To the man who set the standard in my life, of what it means to be a loving father and grandfather...
And to the man who wants to be a better father to his children than he has ever experienced himself...
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Showing posts with label Fatherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fatherhood. Show all posts
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
12 Years
She would have been 12 today.
Mackenzie.
Our firstborn.
She brought me into motherhood...
She took us from a couple, to a family...
She shares her birthday with her Daddy...
She arrived stillborn due to an umbilical cord accident...
Her tiny, precious feet, left huge footprints on our hearts...
We had to say goodbye, even before we had a chance to say hello...
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Visit With PawPaw
We got to enjoy a rare treat when PawPaw came to town on business.
He had to attend training during the day, but he came over to visit in the evening. He brought goodies and junk food from Granny, and treated us to pizza for dinner. After dinner, he hung out and watched his grandbabies play for a while. It was a fun visit.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Seven!
Jersey #3 is SEVEN years old today!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
It is hard to believe that the infant who was so insecure, and so high-maintenance, has grown into this sweet, confident, happy boy. Jersey #3 lights up the world with his enthusiasm and joy.
The birthday tradition at our house is for me to set up the dining room table with decorations and presents after the kids are asleep the night before. The birthday child wakes up to a birthday wonderland.
We also eat cake for breakfast. The birthday child opens presents, and then we sing the "Happy Birthday" song, and eat cake. It is great fun, and the kids really look forward to these few times a year that we eat cake for breakfast. This year, Jersey #3 chose a cheesecake. (He got to choose a smaller cake for his actual birthday, because we are hosting his party next weekend).
We also bought whipped cream to go on top of the cheesecake. It was the spray kind of whipped cream. It tempted some children to tilt the can and spray whipped cream right into their mouths...
Jersey #3 had a blast today. I gave him the day off from schoolwork, and he was permitted to enjoy his new sports equipment and video games all day long. Granny & PawPaw got him a bat, glove, and baseballs. I got him a couple games for the Wii and for his DSi. His "big" present that he requested this year was an MP3 player. I even let him pick out the color (he chose green).
Even though he won't admit that he likes new clothes too, Jersey #3 was more than willing to try on his new jeans, shirts and shoes, that he received from extended family. Granny knows that Jersey #3 prefers to wear denim. He chooses jean pants or jean shorts every day, so she got him a new pair of jeans to go with his new t-shirts. He looked quite handsome...
The Referee has this great tradition of taking the birthday child out for lunch on their birthday. It has been really sweet in years past when he would take a long lunch break from work, and show up to take the birthday child out to lunch. The kids all love this one-on-one time with Dad.
Now that he is no longer living with us, The Referee works out visits with the kids. Sometimes it is individual visits and sometimes it is a visit with the whole herd at once. The one-on-one time and lunches out are not as unique as they were before, but the children still look forward to getting a visit with their Dad on their birthday. The tradition has grown to include an opportunity to pick out a gift from Dad too. This year, Jersey #3 asked if they could go to a movie instead of out to lunch. It worked out that they were able to go see Star Wars: The Phantom Menace in 3D. I thought that was totally adorable, considering how much The Referee loved Star Wars when he was a kid.
I was delighted when The Referee sent me this picture from his phone, of Jersey #3 at the theater, wearing the 3D glasses...
How fun it is to celebrate turning 7-years old!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Happy Father's Day
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO THE REFEREE OF THE HOME TEAM!
Since The Referee spent Father's Day sick in bed with a terrible stomach bug, I will not post any pictures of him taken today. Poor guy. He is a mess. Hopefully this is one of those 24 hours bugs...
I helped the kids bake him a cake, which he is too sick to eat. We decided to save him some to pack in his lunch tomorrow. I gave Jersey #2 some of the batter so she could make him a cake in her Easy Bake Oven. She was mighty proud of herself. She was so excited to show it to her Daddy, that she forgot to frost it first. Then, Jersey #5 discovered it, and dug right in. Well, those Easy Bake cake pans are so tiny, that he managed to eat half of it before I was able to realize that he was happily broadcasting, "Mmmm!!!" with every bite!
