NINE

Jersey #2 is NINE years old!

I fall apart at age 9.  It really hits me hard.  I had a tough time the year Mackenzie would have been 9 years old.  I was really emotional when Jersey #1 was turning 9 years old.  

Age 9 means that half of childhood is over.

Those 9 years sure fly by fast!

With Jersey #2, I am going back and forth.  I am shocked and emotional because half of her childhood is already over.  Then again, I am joyous that she has survived for half of her childhood!  (Her heart condition used to be fatal by age 5, not that long ago).  

The first 9 years of childhood are the ones where kids are more dependent on Mom.  I am quickly learning that the next 9 years are a steady stream of letting my kids gain their independence....and seeing how much they accepted my influence as they make their own decisions.  From my current standpoint, I would rather be back in the season where I had multiple kids in diapers, toddling, and napping.  The 9th birthday is a huge wake-up call to the fact that I have to let my children grow into pre-teens, teenagers, and young adults.  They are growing up.  No fair!

Sure enough, Jersey #2 has embraced being 9 years old.  She has already started to pay more attention to clothes, and friends, and listening in when adult are talking.  She has even taken to spending some time alone in her room, reading, drawing, or thinking.  There are positives too.  She is becoming more responsible for herself.  She is becoming more helpful.  She is learning to express her disagreeing opinions, without being rebellious or defiant.  She is starting to decide who she is, apart from her parents.  The journey is not over, of course.  It is just changing focus.  It also appears to be accelerating.

To celebrate her 9th birthday, Jersey #2 wanted to go to a nearby amusement park, for the day, with her best friend.  (and, the rest of her family could tag along too).

Thankfully, her friend was available for a day of fun like that.  It actually worked out that her friend was able to spend the night the evening before.  Jersey #2 was very pleased with the way her birthday celebration went.

For a gift, she asked for a Chemistry set.  The Referee and I could barely contain our excitement that one of our children was taking such an early interest in science.  We told her a chemistry set was indeed a possibility for a gift.  She then told us she wanted the Chemistry set so that she could explode stuff!

We found her a nice Chemistry set, and Nana added a lab coat, goggles, and beaker to go with it.  We started referring to Jersey #2 as our mad scientist.     

Granny & PawPaw sent her a check for her birthday.  That is part of their tradition.  At age 8, the grandchildren receive the birthday budget in money for them to spend how they wish.  Jersey #2 knew this money was arriving in the mail, and anticipated how early could Granny be.  When I took her to the bank to cash the check, she asked for the amount in $5 bills.  As we were walking out of the bank, she said she thought the stack of cash would be bigger.  Then she commented that she should have gotten her money in $1 bills instead, so that it would be a bigger wad.

We enjoyed pizza and ice cream birthday cake...

Then, spent the next day having tons of fun at the amusement park...

Now I Understand

I am a bit surprised by just how emotional today has been for me.

Granted, it is the 12 year anniversary of my daughter's death.

But, as the years go by, her birthday does not necessarily impact me as hard as it did in the early years.  Year 9 was a tough one.  I wrote this post to tell her story and work through those emotions.  The past couple years have not been as difficult, so it really caught me off guard to feel such intense, roller coaster emotions this year.

I suspect part of the intensity is due to this year.  This has been one tough year for me, full of emotional turmoil and pain.  It has only been 4 months since my son, Titus, died, and it has been 5 months since my husband left our home. 

I also suspect I am feeling more of the emotions, because I am in tune to my emotions these days.  I am in the midst of major grieving in my life, and I am permitting myself to feel the depths of it.  My hope is that if I endure the intense feelings, then they will lesson as I heal.

Whatever the reason, today was emotionally exhausting.  My thoughts raced.  My emotions were up and down and all around.  I was easily distracted, and quite unsure of what to make of this day.

I had mentioned that I was going to visit the cemetery this past weekend, but I didn't.  I said I would go this morning, but I didn't.  I was having a really hard time bringing myself to go.  I just do not understand why that would be so hard.

The Referee sent an email inviting us out to dinner to celebrate his birthday.  The kids were really excited about that, because they were hoping he would want to do something fun (with them) to celebrate.  Birthdays are exciting for our kids.  They do not understand why a person would just go to work and treat it like any other day.  Clearly, they are children.

During dinner, The Referee mentioned he was planning to go by the cemetery after dinner.  That caught my interest right away.  He is not one to spend much time on his emotions or on grieving, so I was curious why he was drawn to go visit the grave.  I wanted to go but could not bring myself to do it.  The solution for me was to go with him.  That helped me a lot.

It also helped that we found a stone that was designed in such a way that we both liked.  I am planning to go with that design for our babies' gravestone too.  It has our last name at the top, with each baby's name below.  Now, I just need to figure out which images to put on the stone.  I am still not settled on that yet.

As I stood near the grave and looked around, I finally got a clue about the point of a cemetery.  It gives us a place to go and spend time thinking about our loved one.  It is a place to face the fact that they truly are gone from our life here on Earth.  It is a place to take those intense emotions and release them, and once again accept that yes we are heartbroken, but life goes on.

