Christmas Corral

We recently had a blast at the Christmas Tree Corral fundraiser for Galloping Grace Youth Ranch. Even though we have always set up an artificial tree, we still went out to the corral to have some fun. We made sure to shop at their country store, to support their fund raising efforts.

In addition to beautiful Christmas trees, the Corral had many fun activities. We packed a lunch and spent hours trying out all of the cool toys...

Our artificial tree is ready to retire after this season. It can barely stand up, and certainly not straight. At first, I thought I would check out the after-Christmas sales and pick up a pre-lit one for next year. After visiting the Christmas Corral, I am convinced we should try out a live tree next year....and support GGYR at the same time. Plus, it will give us a good excuse to return for more fun.

Baby-Wearing

We are big fans of baby-wearing around here...

Although I appreciate his enthusiasm, I think his style might need some improvement.

And, even though baby-wearing is known to free up a parent's hands, I am pretty sure it is not recommended during battle.....or any other activity where a sword is required.

Basketball Season

Basketball season has begun.

The excitement is brewing around here. We even put a basketball hoop in the living room. The kids practice constantly. Jersey #5 will shoot baskets for hours....and he isn't even on a team.

The older 3 kids are playing this season.

Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 are on the same team, which is very convenient for me. Now that Jersey #3 is in kindergarten, he can sign up for Upward Sports too. He is on a separate team...and a separate age division, actually....than his sisters.

It turns out that Jersey #3 is actually quite good at basketball. He can swoosh the ball into the net most of the time. I asked him if he liked basketball. He answered,

"It's Ok. But, I miss football."

I find this piece of information to be perplexing, considering how he had such a hard time remembering which direction to run for a touchdown during the flag football season.

Jersey #2 is determined to make a basket this season. She did not make any baskets last season, and that bugged her. (She refuses to accept that maybe her weakened cardiac health was the problem). Much to her dismay, the 2nd-3rd graders play with a taller basket too. During practice this past week, she managed to get the ball up to the rim, so I am pretty confident she will meet her goal here soon.

I love Upward Sports, in general. But, I am extra-thrilled by the way that they give my children uniforms that match my blog. This season, my Jersey #1 is actually wearing Jersey #1...

The uniform colors are a bit of an eyesore. I've been told that the colors are chosen by which NBA team wins some event in the previous year....or some such formula. That system is fine with me. But, I am a bit shocked to learn that those blinding colors belong to a professional basketball team as well. Yowza!


Upon seeing the wild uniforms for the first time, I immediately thought of Jersey #2 who loves to dress in bright, mismatched colored clothes. This uniform is certainly her style. I thought I was being funny when I asked her how was she ever going to coordinate socks and hair ties with the orange and purple uniform.

Without hesitation, she answered, "blue and yellow."

Too Thin

In our fast-food, overweight society, it is easy to lose our understanding of what a healthy body looks like.

Thin is in.

Every week, there is a new report about what foods or lifestyle habits cause obesity.

Parents are cautioned by pediatricians about how to best feed a child to prevent obesity. The nutrition guidelines have changed many times over in just the nearly-9 years I have been feeding kids...

Start vegetables first, so they don't develop a preference for sweets....Switch to 2% milk when they are 2 years old....Limit juice....etc.

Growth charts are treated as a status symbol, instead of a tool to monitor growth trends.

I am all for healthy children. It is very important to serve them nutritional meals, and make sure they are getting plenty of playtime (exercise).

But, I am also concerned that parents are being misled as to what a healthy child really looks like. I ran into this trouble with Jersey #2.

When Jersey #2 started falling to lower curves on the growth chart, I mentioned my concern. Initially, I was told, she was entitled to a little leverage, and maybe she was in a growth spurt.

Next, I was told that our society is used to looking at overweight people, so we think healthy people look too thin.

When I argued that thin is one thing, but her rib bones were sticking out...
I was told that the "experts" were now looking at BMI instead of the height/weight growth charts of yesterday.

When I mentioned that in addition to her bones sticking out, she had been wearing the same clothing size for nearly 2 years already....
I was told that each child is different.

Seriously? I am a mother of 5 children. My children are blessed with the genes of being tall and slender. I can plainly see when one of my children are missing the mark of those healthy genes. Jersey #2 could have been a model for one of those "feed the starving children" commercials. She had bones sticking out all over the place.

