Rocking My Baby

I love rocking my babies. Those sweet, cuddly moments in time, when I stop the hustle and bustle of life, and spend time just cherishing my little one. It is such a fleeting opportunity. Those babies grow up so fast.

They become so independent. They want to run and play, and dress themselves. They are too big and too busy to sit and rock like that.

I am really struggling with the short season of motherhood lately. Jersey #1 turning 9 years old hit me hard. If I keep this up, I am going to be a wreck when my nest starts to empty.

And then I was blessed with a golden opportunity. A reminder that my role as Mommy changes and grows over time, but does not lose its significance.

Jersey #1 asked me to sit with her. She wanted to climb into my lap and rock. She was sick. She was full of fever. She wanted the comfort of her Mommy.

She is 9 years old.

Her request was rare. It has been many years since she last rocked in my arms.

I settled into the recliner and pulled Jersey #1 into my lap. I wrapped her up in her blanket, and held her close. It was hard to see her suffer. Her fever was so high it was causing her pain and tears. We rocked together and waited for the medicine to do its job.

I cherished that moment of having her in my arms again. I knew it would not last. Tylenol is pretty quick. It had her feeling better in 10 minutes.

But, those 10 minutes were a blessing.

They were also a reminder to me. This season of motherhood is short. The level of dependence decreases quickly as a child grows.

But, the comfort a mother can bring is forever.

Firstborn

I recently read "Born to Win," by Dr. Kevin Leman, as part of our family goal of reading 50 books this year. It was one of those books that just caught my eye in the store. I am a firstborn, so it intrigued me. Plus, it was on sale.

I liked this book so much, that I am excited to check our more of his books on relationships and birth order. It is a fascinating subject.

I was surprised to learn that he defines firstborn, not just in terms of actual birth order. He includes a "functional firstborn" as the first born of an opposite gender, as well as the first born after an age gap.

It is neat to see the way he lists all the advantages to being a firstborn, and all of the hindrances when things get out of balance. I could see so many traits of myself there....the good and the bad.

There were three components to this book that helped me out tremendously.

1) He constantly points out how the world requires folks of all birth orders. We need to appreciate our differences. Different strengths complement each other's different weaknesses.

2) Judgment: one of my greatest weaknesses is the critical eye and negative thoughts and judgment of others. I have learned to hold my tongue through the years, but I have not learned to stop the critical thoughts. I can find fault in anything, immediately. The opposite side to that trait is that I am defensive. I am braced and ready to stand up to the fault-finders criticizing my life. I knew I struggled with this problem. I did not realize it was considered related to being firstborn. This, of course, is one of the firstborn traits being out of balance, and a detriment.

3) Parenting: This book has really opened my eyes to ways that I respond to my kids and ways I can improve. There are traits of firstborns that can be encouraged in children of any birth order. I see where I need to reduce my critical eye and encourage my kids more. I was also pleased to see that I am on the right track to celebrate the uniqueness of each of my kids.

Seriously?

I am going to rant.

Lately, I have had some interactions with companies that have made me stop in my tracks, with a puzzled look on my face, and ask "seriously?"

Where have all the brains and common sense gone?

I received 2 calls from the same number last week. I attempted to answer the 2nd one, and the line disconnected after I said hello. So, I called back. I was curious to know who was trying to get a hold of me like that. It was our mortgage company. I finally made it through the automated phone system to a live person. That, in itself, was a challenge, because my cough kept interrupting the voice activated menu. (I dislike voice activated menus).

I explained to the live person that I had received 2 calls, was disconnected, and wanted to know why the mortgage company was calling. The guy looks at my account, and starts to hem-haw around. "Well, you see, your payment just posted today."

Me: "That payment was made in person to your banking center 4 days ago."

Service rep: "Yes. But, it just posted today. You see, it was the weekend, and then there was a bank holiday."

Me: "That is all fine. But, why are you calling me about it tonight? Your policy is that if I make the payment in person, it credits the day the payment is made, regardless of when the company actually gets around to posting it."

Service rep: "Well, you see, our system did not update in time to show your payment was made. It just posted today."