As I drove away from the cemetery tonight, I left those intense emotions behind.

Who knew I would find so much closure with a grave plot?

Visit the grave.  Acknowledge the life that has passed.

Admit to the pain, heartache, and grief.

Then, let go...

One day we will be reunited in heaven.  What a glorious day that will be!

Birthday Party Adventures

When we were discussing how Jersey #3 wanted to celebrate his birthday this year, he told me that he wanted a party at our house with 3 specific things:

1)  His cousin

2)  His friend from AWANA

3)  A Mario pinata

I totally feel like Mom of the Year right now, because I accomplished these requirements with gusto this year!  Jersey #3 is easy to please.

1)  I managed to borrow my nephew for the weekend, so he could attend the party.

2)  His friend from AWANA (his very first friend he ever made on his own), was able to attend the party and stay the night afterward.

3)  Even though I ordered a little Mario pinata online, we happened to find this massive Mario pinata at Walmart the day before the party.  I had to buy it, because it was SO cool.  (It turns out that was the best pinata I have ever experienced, so I will be getting more like it in the future).

We also invited other people to the birthday party, so it was a full house.  Our Pastor came over with his grill to cook hamburgers and hotdogs for me.  The Referee hung the big Mario pinata from a tree limb in the backyard.  There was plenty of food, friends, family, candy, and cake.

There was also a bit more excitement than I had planned.

One dog-loving child got too-close-for-comfort with my dog, and she snapped at him.  She managed to leave a couple scrapes on his nose, which bled a lot and sent him into hysterics.  His grandparents had brought him to the party, and this was their first visit to our home, so we did not make a good impression.  Thankfully, the grandparents (and also the child's parents) are all dog-loving folks who knew the dog was being defensive, and not aggressive.  The wounds were not deep, so the reaction was calm.  I was thankful for that.  When we saw the child later the next week, he spoke well of the party and my dog, so that was nice.

After the dog bite incident, we moved on to the pinata.  It seemed like a good idea at the time, but part way through the process I started to wonder if the hanging a pinata that was shaped like a man, from a tree in the backyard, and hitting it with a bat, was a bit violent.  The candy was tucked in the chest, belly, and butt region.  When an arm was knocked off, the crowd of children cheered.  That seemed odd.  They cheers grew wilder as each leg was knocked off, and yet no candy fell.  It really was a cool pinata, and held up well.  The kids were not blindfolded, and were hitting it with Jersey #3's new Louisville Slugger baseball bat his grandparents gave him for his birthday.  I had it stuffed so full of candy and toys that it rained tootsie rolls for 2 full minutes after the body cavity was actually busted open! 

When the party was over, and all the guests had left, Jersey #3 was able to enjoy a sleep-over with his cousin and his friend.  For the rest of the night, they pretty much played video games on the Wii.  They woke up early the next morning and immediately resumed playing video games.

When it was time to put on PJs and prepare for bed, 3 boys turned into super heroes and asked to sleep in the tent that Jersey #3 had just received for a birthday gift.  I tried to tell them that the wood floor would be pretty hard to sleep on.  They didn't seem to mind.

Much to Jersey #2's delight, she also got to enjoy a sleep-over with an AWANA friend, who happened to be the sister of Jersey #3's friend.  (Did I mention Mom of the Year?)  The girls had lots of fun together, without playing a single video game....which was good, because I doubt the boys would have shared the game system anyway.

 

Seven!

Jersey #3 is SEVEN years old today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

It is hard to believe that the infant who was so insecure, and so high-maintenance, has grown into this sweet, confident, happy boy.  Jersey #3 lights up the world with his enthusiasm and joy.

The birthday tradition at our house is for me to set up the dining room table with decorations and presents after the kids are asleep the night before.  The birthday child wakes up to a birthday wonderland.  

We also eat cake for breakfast.  The birthday child opens presents, and then we sing the "Happy Birthday" song, and eat cake.  It is great fun, and the kids really look forward to these few times a year that we eat cake for breakfast.  This year, Jersey #3 chose a cheesecake.  (He got to choose a smaller cake for his actual birthday, because we are hosting his party next weekend).

We also bought whipped cream to go on top of the cheesecake.  It was the spray kind of whipped cream.  It tempted some children to tilt the can and spray whipped cream right into their mouths...

Jersey #3 had a blast today.  I gave him the day off from schoolwork, and he was permitted to enjoy his new sports equipment and video games all day long.  Granny & PawPaw got him a bat, glove, and baseballs.  I got him a couple games for the Wii and for his DSi.  His "big" present that he requested this year was an MP3 player.  I even let him pick out the color (he chose green).  

Even though he won't admit that he likes new clothes too, Jersey #3 was more than willing to try on his new jeans, shirts and shoes, that he received from extended family.  Granny knows that Jersey #3 prefers to wear denim.  He chooses jean pants or jean shorts every day, so she got him a new pair of jeans to go with his new t-shirts.  He looked quite handsome...