What is the point of the growth chart curves, if my child can drop from the 50th percentile to the 12th percentile in 2 years, and still be assumed to be healthy?

How many thin children are falling through the cracks of the system like this, as we focus only on obesity?

There are "unhealthy" reasons for being thin...

...not receiving enough calories/nutrition, for example

...or....not being healthy enough to utilize the nutrition properly.


For Jersey #2, it was an underlying health issue that was causing her to be so thin. After all of those suggestions that she was probably normal, the doctor decided to chart her growth and her BMI to prove it to me.

Instead, she had to announce that Jersey #2 needed open-heart surgery. Her heart was working too hard, and her health was fading. She couldn't hold onto calories if she wanted to.

She was described as being at "the lowest point of acceptable."

The surgical team who evaluated her, made a point to comment that she was extremely thin, but well nourished.

Extremely thin? Lowest point of acceptable? Yet, I was initially deemed clueless about what healthy looks like?

I can't help but wonder if parents of thin children go through similar dismissals of their concerns.

Thankfully, I had my Mom to point out the details...

Healthy children have a little fat over their ribs and hip bones, even if they are naturally thin or petite. The skin is not suppose to sink deeply between the ribs. There is suppose to be the slightest cushion.

The skin is not suppose to sink around the eye sockets either. There are parts of the body that require a cushion of protection.

The tummy is suppose to round out slightly. (Toddlers have a rounder tummy due to immature abdominal muscles). The abdomen should not sink inward.

A hydrated child will have skin that bounces back. Gently press a thumb into the skin over the sternum (breastbone), and let go. If an indention remains, the child is dehydrated.


Children can be small, petite, and naturally thin. They can also be underweight to various degrees that are still considered healthy. But, if they are naturally so, they will still maintain certain cushions of fat layers over specific bones. A child should not look like a skeleton with skin stretched across it. Bones should not bulge through the skin.

And, it is not normal to drop down half the growth chart. Infants are given leverage to pick a curve over time. 5 and 6-year olds are not.

Just as it is dangerous to be extremely overweight, it is also dangerous to be extremely underweight. The brain and heart get all the calories first, so the rest of the organs do without, if there is a limited supply. This can lead to digestive issues and growth being reduced or halted.

The best advice I had ever heard about how to help Jersey #2 was to increase her milk intake. Milk helps settle the stomach, fill the stomach, and stretch it out a bit. This encourages eating. This method is used a lot in nursing homes, with elderly who tend to lose their appetites. It is a quick way to check if your child might just need more calories in order to grow.

When we encouraged Jersey #2 to drink as much milk as she wanted, we noticed immediately that she was perkier and less weak. She ate more readily. We later added Pediasure nutrient shakes to help her acquire more calories and vitamins.

In her case, the cure was a new heart valve that functioned properly. Her heart no longer had to work so hard, so her bones and muscles were able to receive some of the calories too.

Fixing the underlying health problem, put meat on her bones again.

I wonder how soon I will be told that she is jumping up the growth charts too fast! A Mom can dream...

Decorating Imperfections

Last night, we decorated our home for Christmas.

It was the most imperfect fun!

I have finally learned to let go of the control of family traditions. By sheer definition, I thought that traditions had to be the same every year. The tree has to go a certain way. The wreath goes in a certain spot. Specific music plays. There is an order and a method to decorating for Christmas. I tried to hard to make these family traditions perfect in the past, and only succeeded in making my family dread my traditions. My expectations were unrealistic. I was trying to create the storefront image. But, what I really wanted was the merry, jovial family.

Happy families do not live in a store front. Lifeless mannequins live there.

Over the past few years, I have been slowly letting go of my expectations. Initially, I was grumpy about it. Next, I threw up my hands and tried to not care. Then, I tried to fake it back into perfection. Finally, this year, I realized what mattered most was that we were having fun together as a family.

As the children squealed with delight, The Referee and I could not help but smile and laugh the whole time. I am pretty sure this was one of the most enjoyable Christmas decorating parties we have ever had.

Memories were made. Laughter was shared. Imperfections abound. Yet, it was all so perfect.