Me: "Your system shows my payment is posted now. But, you guys just called me 5 minutes ago. It is over 3 hours past close-of-business. Why are you calling me then?"

Service rep: "Well, um, you see, our system is not updated that quickly. The collections department is still open for another hour."

Me: "Ok, let me get this straight. You are calling me today, because you are treating me as if my mortgage payment has not been made. But, my payment has been made....in person...earlier than the due date. But, the payment was not posted in time, because that department took a weekend off, followed by a bank holiday, and did not post the payment until today. Yet, your collections department would like to call me, hang up on me, and harass me, late this evening, for a payment that your own system is actually showing has been made 4 days ago....AND POSTED today?"

Service Rep: "Yes. Um, you see, our systems did not update properly today."

Me: "So why is this my problem? I made the payment on time. I have the receipt. I am not responsible for your errors. Please stop calling me."

Service Rep: "Would you like me to update your email address?"

Me: (Laughing) "No. I don't want to give your computer system anymore updated information to wrongly contact me. I pay my mortgage on time, and always have.

Service Rep: "I do show your payment was made on time. There is no problem there."

There is no problem except for the fact that the mortgage company treats people like numbers, and can't seem to handle their own duties of receiving and processing payments.

I had been thinking it would be a good idea to sign up for automated payments, but now I am hesitant at how messed up that process could become.

It doesn't help that my own credit union cannot seem to get automated payments going either. We have gone 4 rounds with them, and still do not have resolution to that problem.

We had our auto loans set up to pay every time a direct deposit hits the account. When The Referee changed jobs, he went in and asked the credit union to update the payments to come from the new employer. 4 paydays later, they still cannot seem to get the auto payments made out of the direct deposit.

The first attempt failed because the lady transposed the numbers of the year, so the request was rejected by the computer system.

The second attempt failed for reasons they could not explain.

The third attempt failed (supposedly) because the employer changed the deposit code.

I actually asked the rep at this point why it was so difficult to set up an automatic payment from a direct deposit. Shouldn't this be something you guys do pretty regularly, in a widespread fashion? She assured me that our situation was unique, and that they usually do have automatic payments done all the time without problem.

The fourth attempt failed because the employer changed the deposit code. Oh, sure, like I was going to believe that again. So, the rep went round and round and sought assistance, because she really could not figure out why it did not go through. She suggested that she could set up the payments to come out of the account automatically on payday, and not tie them to the direct deposit.

Fine. Try that.

Then, she called me right back and actually asked, "Do you want me to go ahead and make those payments for you? I show that they were due on Friday, so I can't make any changes until the account is current."

I could not help but laugh. I tried to gain composure and explained that the account would be current if the automatic payments that have been set up over 2 months ago would actually go through! Of course I wanted the payments made. That is why I call every single payday and inquire as to why the payment did not go through. And, as a matter of fact, the reason the payment is now late is because when I called first thing Friday morning, I was told by this exact rep that I had to give it until close of business to see if the payment would go through, and if it did not, then I could call the next business day. So, by her own poor advice, and by the credit union's incompetence, they are not receiving the payments that I am actually going through great lengths to pay! They are not quick to solve the issue, but they are quick to tell me that my payment is late...even though they were the ones who insisted I wait until it was late before they would admit there was a problem!

She stopped to think about what I just said. In a concerned tone, she replied, "You have a point. I will make those payments for you and try to fix this issue."

Great! I would LOVE to see you fix this issue. Trust me, my patience is growing thin. The Referee and I are already considering looking for a different credit union, if this payroll problem continues much longer. A credit union who cannot make payments to their own loans with a direct deposit makes me nervous about their competence.

It should not be this hard to make a payment. I would expect the companies to actually want the money that we owe them. I knew the commitment to get out of debt was going to be challenging, but I had no idea that the challenge was going to be in the actual posting of payments.

NINE!

Jersey #1 is 9-years old today...

It is hard to believe that half of her childhood has passed already. She is growing into such a sweet, young lady. Our first live-born child. She reminded us that life is for the living. She gave us a reason to keep living, instead of focusing on our grief. She filled our broken hearts with joy. She continues to bring us joy. She is smart, strong, and independent. She leaps through life, wearing the perfect outfit for every occasion.