Oh the memories! It is a good thing that we don't try to achieve perfect holidays like we see in magazine photos. So far, we find a lot of laughter, but not an ounce of perfection. I like it that way.
I helped the kids bake him a cake, which he is too sick to eat. We decided to save him some to pack in his lunch tomorrow. I gave Jersey #2 some of the batter so she could make him a cake in her Easy Bake Oven. She was mighty proud of herself. She was so excited to show it to her Daddy, that she forgot to frost it first. Then, Jersey #5 discovered it, and dug right in. Well, those Easy Bake cake pans are so tiny, that he managed to eat half of it before I was able to realize that he was happily broadcasting, "Mmmm!!!" with every bite!
Oh the memories! It is a good thing that we don't try to achieve perfect holidays like we see in magazine photos. So far, we find a lot of laughter, but not an ounce of perfection. I like it that way.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
True Love
There are many traits that can describe the greatness of a man, 
but THIS is what I love most about The Referee...
He never once mentioned how uncomfortable he is in hospital settings. The sight of blood and needles makes him ill. He never once complained about being tired. He took leave from work. He skipped sleep...and meals...and recreation. He stayed right there, at our daughter's bedside, making sure that she knew that she was safe and loved. He paid close attention to all of the beeping monitors, and every comment made by the nurse. He gave me a full report on the status of Jersey #2 and her care for the hours I was away. He contacted me immediately, the first night, when she was uncomfortable and wanted her Mom. He knew when to let me sleep, and when Jersey #2 needed me instead. He put the needs of his family above his own.
He was there to encourage Jersey #2, and celebrate the accomplishments she made in her recovery each day.
True Love: putting the needs of others above our own desires.
but THIS is what I love most about The Referee...
He takes care of his family's needs first. He stayed up all night, at Jersey #2's bedside, and kept watch over her, so that I could get some sleep.
He never once mentioned how uncomfortable he is in hospital settings. The sight of blood and needles makes him ill. He never once complained about being tired. He took leave from work. He skipped sleep...and meals...and recreation. He stayed right there, at our daughter's bedside, making sure that she knew that she was safe and loved. He paid close attention to all of the beeping monitors, and every comment made by the nurse. He gave me a full report on the status of Jersey #2 and her care for the hours I was away. He contacted me immediately, the first night, when she was uncomfortable and wanted her Mom. He knew when to let me sleep, and when Jersey #2 needed me instead. He put the needs of his family above his own.
He was there to encourage Jersey #2, and celebrate the accomplishments she made in her recovery each day.
He carried her through the airport when she was feeling weak and shaky after that big airplane ride. He didn't mention how heavy it was to carry a 6-year old, AND carry on bags. He assured her, that her big, strong Daddy would take care of her. He said, "Hey, I had to scoop you up under your bottom like this when you were a baby too."
When we returned home, he took the weekend to fix up the air conditioning, and stocked the fridge with milk. He made sure the kids and I were all set to function well at home when he returned to work.
Then, he returned to his job that provides strong health insurance. Two years ago, he let go of a "dream" opportunity to work for a start-up, on the cutting edge of technology, because medical insurance benefits were not available. Jersey #2's health started to decline, and we knew that surgery would be in our future. The Referee decided that providing for her medical needs took priority over his career dreams.
Then, he returned to his job that provides strong health insurance. Two years ago, he let go of a "dream" opportunity to work for a start-up, on the cutting edge of technology, because medical insurance benefits were not available. Jersey #2's health started to decline, and we knew that surgery would be in our future. The Referee decided that providing for her medical needs took priority over his career dreams.
True Love: putting the needs of others above our own desires.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
From boys to men
Raising boys is so very different than raising girls. I did not start out attempting to raise my children to be gender-neutral. I took no issue with pink, purple, blue, or brown. I like baby dolls and I like soccer balls. Thinking that I already understood that boys and girls were different, I was quite surprised to learn just how BIG that difference is.