Earlier in the afternoon, I prepared a double batch of dinner, so that the kids and I could deliver meals to a couple elderly families from church. We tried to bless them with homemade cookies too. I am not sure how, but the cookies turned out way too dry.

I picked out the best looking ones for our friends. We started eating the rest. Dry and crumbly, but still very delicious. We dropped off the meals on the way to basketball practice.

I took all of the kids to basketball practice with me, even though only Jersey #1 and Jersey #2 were practicing. This gave The Referee a chance to set up the tree and string some lights while we were away. The kids don't have much patience for that tedious part of decorating. They prefer to start hanging ornaments immediately.

They wasted no time starting to hang ornaments as soon as they set foot inside the house. I am actually a bit surprised by how fast 5 kids can hang ornaments. Jersey #4 had 20 on the same branch.

The ornament box was half empty before The Referee could finish telling me that the tree is on its last leg this year....ready to collapse. The light strand that blinked different ways has also croaked. We were expecting that, as the matching blinking star croaked a couple years ago. It looks like I have a great excuse to shop the after-Christmas sales this year.

We forgot to add the garland before hanging all the ornaments. Jersey #2 had the solution--she decorated her self as a Christmas tree. For some reason, she loves to wear the stockings too.

The inflatable Tigger is suppose to be an outdoor decoration. The children love it so much that we continue to set it up inside the house.

After Jersey #3 found some reindeer ears and an elf hat, Jersey #4 went looking through the dress-up bin for a hat of her own. She was quickly distracted by the Veggie Tales Bob the Tomato hat. She wore that instead.

The box of candy canes barely touched a tree branch. We hung a few before the kids realized they were actually candy. They asked to eat them instead. Jersey #3 explained that candy is not a decoration....candy is for kids to eat. He had a point.

We wrapped up the evening by putting on PJs, brushing teeth, and curling up in the living room to watch the new Veggie Tales movie, "It's a Meaningful Life."

Merry Christmas!

*Yawn*

I have not dropped off the face of the Earth.

Somehow, I managed to get myself WAY over-scheduled.

Each day ran into the next. I was unclear where the boundaries were.

It was past midnight on Wednesday when I remembered I had forgotten to blog that day. Then, I remembered it was December 1st. Er, well, it was December 2nd, by the time I realized it was December already.

So, National Blog Post Month was complete. I managed to post every day for all 30 days of November. It was fun. Then, it ended quietly.

And, now I am behind on writing the details of this past week.

I jumped right into a "Spring Cleaning" household organizing project that helped me lose track of time. Was Wednesday December 1st an actual day this year? I missed it entirely.

The living room is painted. The house is organized. The kids' toys are purged and cleaned up, just in time for new items to arrive for Christmas. We have already started through our busy month of social activities that seem to fill up December. The laundry mountain has not been scaled.

Plus, there is that whole working a full-time job outside the home, thing.

Needless to say, I am tired. So, instead of catching up on blog posts to share stories and pictures of all of our recent fun.....

I am going to go take a nap before work tonight.

Give COAL for Christmas

I have discovered my absolute favorite fund raising gift this season: coal.

Check out The Adventure Project.

This project is providing household stoves to people in developing countries, focusing on Haiti right now.

Charcoal-efficient stoves reduce the smoke inhalation from preparing meals over traditional stoves and open fires. The website explains that acute respiratory infections are the number one cause of death in children under 5 years old, mostly due to breathing smoke while their mothers prepare meals.

This is a great way to help entire families, young and old.

The cause, alone, is worthwhile.

The coal theme is adorable.

According to the Santa Claus story, a person who is naughty during the year, receives coal in their stocking. Good kids receive gifts of toys and treats.

How fun is it to give our friends and family a lump of coal in their stocking this year!

The lump of coal comes in a beautiful gift box, with a note explaining the project.

A fun gag gift. A unique gift. And a great way to donate to a loving cause.

Painting Project

We tackled living room/dining room painting project this weekend. I really wanted to complete it before we start decorating for Christmas.

