I received a little surprise in the mail on Friday. It was a letter reminding me that it is time to call the Children's Heart Clinic to schedule Jersey #2's next cardiology evaluation.
I stopped in my tracks. Took a deep breath. And thought, Really? Is it time to be thinking about this already?
I looked at the calendar on the kitchen wall as if I have been missing the passing of time. January is now over. I knew that she would have her next evaluation in late March or early April. I also know that the clinic is very busy, and likes to schedule in advance. Scheduling is only the first step. I also have to contact her pediatrician to get a referral sent over. Yes, indeed, it is time to be thinking about that if everything is going to flow properly.
I didn't want to think about it, so I left the notice on the counter and ignored it all weekend.
I'm not ready.
I know that this is the first step this year toward surgery. The instructions we were given by the cardiologist were to try to stay out of the hospital all winter (meaning stay healthy and away from the germs), and then visit her again in the Spring. It is that clinic visit that will get all the surgery preparation gears turning. The surgery date could be as early as 4-6 weeks following that clinic visit. Scheduling that clinic appointment is the first step.
I'm not ready.
That first step is a giant leap of faith for me.
I'm starting to panic. I'm continuing to pray. I'm ready to cry. I'm not ready. I'm scared.
A friend innocently asked at church yesterday if we had a surgery date. I immediately blurted out my confession about setting aside the reminder notice and putting it off due to my own insecurities. Pastor's sermon had been convicting my heart, so I was already a little hyped up on the subject.
There are two pieces of Pastor's sermon that won't leave my mind. The first is the concept of waiting on God's timing. I've always struggled with wanting to plan and be in control. This surgery time line has been a huge time of growth for me to wait. To let go, and let God handle it. The second part that struck me so intensely was his description of eagles. The image of a mother eagle nudging her baby bird out of the nest to teach it to fly, and then flying below it to guide it as it learns. I know God will hold me in the palm of his hands and guide me through this. But, first, I must obey by stepping out on faith.
I've been using my fearful energy to budget for the upcoming travel and treatment expenses. No matter how many times I go over the numbers, I just can't seem to get our savings account far enough ahead to cover it all. Somehow, I comforted myself with the idea that I won't have to worry about the surgery until the finances are in place. Once again, I see that I am still trying to do this in my own might.
Well, God has the funding worked out too. Our church blessed us with the offer to cover our airfare. They also plan to take up a love offering one month, to help with some of the other travel expenses. I am still in shock over this announcement. It is certainly an answer to prayer. God gave me a big nudge toward the edge of the nest last night, while I was working on our income tax return. It turns out that our refund is over twice what I was expecting (I am no CPA, that is for sure!) The amount will cover all of our projected out-of-pocket medical expenses for her care, that are not covered by our insurance! I am seeing firsthand that when we are faithful to God with our finances, He certainly supplies all our needs.
I am all out of excuses now. It is time to take a great leap of faith. It is time to step out of nest...out of my comfort zone...and plummet into the unknown.
It is time to call the clinic and schedule that cardiac evaluation. Everything is going according to God's plans. He knows what the future will bring. I know that his hands will be guiding me through it all.
But, I must take the first step. Step out on Faith...
I stopped in my tracks. Took a deep breath. And thought, Really? Is it time to be thinking about this already?
I looked at the calendar on the kitchen wall as if I have been missing the passing of time. January is now over. I knew that she would have her next evaluation in late March or early April. I also know that the clinic is very busy, and likes to schedule in advance. Scheduling is only the first step. I also have to contact her pediatrician to get a referral sent over. Yes, indeed, it is time to be thinking about that if everything is going to flow properly.
I didn't want to think about it, so I left the notice on the counter and ignored it all weekend.
I'm not ready.
I know that this is the first step this year toward surgery. The instructions we were given by the cardiologist were to try to stay out of the hospital all winter (meaning stay healthy and away from the germs), and then visit her again in the Spring. It is that clinic visit that will get all the surgery preparation gears turning. The surgery date could be as early as 4-6 weeks following that clinic visit. Scheduling that clinic appointment is the first step.
I'm not ready.
That first step is a giant leap of faith for me.
I'm starting to panic. I'm continuing to pray. I'm ready to cry. I'm not ready. I'm scared.
A friend innocently asked at church yesterday if we had a surgery date. I immediately blurted out my confession about setting aside the reminder notice and putting it off due to my own insecurities. Pastor's sermon had been convicting my heart, so I was already a little hyped up on the subject.
There are two pieces of Pastor's sermon that won't leave my mind. The first is the concept of waiting on God's timing. I've always struggled with wanting to plan and be in control. This surgery time line has been a huge time of growth for me to wait. To let go, and let God handle it. The second part that struck me so intensely was his description of eagles. The image of a mother eagle nudging her baby bird out of the nest to teach it to fly, and then flying below it to guide it as it learns. I know God will hold me in the palm of his hands and guide me through this. But, first, I must obey by stepping out on faith.
I've been using my fearful energy to budget for the upcoming travel and treatment expenses. No matter how many times I go over the numbers, I just can't seem to get our savings account far enough ahead to cover it all. Somehow, I comforted myself with the idea that I won't have to worry about the surgery until the finances are in place. Once again, I see that I am still trying to do this in my own might.
Well, God has the funding worked out too. Our church blessed us with the offer to cover our airfare. They also plan to take up a love offering one month, to help with some of the other travel expenses. I am still in shock over this announcement. It is certainly an answer to prayer. God gave me a big nudge toward the edge of the nest last night, while I was working on our income tax return. It turns out that our refund is over twice what I was expecting (I am no CPA, that is for sure!) The amount will cover all of our projected out-of-pocket medical expenses for her care, that are not covered by our insurance! I am seeing firsthand that when we are faithful to God with our finances, He certainly supplies all our needs.
I am all out of excuses now. It is time to take a great leap of faith. It is time to step out of nest...out of my comfort zone...and plummet into the unknown.
It is time to call the clinic and schedule that cardiac evaluation. Everything is going according to God's plans. He knows what the future will bring. I know that his hands will be guiding me through it all.
But, I must take the first step. Step out on Faith...
You can do this! We are here to support you and help you though this trying time. DOn't be afraid to lean on us and God. We will help you though this all.
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