The plus side to my gender education yielded a better understanding of my husband. Before having a son, I was certain that my husband had to be from an alien race, as his ways were SO different than mine. (Of course, I saw myself as normal, and he was abnormal in all instances).
The plus side to my gender education yielded a better understanding of my husband. Before having a son, I was certain that my husband had to be from an alien race, as his ways were SO different than mine. (Of course, I saw myself as normal, and he was abnormal in all instances).
The sad part of my gender education was that I was convinced that there had to be something wrong with my son. When I took him to see the pediatrician for his well-child check-up at 2 months old, I said, "He is broken. You need to fix him." He was so different than his sisters. There have been many times that I have asked, "What is wrong with him?" My husband always answers, "He is a boy."
I understand girls. My husband understands boys. It is a good thing we are parenting together.
I understand girls. My husband understands boys. It is a good thing we are parenting together.
Since I thought I truly appreciated the differences in girls and boys, I was rather offended the first time I heard the saying, "Moms raise boys. Dads raise men." I have a lot to learn.
One of the biggest differences in boys is the level of their physical strength. It is important for Fathers to help their sons learn the limits of their strength, and how to control it. I did not realize that these lessons begin with toddlers. When our sons, as toddlers, would make their way through the house, they were accustomed to pushing everything out of their way. Furniture, pets, and even siblings moved aside as they barrel past. When they try to push past my legs, I tend to step back, give them more space, and see what they need. My husband does not budge when a child pushes against him. It is not his nature to step back to see what they need. It is his nature to look down and ask what are they doing? They push harder and scream. In the past, I would ask why my husband didn't just move out of the way, and avoid the ruckus.
He had an answer. Boys need to learn that there is a limit to their strength. It is the job of men to display that limit. Otherwise, they learn to bully their way through life, until someone stops them. It is better for Dad to stop them, than for the police, or a bigger bully to stop them. It is best for them to learn when to stop themselves. Boys need to learn when it is appropriate to exude their strength, and when it is appropriate to control it to the level of gentleness.
In our home, it is Ok to wrestle with Dad. It is not Ok to tackle your unsuspecting little sister.
The way to grow a boy into a man is to provide balance. A boy needs an outlet for his physical energy. He needs to show how strong he is. He likes to challenge his strength. He likes to push himself to the limit and beyond. It is also crucial that he learn to control himself. He needs to live within the rules of society. He needs to learn to treat others with respect. He needs to learn to treat weaker beings with tenderness. In essence, he needs to learn when to be a MAN, and when to be a husband, a father, and a friend.
A young boy who is not shown his physical limits, quickly turns into a wild child. He runs rampant through the parks and play areas, hurting other children in his wake. He doesn't mean to hurt, but he has no sense of control of his strength. As a result, other children run from him, leaving him lonely.
It is my natural tendency to focus on teaching gentleness and to restrain the physical energy. I want him to behave and be safe. The problem with my method is that it does not provide an outlet for that natural physical ability. Frustration builds, and eventually explodes. Worse yet, a once strong boy can become quite whiny and weak, learning helplessness.
I am impressed that my husband already knew all this, and naturally provides a balance for our boys. He lets them take risks. He praises them when they challenge their physical abilities. He gives them time and space to be physical. He also stands firm, without moving out of their way. He reminds them that he is the strongest male in our home, and he is in charge. He demonstrates and enforces the rules about how to interact with Mom and sisters. He enforces respect for others, for property, and for animals. He is teaching them to stay strong, but control their strength.
After finally coming to grips with this gender difference, in terms of the needs of boys and also our different parenting styles, I started observing interactions in public. I was highly amused at church recently, when Jersey #5 ran through the room in pursuit of a ball. Service was over and folks were mingling. As our son toddled along, women stepped to the side out of his way, and even moved chairs out of his way so he could continue straight through. (This seems normal to me). But, Jersey #5 was quickly halted in his tracks when he ran right into our Pastor's leg. Pastor was standing there talking, and did not budge from the impact. Jersey #5 put up his hands and started pushing against Pastor's leg, trying to force him out of the way. In a large room, with plenty of space around, the child actually insists on walking through the exact space occupied by one man's leg. Pastor stood firm and simply looked down, quite amused by the gall of such a youngster. (This seemed normal to my husband). In the end, the toddler yelled and pushed, and met his limit. His head was rubbed, he was acknowledged, but he was not in charge. He eventually gave up and went around the obstacle to get the soccer ball.