The Referee and the kids surprised me Saturday morning by completing the "prep" work first thing. They had all the furniture moved before I woke up. I was able to get a couple hours of effort in before going to work that day. Then, much to my surprise, the work load was light for 2 days in a row. I chose to come home early, after only working half-shifts, and work more on the living room instead. It looks so beautiful now. I am quite pleased. I still need to clean and organize the whole great room, before taking a picture of it all. But, for now, here is the progress:

Before:

After:

Sunday Best

This morning, we got all dress up for church. The younger 4 kids asked if they could wear their new Christmas outfits today. I don't have shoes for the outfits yet. But, I want them to enjoy them, so I agreed.

*Jersey #1 is attempting a phase of protesting wearing dresses right now. This completely amuses us because she has been our most girly girl ever. This is the same child who wore princess dress-up dresses, shoes, and wand to church and even to the grocery store when she was a preschooler.

This year, instead of coordinating outfits to match each other, I bought dresses that fit their unique style and personalities instead. We might be quite the eyesore in a group photo, but the girls are thrilled with their dress selections.

The boys are so excited about their outfits too. They were proud to show off their clip-on ties.

Jersey #3 was so excited about his tie, he asked his Daddy to wear a tie too, so they could "be the same." Such handsome boys...

Weather

On Wednesday, we enjoyed the beautiful Fall weather, complete with leaves falling from the big tree in the backyard.

The kids went outside and played in the leaves.

Much to my surprise, we woke up Thursday morning to a serene layer of snow across the backyard.

Snow is beautiful.

But, I am not ready for it.

I am not ready for winter at all. Actually, I am really not ready for Fall either.

I had big plans to re-paint our living room toward the end of the summer. We had remodeled the kitchen in July, and the living room was suppose to be next. I was even going to wash the big rug, hosing it down out on the back patio, to have it clean for winter.

With all those falling leaves, there is no way I can wash the rug on the patio. Snow inhibits that as well.

So, in an act of absolute desperation, I am going to attempt to rally my family together and help me clean up the living room/dining room area of our house and paint the walls.

This weekend.

Normally, I try to use the weekend after Thanksgiving to work on my Christmas cards and annual newsletter to friends and family. I like to send mine out early. Sometimes we even manage to put up the tree and decorations. The month of December is usually a whirlwind of activities.

This year has been the year for running behind, so it looks like my greetings will be late as well. I am going to try to hold off the Christmas decorating festivities long enough to paint the living room.

So, if you are anticipating a Christmas card and newsletter from me this year....

be sure to check your mailbox sometime in early January.

Black Friday Shopping

Yes. I will admit it.

I am one of the crazy shoppers who enjoy the thrill of power shopping all of the Black Friday sales.

I am on a team, actually. My sisters enjoy the same thrill. We spend time on the phone and email making sure we have a game plan for how to get the items we want. It helps that we live in 3 different cities, so our shopping options are more open.

A few years ago, I shopped all the sales, buying a ton of stuff I did not need.

When we shredded our credit cards and made the commitment to get out of debt and live debt free, my Black Friday shopping changed course.

Now, I save money for Christmas shopping. I make a list of gift recipients I will shop for this year. I plan out what gifts we want to purchase for the kids. Then, I scope out all of the Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals.

This year, I think I am feeling the greatest thrill of all. I have managed to purchase nearly all of my Christmas gifts at a discounted price. Majority of that shopping has been done online, with discounted prices and free shipping. I have been able to save tremendously from the comfort of my own home.

I still enjoy getting up early and joining the crowds at the stores. I like to be around people, so I find the crowds of wild shoppers to be fun. Yes, some folks are intense. Others shop as though it is an athletic event. Some are rude. But, most are hyped up on the thrill of a good deal.

This year, I worked Thanksgiving evening, until 1am Friday. Some stores were already open by midnight. Others were opening at 4 and 5 am. I decided there was no point in going to sleep. I would work, shop, then sleep the day away.

My sister called me at work to say that the camera deal I was wanting was available online. So, after work, I shopped at home from my computer. I covered most of my shopping list with amazing online deals.

The last thing on my list was fancy clothes. Jersey #1 wanted to go with me when I went shopping. So, I woke her up at 3:30am and introduced her to the wild fun of Black Friday shopping. She was shocked to see the long line of folks standing outside the store, before it opened. Since the clothes we were seeking are not a popular item, there was no reason for us to get in line. We waited those few minutes in the warm van instead. When the store doors opened, we enjoyed a laugh as we watched the line of shoppers start running into the store. Yes, running. That was amusing. I like a good deal, but it has never occurred to me to run for it!

