Rest

I am in the midst of a personal Bible study about rest. It has come to my attention that I am in strict violation of the fourth of the 10 commandments. In Exodus 20:8 God gives His people clear instructions to Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Verse 9 goes further to explain that work is to be done for 6 days. Verse 10 declares But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work. Verse 11 explains how God set the example Himself, by creating the heaven and the earth, and all that is in it, in 6 days. He rested on the 7^th day. He blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

I am well aware that even the most sincere Christians disagree about which day of the week is the day that we are suppose to rest. Some argue it is Saturday. Some argue for Sunday. This particular disagreement is present even in my church family.

I have watched folks get so caught up in this debate that they start to lose sight of other aspects of their faith. They become very involved in their religious rituals. When they reach the point of judgment of others, they tend to leave the church all wrapped up in their self-righteousness, completely ignoring the fact that they just broke a covenant relationship with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Those are not the Christian folks I look to for guidance.

I am completely blessed by the members of my church family who are able to present the depth of their sabbath study in a loving and respectful manner. They discuss thoroughly and disagree adamantly, and are still friends when the day is over. Little do they know, it is not just the details of their beliefs on the topic that catch my attention, but it is also the way that they live out their beliefs. It is one thing to speak your faith. It is another to live it.

I have friends who participate in traditional Jewish observances of the Sabbath, sundown Friday night through sundown Saturday night. I have friends who set aside Sunday and focus on prayer, worship, napping, and relaxing time with their family. Romans 14:5 shows me that it is a matter of conviction, One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. We are warned in verse 13 to not judge one another about it.

My current conviction is not about Saturday vs Sunday sabbath. Sabbath means rest. I do not rest. Not on Saturday. Not on Sunday. Not at all. I am violating the sabbath, no matter what day I pick.

I drop into bed exhausted every night. If I take a nap it is because I am so physically and/or emotionally exhausted that I am starting to get ill, or I can barely function anymore. When I wake up, I hit the ground running, trying to complete chores much faster since I “wasted” so much time sleeping. I stopped vegging out in front of the television over 2 years ago. I couldn’t even tell you what programs are on TV anymore. Even reading a book has reduced to a study about something specific. Instead of spending the time on the phone with friends and family, I send a quick email or make a comment on Facebook. If I sit and watch a movie, it is usually because I am holding and comforting a sick, clingy child, or I am forcing myself to spend time with my husband, who likes to watch movies. Most of the time I am also writing a to-do list or a grocery list. I haven’t even taken the time to enjoy scrapbooking in well over a year now.

My husband has tried to get me to understand a need for rest. He does not like to join me in household projects, because he says the project is never complete. I am always adding to the list, trying to fit in much more than is humanly possible for one day. My lists are never done. There is no end to the work, in order to begin to rest.

God has my attention now! I am seeing the error in my ways. He used the same method that convicted me to leave my career and be home to raise my children. Jersey #2’s medical condition turned my heart towards home, because she needed my care. Her recent decline in energy made me realize her need for more rest. As I have carefully reduced our schedule and commitments, I am seeing the benefits of rest across our entire family. Now, I realize that rest is a much bigger issue than I ever considered. It’s one of the 10 commandments, for crying out loud!

The Laws of the Old Testament are filled with wisdom for healthy living. Even secular self-help books reference the need for rest, in order to renew our strength, rejuvenate, and refresh, (they just don’t credit God for the idea). Our bodies heal and mend when we rest. Biblical wisdom stands the test of time.

Clearly, it is time for me to remember the sabbath and keep it holy.

Food & Finances Friday--Work

There seems to be two logical methods to eliminating debt---reduce spending and/or increase income. We have been working on both. We have been cutting our expenses left and right, getting our family budget down to the bare-bones necessities for living. We are learning a lot about wants versus needs. It has been highly educational in that sense.

Plus, we are also taking on side jobs and odd jobs as income opportunities arise. My husband has a great job that is steady, stable, and provides both income and insurance benefits. We are blessed. Unfortunately, there is no opportunity for overtime pay right now. So, we have been keeping our eyes open for other income sources.

I took on a babysitting job, 3 days a week, caring for the daughter of a friend, so that she could return to work. I'm actually enjoying having an additional kid in the house, which raises my hopes even more that adoption could someday be in our future. (Adoption is one of my life's dreams).

My husband signed up for the basketball incentive program, agreeing to referee 8 basketball games in order to receive half of the registration fee in return. Since we have two daughters playing basketball, if he referees 16 games, he will get reimbursed the cost of one entire registration fee. He is already over half-way there. He spends 2-3 hours running up and down a basketball court on Saturday mornings, but he jokes that it doubles as a cardio workout routine as well.