She is growing up way to fast. She has always been in a hurry to grow up. I try not to blink and miss a thing. But, the years continue to speed by...

Zero:


One:

Two:

Three:

Four:

Five:

Six:

Seven:

Eight:
Nine:

Book Club

We are a family who loves books. We have shelves of books, piles of books, and closets full of books around our house.

There was a time when The Referee and I decorated in books. Bookshelves were our primary pieces of furniture. We looked forward to buying our college textbooks at the start of each semester, and we rarely sold them back to the bookstore at the semester's end. We justified ourselves by saying we were building a "reference" library for our fields of study.

As the kids and toys began to fill the house, I discovered that I did not have near as much time to read, and hardly the space to store so many unused books. I spent a full year purging all of the excess out of our house. We got rid of a ton of books.

And, then we acquired more.

When we started officially homeschooling, I started filling our home office/school room with school books, text books, workbooks, and all sorts of educational reading material. I filled up every shelf space that was once cleared in previous years. Now, we are in need of more bookshelves.

I have a friend who posted on Facebook that she had read over 60+ books in 2010. I commented back to her that it was more than a book a week, considering there are 52 weeks in a year. Then, and idea struck me:

We should read 50 books this year. That is just under a book a week.

I have been assigning the older kids to read a book a week and write a book report, during the school year this year.

I got to thinking that might be a great idea for me too. It would inspire me to get back into reading, a hobby that I have let go in the midst of motherhood. I thought the kids would enjoy it more if we did this goal as a family. The Referee was on board immediately.

So, I designed a spreadsheet to keep track of each book we read. At first, it was a casual thing. Then, the other night, I was updating the information, and I made a comment that The Referee was ahead of the goal. He reads a lot. That peaked Jersey #1's competitive nature, and she started to whine about how it was not fair, started to complain about the book she was reading, then started to plot and scheme ways to get ahead of him. She scanned the shelves for a simpler book to read real quick, so she could catch up to him. I suspect a spark has been lit in her, as now she is planning book after book.

I am not going to dare tell her at this point that her Dad reads constantly. He has books in paper form and electronic form. He reads on his laptop, on his phone, and now on the Kindle he received for Christmas. It will not surprise me if he surpasses the goal. It will be fun to watch Jersey #1 try to read more just to beat him. A little friendly competition to achieve a worthwhile goal.

A while back, I suggested to The Referee that he and I should read the same book and then take the time to discuss it. This seemed like a fun activity to help us reconnect more. I picked the first book, Love and Respect, then The Referee picked the 2nd book. Then, life got in the way, and we never finished the book or talked about it.

So, I started out my reading list this year with that unfinished book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

This book selection has a story. The Referee thinks Stephen Covey is brilliant. He has had the benefit of attending seminars put on by Franklin Covey representatives, with past employers. The book, the people, and the company have a wealth of ideas for success that The Referee would like to acquire.

The amusing part to me is that The Referee is convinced that I have these skills already. Naturally. He has told me this for years. He wanted me to read the book and verify that he was correct, and that I do the things outlined in this book on my own. I have always shook my head and rolled my eyes, thinking he was silly for thinking there is a secret to success in a book like that.

I am still amused. It is a good book. All due respect to Mr. Covey. His skills appear to be keys to success. He has some great points about leading a balanced life. I love the win/win approach. I stink at "sharpening the saw," so I still have to work on that.

And, yes, I do find the skills outlined in the book to be fairly natural. Actually, the book seems a bit long-winded to go into such depth to explain something that strikes me as so simple. But, knowing The Referee's perspective, I realize that it is not so simple to everyone.

This book is filled with great, inspiring quotes, from incredible people. It also gave me ideas for encouraging a stronger work ethic in myself and my kids.

It's Been A While...

No, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth.

I can hardly believe it has been nearly 2 weeks since my last blog post. For some reason, January has been a whirlwind. It is actually busier than December was. How is that possible?

Life is good.