We enjoyed the fancy dress section of the store all to ourselves. 60% off turns those $50 dresses into $20 dresses. Jersey #1 picked out her own fancy dress for Christmas this year. She helped me find great dresses for her sisters, and suit sets for her brothers. In addition to Christmas clothes, we shopped for fancy red dresses.

Jersey #2 was invited to participate in the Go Red For Women fundraiser for the American Heart Association in February. It is a fancier luncheon, where everyone wears red. By February, the Easter clothes will be out, and those tend to be pastels. So, I knew my best chance to get bright red fancy dresses was the Christmas season. It worked! We found some gorgeous red dresses for all 3 daughters, since the girls will be participating in the luncheon, while the boys enjoy time home with Daddy.

It was funny to go to the cash register, among a sea of shoppers carrying electronics and household goodies, carrying 8 child-sized fancy dress outfits. This year, my thrill of shopping the sales was enhanced by the fact that I bought only what we needed and budgeted for. I left all the excess "stuff" for the other shoppers.

Happy Thanksgiving

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

FROM THE HOME TEAM!

Going Up

I've posted a few times on all the overwhelming aspects of life that have struck us this year.

So, now, I think it is appropriate to point out the abundance of things that are currently going well for us. It appears that the tide has shifted. The blessings are outweighing the burdens. I'm coming up for air...

• Employment: The Referee's new job is a good one. Good company. Nice coworkers. More autonomy to set his own schedule and work flow. In addition, the company appears to be stable enough to keep him working, which is a great relief. If all goes well, his paychecks should show up direct deposit soon. Ah, stability.
• My new job has been a great blessing in that it helped us make ends meet while The Referee was between jobs. I had initially sought work as a means to pay off medical bills, followed by paying off all of our consumer debt as fast as possible. Instead, my paychecks have paid the mortgage and kept food on the table. Very important! Now that The Referee's job situation is stabilizing, I am looking forward to tackling that debt with each of my paydays.

• Health: Jersey #2 is fully recovered from heart surgery, healthy, and growing. Praise God! It looks like The Referee has found a great combination of antidepressants to stabilize his depression. Working on those constant negative thoughts is a tough job, but he is definitely strong enough to win that fight. His whole demeanor has improved. It is amazing how much better he "looks" as he begins to "feel" better. He's even been smiling again.

• School: The older 3 kids are doing well in their studies. Jersey #3 is reading simple, 3-letter words. The Referee is enrolled in a Master's Certificate Program, making excellent grades.
  

• Life Stuff: We have a working vehicle. We have a home. We have heat. Our plumbing works. We have plenty of food. We are surrounded by friends and family.
  

• Extras: We have been able to enjoy a few family outings. We have been able to sign the kids up for basketball this winter, and science classes for the Spring semester. I was approved to take a day off work, the night of The Referee's company Christmas party, which is at a steak house (instead of a hotel ballroom)....plus our babysitter is in town that night, which makes it an official DATE NIGHT!
  

Free

Jersey #2 is Free.

Free from heart medications. (She took her very last aspirin today).

Free from activity restrictions.

Free from complications due to her heart condition.

Free to grow.

Free to enjoy life.

Free to run and play.

Free to be a kid again.



She has come so far in just 6 months.



In May, she was here...


Now, she is here...

PRAISE GOD!

"Rump" roast

The kids helped me prepare a nice ham dinner today. My plan was to serve some for lunch, serve it for dinner, and use left-overs for packing sandwiches in our lunch for work this week. The preparation was fun. I enjoy cooking with the kids.

We sat down to a lovely lunch of chopped ham, baked beans, and corn. And milk, for those growing bones.

Jersey #1 brought up the conversation of which animal's meat we were eating. This sparked a huge discussion about which animals are used for our various meat products we eat.

Jersey #2 sent us all into a fit of laughter when she announced,

"This is the best meal ever....because I am eating a pig's butt!"

Never a dull moment...

Thankful

Pastor's sermon at church today was focused on being Thankful. It was such a treat to hear all the things that members of our church are most thankful for.

