Chat with Mom

While I was visiting with my parents, I was blessed to have the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk with my Mom.

Mom knows the pain of losing a child.  When I was 2 years old, my baby brother was born.  He only lived 4 days.  He contracted pneumonia, which took his life.

Mom was a great source of comfort when my daughter, Mackenzie, arrived stillborn.

She was a comfort, once again, when I needed time to talk about the death of my son, Titus.

We talked about the heartbreak.  The loss of hopes and dreams and plans.  The desire to have the baby in my arms again.  She understood.  

Then, she gently reminded me that if we really stop to think about it, in order to have our children back in our arms, we would be denying them the pleasures of heaven.

Of course, I don't want that to happen.  I realize that my desires are truly selfish.  I do not want to deny Titus the joys of heaven.  He is better off there.

Mom understood that it is hard to pray for God's will regarding our children, over our own desires.

I talked to her about how I was finally able to get to the point of praying that prayer, just a couple months before Jersey #2's most recent open-heart surgery.  For months, I fretted over the outcome of that surgery, and the potential to lose her too.  It was such a struggle to finally get to the point to be able to pray to God that I wanted His will for my daughter's life over my own desires to keep her with me.  

To be honest, the struggle was so difficult, that I was surprised that she survived open-heart surgery.  I thought that the effort it took to get me to that point of faith was SO huge, that clearly I was being prepared to lose her.

My Mom laughed at my dramatic explanation, and reminded me that God only required that Abraham be willing to sacrifice his own son, in obedience to God......He did not intend for Isaac to actually be killed. 

My Mom is so wise.