And very busy.

Work, school, travel, illness, birthday party, and big milestones in growing children...

I've got plenty of stories to tell and pictures to share. I hope to resume that again soon.

But, for now, I am returning to bed. I am the sick one. I'm battling a big upper respiratory infection that I acquired from work. This is bad news, considering where I work and the quality and concentration of the "bugs" there. Ugh.

Lil' Puppy Brother

Jersey #4 and Jersey #5 are often found together. I am tempted to suggest that they are friends. The reality is that Jersey #4 likes to boss Jersey #5 around and treat him like her puppy.

After helping me bake cookies, they started playing with the kitchen stool and climbing on the washing machine. I was casually listening to their conversation while I cleaned up.

Jersey #4: "Climb up here, stupid."

Me: "Don't call people 'stupid' Jersey #4. That is not nice."

Jersey #4: I didn't say STUPID. I said SCOOBY!!!!"

Jersey #5: "I a dog, Mommy." (sticks out tongue and imitates panting).

"See" (pant)(pant)(pant).

"I STOOBY DOO!"

Boys

I don't think I am cut out to be the mother of boys.

We will just ignore the fact that I am already blessed with 2 of them. I am pretty sure I am only suppose to raise girls. Boys are SO different.

This is the conversation I had with Jersey #3:

Me: "Jersey #3, go use the bathroom."

Jersey #3: "But, I don't need to go potty."

Me: "Then why are your hands in your pants?"

Jersey #3: "Oh, I just like to hold it."

I was rendered speechless. That is really rare for me.

Cousin Fun

Jersey #3 was able to enjoy a sleep-over with his cousin after Christmas.

My sister has boys the same ages as my boys. I think it is just the cutest thing. Jersey #3 is 3 months older than his corresponding cousin. Jersey #5 is 2 months younger than his corresponding cousin. We did not plan it that way at all. I suppose there was no way to plan for matching boys anyway. But, it sure is neat.

My sister was the mastermind of the idea. We live 3.5 hours away from each other, but the trip is a smooth one, on one highway. There is a McDonalds nearly half-way between us. It is a 2 hour drive for her, and a 1.5 hour drive for me. We decided to make that trip, meet up at the McDonalds, eat lunch & let the kids play, then swap boys. This time around, she took Jersey #3 to her house for a couple nights. During Spring Break, we will do the same, and I will bring my nephew to my house.

It was a blast. All of the cousins enjoyed the chance to eat lunch out and play together. There was a dad with a toddler who commented, "You've got quite a crew here." We did fill a room, that is for sure.

Jersey #3 had a great time with his cousin. They have similar interests, mostly pertaining to video games. They even dressed alike while they were together. That sure makes them look like twins.

My sister commented that it was only going to be a matter of years before the younger two would be old enough for cousin sleep-overs too. Imagine the energy that will fill the house...

2011 Goals

I love a fresh start.

I enjoy flipping the wall calendar to the new month. I really enjoy hanging up a brand new calendar for a new year. I like that feeling of setting goals, making plans, and organizing the path to get there. So, a new year is just my thing. A new beginning. A fresh start.

2011 is already a great year for my planning and goal-setting tendencies. In previous years, it seemed we were in the midst of crisis management. The dust is settling this year, so I have the chance to enjoy some brainstorming and planning.

I have been evaluating my life overall. In many ways I want to re-prioritize the way I live, to fall in sync with what I value most. There are many areas where I seek to improve. I think I am going beyond the concept of a New Year Resolution. Instead, I am pursuing a series of goals to be accomplished in 2011. I like having my priorities in focus. It gives me a sense of direction. This year, I hope to keep moving forward toward all of these goals.

Bible Study: Spending time in God's Word is the highest priority. I want to get better about completing the homework assignments for the Bible study I am participating in at church, in addition to completing the Sunday School lessons each week (whether I am able to attend class or not). Then, I want to add a devotion time with the kids. I bought some simple Veggie Tales devotions that should give us a nice start. Lessons on treating each other with kindness seem like a good idea.