Going into the Thanksgiving holiday, followed by the biggest Christmas shopping day (Black Friday), I admit that my heart has not been focusing on being thankful. I have been focusing on being busy, and financially depleted. As we read through Psalm 100, I realized that this is one I need to memorize, to keep my attitude in check.

Just to drive the point home, we also sang "Count Your Blessings" as one of the service hymns. Yes, God, I am listening. Let my grumpy heart be changed, and a new attitude emerge.

Psalm 100

¹Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.

²Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

³Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

⁴Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

⁵For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.

Count Your Blessings

Words by Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856-1922
Music by Edwin O. Excell, 1851-1921

Verse 1

When upon life's billows You are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged Thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings Name them one by one,
And it will surprise you What the Lord hath done.

Chorus:

Count your blessings Name them one by one.
Count your blessings See what God hath done.
Count your blessings Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings See what God hath done.

Verse 2

Are you ever burdened With a load of care,
Does the cross seem heavy You are called to bear.
Count your many blessings Every doubt will fly,
And you will be singing As the days go by.

Verse 3

When you look at others With their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised You His wealth untold.
Count your many blessings Money cannot buy,
Your reward in heaven Nor your home on high.

Verse 4

So amid the conflict Whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged God is over all.
Count your many blessings Angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you To your journey's end

Piggy-Back

This is how Jersey #5 likes to sit at church....riding on The Referee's back.

Priorities

Life is busy.

The house is messy.

The stack of "important" paperwork is piling up.

I put it all aside and enjoyed a wonderful morning with my kids.

We had to get up early to take The Referee to work. We went to our homeschool co-op classes. Then, we bought lunch at the McDonald's drive-thru. Not a very typical day or meal situation, but we made the most of it and enjoyed many stories and laughs. It was a great "off" day, if I do say so myself.

A friend posted on Facebook about feeling overwhelmed. One of her friends posted a portion of a poem that caught my eye. So, I Google'd it. It really fit my day....and my priorities right now...

Song for a Fifth Child

By Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth

empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

hang out the washing and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't his eyes the most wonderful hue?

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up,

as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Hot Topics: Depression

Depression is one of those illnesses that are socially uncomfortable to discuss. It reminds me a lot of the reaction to grieving. Folks just don't know what to say, and usually are not very helpful with the odd comments they come up with. Much like grieving, I find the most comfort in folks who have walked in depression footsteps before. As the saying goes, "It takes one to know one."

Unfortunately, Depression has challenged our marriage many times over.

There are many classifications of Depression. It seems that the therapy world is working to identify even more classifications, in order to specialize treatment. Working with human beings and their combination of physical and behavioral details is rather difficult. That is one reason why Depression seems so tough to conquer. I do not have any expertise in Depression. I can only share from my experiences. This post is not medical advice, as I am not a health care provider.

I'm sure that most folks understand "the blues," having a down day, or feeling slightly melancholy. I handle such days by taking a day off or taking a break from my usually busy schedule. Those are the days when ordering pizza covers dinner. I skip chores, and spend more time participating in relaxing activities. Going to bed early helps restore my mood by the next morning.

Unfortunately, I have also experienced Depression that required medical treatment. Some things require more than a day off, or a longer night's sleep.

Post-partum Depression: just over a month after giving birth to our firstborn, I started showing signs and symptoms of Post-partum Depression. The boldest symptom I had was random, unprovoked crying outbursts. I would walk across the room and just start crying, for no reason at all. I also had trouble sleeping at night. My concerns were dismissed by friends and family, because I was also grieving. So, I was assured, that it was just part of grieving. Thankfully, our family doctor knew otherwise. He understood grieving. He said I had the classic symptoms of Post-partum Depression. Thankfully, it was quickly treated with a few months of taking an antidepressant, at night, that also had a sedative side-effect. Post-partum Depression is caused by those wild hormones, and improves when the body chemistry gets back into balance.

*The difference between the grieving symptoms and the Post-partum Depression symptoms was the "random" component to the crying. During grieving, I would cry when thinking about my daughter, my experience, and my heartache. With Post-partum Depression, my body was crying on its own, without sad thoughts provoking it.

Spiritual Depression: Unfortunately, Depression is often misunderstood in Christian circles. Some folks sincerely believe depression is a matter of a lack of Faith. Their advice is to pray, and spend more time with God. Christians are suppose to understand the amazing gift of salvation we have received, so we should only have joy everlasting, right?

