She then started crying at home, telling us that she is not really tough.

I had to hold back my desire to laugh. She was giving an honest account about herself not liking being hurt. She was saying it in a very dramatic way, which just enhanced her point. It is true that she is not rough-n-tumble, naturally.

At the same time, I see how strong and confident she is becoming. I see her efforts to succeed. She is learning to overcome some weaknesses in order to achieve her goals. It was so easy to hug her and comfort her, and encourage her that she really is growing tough.

And she's got the blue belt to prove it!

Job Stress

Five days ago, my husband called home from work in the mid morning and asked if I was able to talk for a minute. That was a clue that something was very wrong. I said yes and made my way to a quiet room to sit down and focus on the news he had to tell me.

He was calling to inform me that as of close of business that day, he was out of a job.

I stopped breathing at first, but I did not faint.

For crying out loud, he has only been on this particular job for a year and a half. He faced a job lay-off 3 years ago, and worked for a start-up that tanked in between that. He realized the need to find a stable job with strong medical benefits, as our daughter's health is a priority. We thought he was in a "safe" job right now. Apparently not.

I decided to work on breathing while he explained the situation.

The company that he is currently employed with, S-company, has been waiting on funding for the program he is working on. The money ran out and the new funding has not yet arrived. S-company thought they could just front the money and continue work. They assured the employees on this particular program that they would find them other work activities, if this program ended. They did not expect to learn that there was a major error in the management of the program and its funds, which created a crisis and an immediate halt to the work.

That halt was taking effect at the close of the business day.

Unfortunately, the turn of events occurred so suddenly, that S-company did not have the resources to reassign the effected employees, as was initially offered. Instead, they asked the employees to take a couple days of leave to allow time to sort out the details. It has been hinted that those couple days might turn into a couple weeks.

The Referee has been saving his leave to take when Jersey #2 has her heart surgery.

During the meeting, the employees were encouraged to take their leave or furlough. An email that circulated shortly after the meeting, gave a few more options. One option was to be reassigned. So, The Referee approached his boss and asked if reassignment was really an option. His boss started to explain how it is not really an option right now.....but the phone rang and interrupted him. On the other line of the phone was a bigger boss who wanted a database created to track the details of what went wrong on this program. The Referee was just the man for the job. So, he was immediately offered the task of creating a database. He was given 3 working days to complete the work.

That work carries him through the business day today.

I do not know what news today will bring. There are many unknowns.

I do know that my God is the same, no matter what challenges we face. His Word is the truth no matter what is going on in the world. His promises are the same, no matter what stress I endure. God is in control, so there is no reason for me to be afraid. He holds us in the palm of his hand. He will supply all our needs.

The BEST Disruption

This past weekend I enjoyed the BEST disruption to my regular life routine. Starting at lunchtime on Friday, nothing was the same.

And I loved every minute of it!

The Referee worked extra hours earlier in the week, so he could arrive home by lunchtime Friday. He took over caring for our kids from that point.

I left the house and went to our church for an all night ladies scrapbooking event. We jokingly called it a "Scrap-over." We planned pizza for dinner, and each brought items for the meal. We had not done such an event for an entire year, and that is exactly how long it has been since I last had the chance to scrapbook.

I was so excited for this opportunity, that I arrived early just to set up, organize my stuff, and get started. I knew that as soon as the other ladies arrived at dinner time, that I would be chatting and laughing, so my productivity on my scrapbook album would decrease. As the evening went on, only 4 ladies remained all night. It was fun.

I really enjoy getting together for events like this, because I really get to know the ladies at our church on a different level. The more we are around each other, the more we get to know each other, and the more I like them. We laugh together. I love to laugh.

These are the same ladies who pray for me during tough times, and let me cry on their shoulder any time. But, there is something special about getting the chance to have fun and laugh with them.

I broke down and took a 2-hour nap around 5:30am. I am not a night owl or an all-nighter normally.

I had to leave shortly after lunchtime on Saturday, to take my older girls to an activity. After that, I returned home. I thought I would take a little nap, so I climbed into bed at 4pm.

My nap turned into an all-nighter also.

I am a little surprised that my husband and children did not wake me up at all in the evening or night. They told me later that they did come into the room to check on me frequently, but that I was sleeping so soundly they decided to let me be. Jersey #3 apparently climbed over my legs to get to his dresser to put on PJs, but that didn't wake me. The Referee even made dinner, thinking I would surely wake from hunger. Jersey #2 climbed into bed next to me at some point, but that did not wake me either.

I woke up at 7am Sunday morning.

It turns out that I followed up 24 hours of scrapbooking fun with 15 hours of sleep!