Marriage: I am excited that we are in a rebuilding season. The Referee and I need more together time as a couple. I am already brainstorming date nights, and ways to celebrate our anniversary this year. Even on a daily basis, I need to make more time to make him a priority. It is easy to let our busy-ness as a family distract us. We were a couple first, before we were a growing family. We will return to being a couple again, as our nest empties. It is so important to keep that relationship growing strong.

Health: It is no secret that I need to lose weight. That is a common resolution for folks in general, but for me it is a necessity. Youth and activity have allowed me to be overweight without health issues for a long time. But, it is not a good path to be on. It will catch up to me. The solution is not quick or easy, but it is simple. Eat healthier, exercise, and sleep. So, that is my health goal. As Jersey #1 pointed out to me a couple years ago, "Mom, you and Dad would not have to worry about losing weight if you ate and played the same way you make your kids." Good point. Replace the sodas and junk foods with fruits and vegetables. Run. Get to bed on time. One motivator for The Referee and I both, is to become more fit this year, so that we can add another life insurance policy (at the lowest price) that is not tied to our employer.

Mothering: I am filled with schedules, routines, activities, and tasks for caring for our kids. What I seek to improve is to make more memories. Stop and smell the roses. More rocking together. More cuddling. More baking together. Join them outside when they play. Coach their teams. Play card games and board games. I am seeking all the opportunities I can to spend play time with my kids, as this season of motherhood goes by so quickly.

Service and Relationships: Much like my mother goals, I need more focus in areas of service and strengthening relationships with friends and family. With the attitude that it is good to go out of my way for others, I seek to serve and love. In simplicity, I hope to prepare more meals, make more phone calls, send more cards, and let others know that they are not alone in this journey of life.

Homemaking: Housework is usually the first to go when times get tough. It starts with the laundry and dishes, which quickly pile up. Raising a young, active family, I do not expect to have a house that resembles a museum. But, I do think it is reasonable to have things organized, clean, and easy to quickly straighten. Organizing chores, teaching the children how to help complete chores, and finding the discipline to wash up the dishes daily and run a couple loads of laundry daily, seems worthwhile. Add in meal prep and yard upkeep, and our home will be a nice haven.

Finances: I have finally made my peace with working outside the home again. Our financial goals are clear--pay off all consumer debts, followed by building up a savings account for adoption expenses. Those goals seem to be justification for the time I am spending away from home, the long days and late hours, and the overall adjustment. Plus, it is temporary. Our planned focus in this area, should yield great strides toward those goals, throughout 2011. Our debt snowball is growing!

Education: I have education goals for our whole family, it seems. The Referee is working on a Master's Certificate that will benefit his career as well as set him up to return to Graduate School and complete that Master's Degree he began over a decade ago. I keep my eyes open for continuing education opportunities at my work, to help enhance my career path as well. One day, I hope to pursue a degree in an area of medicine, as preparation for medical mission trips...my "next career" plan for that season after our children are grown. The direction for which medical field to pursue is not yet clear to me, so I take learning opportunities as they come and wait patiently for direction from God. Since we are a homeschooling family, I have many, many education goals for our children. Recent advice for how to educate gifted children has opened my eyes to some needs in our children, and ways I can alter our curriculum schedule to encourage our children to follow their interests. I also seek to be more mindful of enrichment classes for their specific interests, so that they can continue to be challenged. Managing their education is a BIG job, and a high priority.

Discipline: Many of my life goals can be accomplished by growing in the area of discipline. I am not referring to training my children. I am referring to self discipline. Washing a load of laundry every day. Exercising every day. Buying only those items on the list. Staying within the budget parameters. Reading the Bible every day. Hug my children and kiss my husband every day. I have grown lazy. I have settled for a lower standard of living. I have gone all day without a shower. I even run late. I do not like that about myself. It is easy to dream big about goals and resolutions, but the path to get there is one very disciplined step at a time.

So, for 2011, I am keeping my big-picture goals in mind, while I attempt to discipline myself to success.



* It looks like I will have to begin my disciplined life starting on January 2nd, as I ran late to work on New Year's Day. Yep, I've got my work cut out for me...

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from The Home Team!