Most forms of Depression are related to chemical imbalances in the body. It is not a matter of Faith. It is a matter of physical health. Of course, God can heal us from all such afflictions. But, we are also stewards of these bodies and need to take care of them.

That much being said, I have also experienced a Spiritual Depression. Medical interventions may help with certain symptoms, but do not fix the core of the problem. In my case, I dove into Depression when my second pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. I was beyond sad. I was done with grieving. I quit. I spent more time with God at that point in my life than ever before. I was in constant prayer......begging God to take me out of this world. I did not want to be a Mother who had no living children. It was way too painful for me. I thought I had served my time grieving a stillborn daughter. I could not stand to endure the grief of losing my second child to miscarriage. I lived in a very dark place, deep within me. I stayed in bed most of the time. I finally called the doctor for help, with the gentle encouraging of The Referee.

My doctor understood my need to hold a living, breathing baby in my arms. He got me. He treated me with an antidepressant that was safe enough for pregnancy. He advised me to take the med, go through the motions of my life, and not worry a bit about the med when I get pregnant again. Throughout my entire pregnancy with Jersey #1, the doctor assured me that I would be just fine as soon as that baby was in my arms. The antidepressant helped me endure the details of my life, like going to work and shopping for groceries. It helped with some of my physical symptoms. It did not restore joy. I stopped taking the antidpressant the week Jersey #1 was due. It was not safe to take for breastfeeding, so I stopped it when that bottle ran out. I knew if I needed it after her birth, the doctor could prescribe something that was safe for breastfeeding.

God restored my joy. God answered my plees to be taken Home. He said NO. Not yet. I had a greater purpose, and I needed to trust Him. So, I grudgingly went through my life, expecting to be in chronic grief. I did not instantly recover when Jersey #1 was placed in my arms. I was in shock. I did not believe she was alive. I just knew that she would be taken from me at any moment. I took her home, and took care of her every need, and braced myself for the moment I would lose her too.

I still remember the exact day that I won that spiritual battle. Jersey #1 was 4 weeks old. The Referee was at work, and I was still home on maternity leave. I looked over at that precious baby girl, napping peacefully on the bed next to me. I was hit, like a ton of bricks, with the realization that Motherhood was a calling, a RESPONSIBILITY. Not only was I given this blessing, but I was expected to follow God's instructions to train her up in the way she should go....to teach her about God and his love for us. My life was instantly changed. My heart was instantly changed. My attitude was instantly improved.

In that instant, my heart was full. Full of love. Full of purpose. Full of joy.

Thankfully, I have not suffered with Depression since.

Unfortunately, I still suffer from Depression...

The Referee battles Depression. His symptoms seemed so very different from my experiences, that we missed it for years. Sadly, the last 3 years of our life together have been most awful. We could not figure out why none of the marriage resources we sought, were helping our relationship. The Referee was suffering with undiagnosed depression, and we just did not recognize it. A year ago, when I was certain that all hope was lost for our marriage, a friend gently asked if my husband had ever been evaluated for a "chemical imbalance." She gently commented that the symptoms of depression were different in men and women. She explained that a missionary who had visited our church that summer taught her the difference, when he shared about his own battle with depression. I made the suggestion to The Referee in passing, as I was taking the baby to change his diaper. Minutes later, The Referee told me that he took the suggestion and went online to research it more. He took a quiz about depression on one of the medical websites, and after 4 questions it flashed a screen saying he should seek medical attention immediately. Yikes.

That evening, we called our Pastor & his wife over to meet with us. They explained all they understood about depression, and more about the advice of the missionary who visited. They armed us with prayers, support, and resources. For the first time in many years, we actually felt a sense of relief about the strains in our marriage. We had turned over every stone between us, so it made sense that our problem was actually outside us. It is crazy how comforting that piece of information can be.

Unfortunately, The Referee's depression battle is H.U.G.E. Thankfully, he is determined to conquer it. He desires to be healthy, and to have a healthy family. So, he is doing all he can to win. He has an incredible support network on his side. Our family physician is managing the antidepressant medications. A Christian counselor/life coach is providing therapy, literature resources, and guidance. Our Pastor & his wife are practically holding our hands each step of the way. Friends, family, and our church family continue to offer prayers and support as well. The path is uphill, but it is certainly easier to hike in a group, than alone.