The Referee has this great tradition of taking the birthday child out for lunch on their birthday.  It has been really sweet in years past when he would take a long lunch break from work, and show up to take the birthday child out to lunch.  The kids all love this one-on-one time with Dad.

Now that he is no longer living with us, The Referee works out visits with the kids.  Sometimes it is individual visits and sometimes it is a visit with the whole herd at once.  The one-on-one time and lunches out are not as unique as they were before, but the children still look forward to getting a visit with their Dad on their birthday.  The tradition has grown to include an opportunity to pick out a gift from Dad too.  This year, Jersey #3 asked if they could go to a movie instead of out to lunch.  It worked out that they were able to go see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in 3D.  I thought that was totally adorable, considering how much The Referee loved Star Wars when he was a kid.  

I was delighted when The Referee sent me this picture from his phone, of Jersey #3 at the theater, wearing the 3D glasses...

  

How fun it is to celebrate turning 7-years old!

FIVE

My pretty princess is 5 years old today.

Happy Birthday Jersey #4.

I love age 5.  It is such a big milestone.  The baby, toddler, and preschool years have passed, and a new level of independence blooms.  If we have taken the time to be consistent through the previous "training" years, then discipline becomes less frequent, and obedience becomes the norm.  I usually really enjoy this kindergarten age as a reward for all the effort required up to this point.

With Jersey #4, I have been in complete denial that it is even possible for her to be turning 5.  She seems so young.  She seems so small.  It just doesn't seem that 5 years has already passed.  Developmentally, I realize that she is 5.  She is really ready to be a kindergartener this Fall.  I've decided that the years must have been more blurred, because she can be such a challenging child.  Maybe I was too wrapped up in her constantly testing my parenting consistency to actually notice the passing of time?  

I don't know if it was the truth in the calendar date, or the new, bigger clothes she received as a birthday gift, or what, but Jersey #4 certainly emerged into a five year old today.  She even seemed older to me.  Dare I say she even seemed like a more compliant child?

(No, I don't dare say such a thing.  As the parent of such a strong-willed daughter, I know better than to let my guard down.  She will catch wind that I have relaxed, and will immediately test to see if the boundaries are still the same.  I must always be prepared for her random attempts to push the boundaries, and respond with consistency that the limits are firmly in place!)    

For her birthday this year, Jersey #4 wanted to celebrate at a miniature golf place.  It wasn't the golf that drew her, but more their really large safari animal statues.  The owners even let her climb on them, which she loves.  

The party  was fun.  Jersey #4 had a wonderful birthday.  Her friends and family really spoiled her.  She received many new toys and outfits.  She is at a sweet age, where she still enjoys baby dolls and play kitchen/food sets.  

It is almost time to order homeschool curriculum for the Fall (to get the discount price).  I am still wrapping my mind around having a new kindergartener to school.  Someone told her that she would get to learn how to read in kindergarten, so Jersey #4 has been busy trying to master the sounds of the alphabet letters, and how to blend 2 letter sounds together.  It already looks like she is going to enjoy academic learning.

I suppose I cannot deny it any longer.  Jersey #4 celebrated her 5th birthday.  She is officially 5 years old.

She just insists on growing up.

Slumber Party

Jersey #1 turned 10 years old in January.  She decided to celebrate with a slumber party.

That turned out to be quite an experience!  

Considering how much I enjoy sleep, I am not sure how much of a slumber party Mommy I really am.

It was also wild to have that many 10, 11, and 12 year old girls in our house at once.  Oh my!  

At one point, Jersey #3 ran through the house with his ears covered, yelling, "There are too many girls here!"  He hid in his room a while.

Jersey #1 invited the girls from her enrichment class, as well as friends from church.  Usually, about half the people you invite will actually be able to make it.  That rule did not apply this time.  Instead, about 90% of the girls invited were able to attend.  Half of those were able to sleep-over for the slumber party part.

Slumber party is a misnomer--there was no slumbering going on!  I was surprised those girls didn't wear themselves out.  Maybe it was because there was so much junk food available.  They even enjoyed a competition to create a junk food "treat" for the birthday girl.  She was afraid to sample the creations...

The girls, and certainly Jersey #1, had a really good time.  There was lots of food....

There was time for dressing up real fancy....

Everyone brought sleeping bags, pillows, and blankets.  They were set up to "look" like sleeping would be happening....

Jersey #1 received a ton of really nice gifts...

Granny and PawPaw sent her money to buy her own gift.  Money is really fun at this age...

What is not-so-fun is the emerging attitude of our new 10-year-old.  Somehow, she thinks she is going to avoid pictures now.  Ha!  Like that is going to be an option with her photo-loving Mom...

She could not resist posing for a photo when she tried on her new cowgirl outfit.  She is all decked out with hat, boots, and shirt, and ready to ride horses this summer....

10.  A double-digit birthday.  Who is letting this child grow up so fast?