Our boys are learning to value their strength at the same time they are learning a sense of control. I am hoping that these lessons learned while they are young will serve them well in adolescence when their true strength emerges.
One of the biggest differences in boys is the level of their physical strength. It is important for Fathers to help their sons learn the limits of their strength, and how to control it. I did not realize that these lessons begin with toddlers. When our sons, as toddlers, would make their way through the house, they were accustomed to pushing everything out of their way. Furniture, pets, and even siblings moved aside as they barrel past. When they try to push past my legs, I tend to step back, give them more space, and see what they need. My husband does not budge when a child pushes against him. It is not his nature to step back to see what they need. It is his nature to look down and ask what are they doing? They push harder and scream. In the past, I would ask why my husband didn't just move out of the way, and avoid the ruckus.
He had an answer. Boys need to learn that there is a limit to their strength. It is the job of men to display that limit. Otherwise, they learn to bully their way through life, until someone stops them. It is better for Dad to stop them, than for the police, or a bigger bully to stop them. It is best for them to learn when to stop themselves. Boys need to learn when it is appropriate to exude their strength, and when it is appropriate to control it to the level of gentleness.
In our home, it is Ok to wrestle with Dad. It is not Ok to tackle your unsuspecting little sister.
The way to grow a boy into a man is to provide balance. A boy needs an outlet for his physical energy. He needs to show how strong he is. He likes to challenge his strength. He likes to push himself to the limit and beyond. It is also crucial that he learn to control himself. He needs to live within the rules of society. He needs to learn to treat others with respect. He needs to learn to treat weaker beings with tenderness. In essence, he needs to learn when to be a MAN, and when to be a husband, a father, and a friend.
A young boy who is not shown his physical limits, quickly turns into a wild child. He runs rampant through the parks and play areas, hurting other children in his wake. He doesn't mean to hurt, but he has no sense of control of his strength. As a result, other children run from him, leaving him lonely.
It is my natural tendency to focus on teaching gentleness and to restrain the physical energy. I want him to behave and be safe. The problem with my method is that it does not provide an outlet for that natural physical ability. Frustration builds, and eventually explodes. Worse yet, a once strong boy can become quite whiny and weak, learning helplessness.
I am impressed that my husband already knew all this, and naturally provides a balance for our boys. He lets them take risks. He praises them when they challenge their physical abilities. He gives them time and space to be physical. He also stands firm, without moving out of their way. He reminds them that he is the strongest male in our home, and he is in charge. He demonstrates and enforces the rules about how to interact with Mom and sisters. He enforces respect for others, for property, and for animals. He is teaching them to stay strong, but control their strength.
After finally coming to grips with this gender difference, in terms of the needs of boys and also our different parenting styles, I started observing interactions in public. I was highly amused at church recently, when Jersey #5 ran through the room in pursuit of a ball. Service was over and folks were mingling. As our son toddled along, women stepped to the side out of his way, and even moved chairs out of his way so he could continue straight through. (This seems normal to me). But, Jersey #5 was quickly halted in his tracks when he ran right into our Pastor's leg. Pastor was standing there talking, and did not budge from the impact. Jersey #5 put up his hands and started pushing against Pastor's leg, trying to force him out of the way. In a large room, with plenty of space around, the child actually insists on walking through the exact space occupied by one man's leg. Pastor stood firm and simply looked down, quite amused by the gall of such a youngster. (This seemed normal to my husband). In the end, the toddler yelled and pushed, and met his limit. His head was rubbed, he was acknowledged, but he was not in charge. He eventually gave up and went around the obstacle to get the soccer ball.