The Referee suffers with Double Depression. (I tease him that he is such an over-achiever that one type of depression is just not enough for him).

Dysthymia is chronic depression. The symptoms are less severe, but linger longer. Folks can usually function adequately, but they always seem unhappy. The counselor suggested that The Referee has probably been suffering with dysthymia since adolescence. It certainly explains a lot. Dysthymia is thought to be caused by chemical changes in the brain involving serotonin, a neurotransmitter that aids in coping with emotions. Antidepressant medication in the SSRI category (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) have helped tremendously. The Referee shocked me one day, after taking the meds, when he announced that he didn't think he was actually a pessimist! That was life changing, for sure.

Major Depression (Clinical Depression): The Dysthymia was identified after The Referee sought treatment for his Major Depression. Unfortunately, Dysthymia complicates Clinical Depression, because when life resumes to "normal," that "normal" is still low. Men express depression differently than women. Some of the Depression symptoms that The Referee has expressed are fatigue, low mood state, grumpy/unhappy, withdrawal and isolation, angry outbursts, and insomnia. I now see clearly that when he starts to have insomnia....staying up all night, or gets very little sleep for multiple nights in a row, he is on a downhill turn in his depression. The withdrawal and angry outbursts have been most damaging to our marriage. The behavior itself is bad enough, but the fact that it is so random, irrational, and out-of-character, has been most damaging. Being married to a man who appears randomly angry and periodically acts like he doesn't really care, is quite tough on a sensitive gal like me. I started to question which of his changing views about me were actually the truth. Now that my eyes are open to his Depression illness, I am able to see that things really aren't has personal as they once appeared. Now that The Referee realizes that those symptoms are related to his Depression, he is much more careful to turn to Depression help, instead of taking his emotions out on me.

We have noticed that The Referee appears to have episodes of Major Depression due to job stress. Job lay-offs, and the instability of some of the funding of his jobs has been a major source of stress for him for years. Some situations cannot be prevented. But, now that we realize how important it is for him to identify himself with his career, The Referee is being much wiser in his career path and employer selections. I am pleased to report that it looks like he chose a good company recently, resulting in his work situation starting to stabilize. I predict that as he settles into a stable job, his stress will begin to decrease, hopefully helping his depression become more manageable.

Managing Double Depression requires a lifestyle change. The Referee has to set strict boundaries for himself for a sleep routine, and making sure he is eating regularly. Daily exercise is very helpful. He makes himself go through the motions of things he knows is important in his life, even if he doesn't feel like it. He gets up and showers, goes to work, goes to church, teaches Tae Kwon Do class, and participates in family activities, whether he wants to or not. Emotions can be deceiving. So, he is learning that moving forward through the tasks that are previously deemed important, helps him stay afloat. He is also learning to give himself regular breaks to withdrawal. Right now, he gets an evening off, when I take the kids to AWANA, where he has no responsibilities for a few hours.

Finding the right balance of medications and therapy is a great challenge when battling depression. There are many classes of meds. There are many types of therapy. There are tons of books and websites filled with information. It can be overwhelming. But, finding something to help with the battle is SO much better than doing nothing at all. In addition to finding a medical provider and counselor you trust, finding a friend who has walked through the valley of depression can make a world of difference in the support you need to win the battle.

For the sake of yourself and your loved ones, I beg you to seek help if you suffer with Depression. Ignore the comments from people who know nothing about the illness. Find support from folks who do know. There is hope. Life really is better outside of the pit of despair.

Duh!

We have had some pretty complicated conversations with Jersey #4 lately...


As we are walking across a store parking lot, holding hands...

Me: "I noticed you have been really quiet today, Jersey #4. Why is that?"



Jersey #4: "Because I don't have anything to say."


Well, that was a short conversation. We sure have that Mommy-daughter bonding thing down.


Jersey #4 walks through the living room stark naked, carrying her clothes toward the hamper in the kitchen. She was suppose to be getting dressed in her PJs for bedtime.

The Referee: "Jersey #4, why are you naked?"



Jersey #4: "Because I took my clothes off."

Well, Duh!