Yep, that is certainly different than the way my weekends usually go.

It was the greatest schedule disruption I have ever experienced. I feel so different. I am rested. I am refreshed. I do not feel the same level of stress about life. I am relaxed. I smile more. I laugh more. (And somehow I actually want to sleep more).

I am so impressed with my husband. I was pleased he was willing to take care of the kids for 1 night. I never expected him to be willing to take care of the kids for 2 nights. He enjoyed this time with the kids. They had a blast with their Daddy. That just makes the whole weekend that much sweeter.

Tag

Life is absolutely crazy right now.

It is as if my husband and I are involved in this giant game of tag. We have so many activities going on, that we are to the point of tagging each other when it is time to shift the responsibility.

The Referee was on travel of his job for 5 days last week. It was only suppose to be 4 days, but snowy weather canceled many air travel schedules, and he was stranded an extra day. I held down the home-front. I am not meant to be a single parent. I require more sleep than that. My husband arrived home late in the evening on Friday. We managed to eat dinner and put the kids to bed, before we both dropped into bed ourselves, from sheer exhaustion.

We were up early Saturday morning. That was the day of the last basketball games of this season. We were signed up to bring snacks for Jersey #2's team, so I was up early to pack snack goody bags, pack the diaper bag, set out clothes for the kids, and write out checks for the bills. We loaded the family up in the van and headed out early, so we could stop off at the bank and pay the mortgage.

The Referee was the referee for Jersey #2's game, as well as the 3 games that followed, that day. He literally ran up and down a basketball court for 4 hours! I got to watch half of Jersey #2's game before I had to load up the remaining 4 children and shuttle Jersey #1 to her game. I dropped her off in the care of her coach, and drove back to the first gym to pick up Jersey #2. I arrived just in time for the team Mom to announce plans for an end-of-season party, and her desire to collect money for the coach's gift. I ran out to the van to grab some cash out of my wallet for the gift, and ran back into the gym. I checked in with The Referee, and let him know I was taking Jersey #2 with me, and was now responsible for all of our children.

Tag....I'm it!

I drove over to the gym where Jersey #1 was playing her final game. I arrived at half-time. Since I am the team Mom for her team, I then helped the coach give out awards, and reminded the team (and their parents) about the end-of-season party I had planned. I gathered all 5 of my kids and headed out to the van.

While the Referee was busy being the referee for 2 more games, I took the kids with me to Jiffy Lube to get the oil changed in the van. They were quick and they had popcorn for the kids to snack on while we waited.

We returned to the gym to watch the last half of the final game. The kids swarmed The Referee when the game was over. We loaded back up in the van and drove to Dollar Tree to let the kids spend their Valentine's dollars from their grandparents.

The Referee received a call that he was needed to drive a run for that shuttle side-job he has. He decided to eat and take a nap, so he would be rested for the late night driving. I had the kids help me straighten the house and complete some light cleaning, while The Referee napped. He hugged and kissed us good-bye and went to work. I fed the kids and got them ready for bed.

The Referee made it home Sunday morning with just enough time to shower and help me load up the kids in the van for church. I think we spent more time together sitting next to each other in the pew at Sunday school than we had been able to spend together all week! That time was cut short when The Referee worked the audio/visual booth during the morning church service. Just before he went up to the booth, he informed me that we could not doddle after church, because his side-job duties ran earlier than anticipated.

We returned home after church, whipped up a quick lunch, and The Referee was off to work again, with another shuttle run. Jersey #1 had a friend over for the afternoon, to get ready to spend the night at her house that evening. I took care of the kids and balanced the monthly budget.

The Referee returned home just before bedtime and helped me put the kids to bed. I had to set the alarm to wake me up early, because I had to report for jury duty first thing this morning!

Tag....He's it!

The Referee spent the day home with the kids, while I spend the day at the courthouse, serving on the grand jury. He was concerned about checking in at work, since he had been away all last week. On my lunch break, we ran over to his workplace, so he could make a brief appearance and check the status of a few things. He had driven me to the courthouse this morning, because I when I went to back out of the driveway in his car, the rear view mirror fell off into my hand and we did not have time to fix it just then. His chauffeuring me worked out great, because I could stay in the van with the kids while he ran into work for a few minutes.

When The Referee picked me up from court at the end of the day, the first thing he told me was that he has no idea how I ever manage to get anything else done while taking care of the kids all day! He never found the time to shower.

Court let out late, so we only had 2 hours before The Referee had to go drive for another shuttle run. We decided to race through 2 stores to complete our grocery shopping. We spoiled the kids with a candy at the end, because they were such troopers and behaved so well through it all. We returned home and unloaded the groceries. The Referee jumped into the shower while I put groceries away.