Our boys are learning to value their strength at the same time they are learning a sense of control. I am hoping that these lessons learned while they are young will serve them well in adolescence when their true strength emerges.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Boys will be Boys
I am not certain which of my guys is most impressive here....
I am often amused by the random and spontaneous activities that males find to demonstrate their strength.
I do not understand. I do not relate. But, I am entertained.
I do not understand. I do not relate. But, I am entertained.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Like a Rock
I have sat in church through the years and listened to many sermons tell about God as our Heavenly Father. Having been raised by a loving father, I enjoy this mental picture that tries to explain the love God has for us, his children. My husband, on the other hand, was raised in a broken home, abandoned by his father. Picturing God as anywhere near the image of his earthly father is not a good thing for him. He could not even begin to relate to those sermons, until he became a father himself. The Referee is a natural father. He loves his children, and it shows. He worries about not measuring up, having no example to follow. Thankfully, he has God, our Heavenly Father, to show him the way. As a result, he is giving his own children a loving father, so they will understand the love of God.
God is our strength. He wraps his arms around us and holds us near to him. We do not have to go through life alone. We do not have to endure on our own. He is always there to hold us, to comfort us, to encourage us.
The Referee is a rock during times of adversity. He has the ability to stop, listen, think, and respond calmly. He is steady when everyone else is quaking. The children & I can reach for him when we need to catch our balance. Right now, we are in the midst of Jersey #2 facing another heart surgery. She has had to go through a series of medical tests and procedures. She is a tough kid, and quite a trooper. But, this is a lot for a 6-year old to handle. She started to become sullen and tearful. So, The Referee pulled her aside to ask what was going on. Sitting at church, listening to her name being added to the prayer request list, seeing people look at her and smile, was too much. She said she was having a really hard time being strong for everyone...
The Referee scooped her up and reminded her that yes, she was a really strong girl. But, no, she is not required to be strong for everyone. It is hard to always be strong. He told her that he has strength enough for both of them, so if ever she does not want to be strong anymore, she can come to him and he will be strong enough for her too. In an instant, our happy-go-lucky 6-year old returned. She knows her Daddy is a rock.
Fast forward a few weeks later, when Jersey #2 put her arms up to him...that rock scooped her up, put his arms around her, held her close, and carried her out of the hospital after her MRI scan was complete. She rested peacefully in his arms, knowing he had strength enough for both of them.
She can lean on him for strength. One day she will be able to understand what it means to lean on her Heavenly Father, because she was able to lean on her earthly father.
God is our strength. He wraps his arms around us and holds us near to him. We do not have to go through life alone. We do not have to endure on our own. He is always there to hold us, to comfort us, to encourage us.
The Referee is a rock during times of adversity. He has the ability to stop, listen, think, and respond calmly. He is steady when everyone else is quaking. The children & I can reach for him when we need to catch our balance. Right now, we are in the midst of Jersey #2 facing another heart surgery. She has had to go through a series of medical tests and procedures. She is a tough kid, and quite a trooper. But, this is a lot for a 6-year old to handle. She started to become sullen and tearful. So, The Referee pulled her aside to ask what was going on. Sitting at church, listening to her name being added to the prayer request list, seeing people look at her and smile, was too much. She said she was having a really hard time being strong for everyone...
The Referee scooped her up and reminded her that yes, she was a really strong girl. But, no, she is not required to be strong for everyone. It is hard to always be strong. He told her that he has strength enough for both of them, so if ever she does not want to be strong anymore, she can come to him and he will be strong enough for her too. In an instant, our happy-go-lucky 6-year old returned. She knows her Daddy is a rock.
Fast forward a few weeks later, when Jersey #2 put her arms up to him...that rock scooped her up, put his arms around her, held her close, and carried her out of the hospital after her MRI scan was complete. She rested peacefully in his arms, knowing he had strength enough for both of them.
She can lean on him for strength. One day she will be able to understand what it means to lean on her Heavenly Father, because she was able to lean on her earthly father.
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