I was called to jury duty, which pays minimum wage any time I have to show up.

My husband agreed to be a taxi/shuttle driver for a friend's business. He picks up people from the airport and drives them to various tourist locations in nearby towns. For the most part, he shuttles on weekends, but there are a few late-night week day runs. He earns a commission, plus tips. He jokes that tips are better for this job than when he delivered pizza as a job in college.....saying that folks tip better when you are delivering them!

When we first shredded the credit cards and made the commitment to live debt-free, 6 months ago, we planned to seek such additional income as a means for paying off debt faster. It has been a huge reality check for us to have to use this "extra" income to pay for all of the "extra" medical and dental bills. It is real easy for us to see how we've acquired such a debt load in the first place. We had been budgeting very little towards medical, and putting all such expenses on the credit card. That is a recipe for debt accumulation for sure!

Now that our eyes are open to our medical expense reality, we've restructured the budget to cover those costs. It took a few months to get it all figured out, so all of our "extra" income went to those expenses until the budget caught up to the need. This month, things look like they have stabilized. We have not been adding any new debt, so the principal has been going down (even if it is much slower than we had hoped). It looks like the budget guidelines are anticipating the necessary amount of health-related expenses now, and those numbers are working so far.

So, I am really, really hoping that the kinks are worked out and our "extra" incomes can start tackling the debt at a snowball rate, versus the current snowflake rate!

"Grand" Jury Duty

My juror number came up again, so I had to report to the courthouse first thing Wednesday morning. I had such a pleasant experience this time. It is a relief to see that my number should only come up once every 3 weeks or so. It was a good day to report, as my husband was able to shift his work schedule to be able to be home with the kids all day. I packed myself a sandwich for lunch and a book. I've been to the courthouse enough now that I've learned my way around a little. I had no problem finding the correct parking lot this time. I went through security like a pro.

I arrived in the juror room with plenty of time to spare. It was hurry up and wait at that point. We were waiting to see how many folks showed up to the regular panels. We were waiting to see how many alternates showed up liked they were called to do. We were waiting for the court schedule for the day, so we could make sure we did not know anyone who would be a target or a witness. Traffic jams and computer issues yielded a bit of a delay.

When all of the pieces were finally in place, the juror coordinator announced that she needed 4 alternates to join the regular panels. I volunteered this time. I checked the schedule and confirmed that I knew no one on the list. I was escorted into the grand jury room. The jury coordinator introduced the alternates to the regular panel. Everyone was real friendly. This panel of jurors has been working together all month. They knew each other on a friendly basis and they knew the routine. They filled us in real quick and things got started.

Grand jury listens to the DA (District Attorney) announce the case and all the charges they are bringing forward for that case. Then, they bring in the police officer who handled the case, and any pertinent witnesses, so that they can give their statement of what happened. The jurors are allowed to ask questions of the DA, of the officers, and of the witnesses, to make sure we fully understand the data they are using to justify the desired charges.

It is the grand jury's job to determine if there is enough probable cause for the charges. We do not have to decide guilt or innocence. Therefor, we do not hear all of the evidence of each case. Grand jury is an early step in the judicial process, well before a case sees a trial jury.

The morning was filled with case after case, with very little rest in between. After the case is presented and the witness is heard, the grand jury meets in secret. The DA, the witness, and the court reporter all leave the room. They are very strict to mention when conversation is on the record and when it is off the record. The grand jury discusses the information and its relevance to the proposed charges. The foreman reads each charge individually, and we vote on each and every one. Most of the cases were well defined and very clear. The DA and court reporter is called back into the room, and we return the indictment. That DA leaves, and a new DA arrives with the next case.

I enjoyed learning about this judicial process for the most part. I could handle the drug cases just fine. But, the child abuse cases churned my stomach. Thankfully, none of the day's charges were horrifying, or else I might have puked. I grew pale and ill as it was. I cannot handle harm to children. I know for certain, that I could not be a juror in a child abuse trial....there is just no way for me to be unbiased when vomiting. I was real impressed with the officer who was on the child victims unit. It is good to know we've got such heroes protecting children.

I'm sure this is no statistical surprise, but I was rather amazed by how many times drugs and alcohol are involved when crimes are committed. I am also a bit stunned to hear that people will attempt to swallow street drugs before they can be caught with them. That seems hazardous to the digestive system, especially if the drugs are being stored in a plastic bag. Apparently I do not get out enough, because one officer had to stifle a laugh when he saw my jaw drop as I was listening to his witness account! It seems to me that it would be so simple to test the substance swallowed for proof positive of what it is, yet that is not done very often because it requires a warrant. A swab of the mouth requires a warrant......and the rest of us pay good money to get the doctor to swab our throats to prove we are sick!