I corralled the younger kids into the bathtub while he changed the light bulb in the playroom. Then, he was off to work again, driving a shuttle run. I got the kids into their PJs and let them watch a Veggie Tales DVD while I ate a very late dinner.

The Referee will be home late tonight. He has to set an alarm to get himself up early tomorrow to return to his regular job. He has to work 10-hours a day for the next 4 days, to make up for the fact that he was home with the kids today, so I could report for jury duty.

I return to homeschooling, home-making, and childcare tomorrow. Plus, I am hosting Jersey #1's basketball team party. This whole week is filled with activities. I would say that things should mellow out by next Sunday, but we've been told that the shuttle business is booming right now, and the week is full. So, The Referee will probably be going strong next weekend too. So, as far as the home-front is concerned.....

Tag....I'm it!

Boys will be Boys

I am not certain which of my guys is most impressive here....

I am often amused by the random and spontaneous activities that males find to demonstrate their strength.

I do not understand. I do not relate. But, I am entertained.

Basketball Season Has Begun

Winter is here. For The Home Team, that means that it is basketball season! The girls have been practicing for a few weeks already, and games began today. Attending basketball games is a fun activity for the whole family. I sat on the bleachers with the younger kids....cheering, chasing Jersey #5 off the court, and taking Jersey #4 to the potty, repeatedly! During Jersey #1's game this morning, The Referee was the referee. That was his first referee experience for a basketball game. He says it is quite a bit different than being the referee for soccer.

This year, the girls are not on the same team. Their ages place them in different brackets, and on different teams. Jersey #2 has the additional adjustment to playing on a co-ed team, as there were not enough girls signed up to form their own league. Thankfully, her coach is the father of a daughter on the team, so he seems pretty good about treating the girls as fairly as the boys. I admit we were a bit concerned about that at first.

Another difference about the coed team is that there are more players than usual (because there are plenty of boys signed up to play). Each player plays half a game (versus the 3/4 of a game the girls are used to playing due to smaller teams). This is a great blessing in disguise, because it means that Jersey #2 is ONLY playing half a game. I have been struggling with the choice to let her play, knowing her heart is weak. We had her signed up before we knew she would need surgery now. We don't want to remove her from her activities and treat her like she is being punished for having a heart condition. So, her only playing half a game at a time is a really good compromise. I am going to stretch that even further and ask her coach to sit her out every other period, so that she plays one, rests one. She played 2 periods in a row today and was way too pale for our liking during that second one. She lost her smile for a while too, and that is a bad sign. After a few minutes of sitting on the bench, her color and smile returned and she left the game loving basketball!

Jersey #1 has the same coach that both girls had last year. We are excited about that. He is a great coach, and has an absolute love for the game of basketball. His enthusiasm is contagious! Jersey #1 really enjoys playing basketball. With her height and chicken legs, it seem like a good fit for her! She was very excited to have her Daddy ref her game. Normally they don't have parents ref their own child's game, but they were low on volunteers and he was trained and willing. He did a great job, and got the best seat in the house to watch Jersey #1 play!

When Opposites Attract

The Referee and I are about as opposite as two people can be. It is more than just the differences between men and women. I am an extreme extrovert. He is an extreme introvert. I like sweet snacks. He likes salty snacks. I am an early bird, who requires a good night's sleep. He is a night owl who acts like sleep is optional, but not required to function. I like things neat, organized, and everything in its place. He decorates with cords and clutter. I would eat meat with every meal. He would call a salad a meal. I am an optimist. He is a pessimist. I count my blessings. He complains about everything (even things he likes). I like movies with a sports theme, where the underdog team works hard and wins in the end. He likes science fiction, adventure, explosions, and a good fight. I would love to throw out the television. He watches TV while playing a computer game on his laptop, along with music running from his computer. I am a Do-er. He is a Think-er. I am sensitive and emotional. He keeps his emotions and responses steady.

Clearly he is flawed! Since I like myself the way I am, then his ways must be wrong. I wasted a lot of time trying to change him to be more like me. It never worked. He is not like me. He is not me at all.

I used to focus on his lack of excitement during the good times. Where's your joy? He'd look at me confused and say he was happy. I'd look at him confused, because if you are happy, aren't you smiling from ear to ear, ready to burst? He thought I was crazy, because no, he has never had the desire to behave in such a manner. It took many years of marriage for me to realize that there is no way that this man who can keep his emotions steady during tough times is going to be able to let them burst during joyous times. It doesn't work that way. So, he goes through life as a steady line.....I bounce through life in waves and troughs.

Thankfully, our paths still meet in the middle.