I understand that these rules and regulations are in place to make certain that innocent people are not wrongly punished. It is just seems that the judicial system is a bit more inefficient than necessary, and some unknowns could easily be answered.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that we were being dismissed at lunch time for the rest of the day. The panel I was working with had a late day the day before, so they were given the shorter schedule this time.

So, I reported for jury duty, worked a half-day, and received full credit for my participation. It was a "grand" jury day indeed!

Toddlers

So where do YOU like to eat your carrots?

Contrary to what these photos may imply, we do not normally eat our snacks sitting in a laundry basket, in the master bedroom. (Actually, we have a house rule that there is no eating in the bedrooms at all).

Toddlers crack me up. I don't know where they come up with such ideas. I don't think I have ever looked at a laundry basket and thought, "Now that looks like a good place to eat!"

Turn Up The Heat

Our furnace has been acting funny. It has been running and running all night long (something that I actually like, because the sound of moving air helps the kids sleep better). Unfortunately, the temperature of the house has not reflected the amount the furnace has been running.

Over the weekend, we woke up to a cold house, registering 64 degrees, with the furnace continually running. Monday morning it was 61 degrees. The furnace is only 2-3 years old.

My heating solution was to boil a pot of water on the stove, with orange slices and cinnamon in the water to bring about a good smell and moisture in the air. Moisture helps stabilize temperature. Then, I started up the laundry. Running the washer and dryer adds warmth to the house. I put a chicken in the crock pot. I opened up the window shades to let the sunshine in.

A couple hours later, the temperature in the house had only reached 63 degrees, and the furnace was still running non-stop. Our son was wearing his coat. I put a roast in the oven to cook all day. Running the oven all day helps warm up the house. The house certainly smelled good.

My husband came home on his lunch break (after receiving an email from his VERY irritated wife about the state of cold in our house). He chose to ignore the problem while he was home on Sunday. Actually, he has ignored the growing problem for nearly a month now. He finally wised up to the fact that I was completely out of patience and understanding.

He took 15 minutes to run to the hardware store, and 2 minutes to replace the furnace filter. Hot air gushed out of the vents immediately.

It has certainly taken me longer than those 17 minutes to forgive him. He knew about the problem. He knew the most logical solution. He just didn't bother to take care of it.

Now that I am aware of the solution, I think I am going to stock up on furnace filters. The next time the filter needs to be replaced, I will I hang one in his closet, and serve him one for dinner, and see if that inspires him to take care of the problem much sooner!

Cheer!

Two--Four--Six--Eight....

I have been amusing myself with the way that the ages of my kids sound like the beginning of a cheer. This will only last a couple months, before those numbers change some more.

Here we go.....



TWO...

FOUR...

SIX...

EIGHT...

....and ONE....

Oops! Those numbers don't exactly work out for a cheer. I wasn't ever a cheerleader anyway. I am still amused.

Two, Four, Six, Eight......and One!

Triggers of Grief

Yesterday was a challenging day because it was filled with some emotions of grief.

Psychologists have defined an entire grief cycle that people go through. They say everyone goes through the cycle, only at different paces. Some folks go round and round many times. Some gets stuck in one category or another, for a while. It is all very interesting in a cerebral sense.

From an emotional perspective, I have found that my Mom's advice holds the truest for me. Early on after the death of my daughter, Mom mentioned that the intense, pain of the grief will lessen over time so that is does not feel as overwhelming. But, she cautioned, there will be triggers throughout life that will take me right back to the moment as if it just happened. Those triggers often arrive out of the blue, and the depth of the emotion often makes me gasp.

My morning started with a funeral. An elderly member of our church passed away this week. She left behind the sweetest, most committed husband I have ever seen. Our family wanted to show our love and support to him, so my husband took the morning off work, and our entire family attended the funeral. I spent the day before attempting to prepare the children for what to expect. They have been to 1 other funeral, over a year ago, but they hardly remembered the details. We talked about the service and how they had to be even quieter than they are in church. We talked about how it is Ok to cry when you see someone else cry (Jersey #1 is very sensitive to that, just like her Mom). We talked about comforting others who are grieving. I was not as prepared for Jersey #3's large interest in the casket, and if the person was actually in there. I did give him the opportunity to go up close and see. We talked briefly about the purpose of the casket, and why the woman was wearing her jewelry. I am amused by the details that children question. I moved the kids onward toward the family, and emphasized our role to offer comfort.

I was just amazed by how well the kids conducted themselves. My husband complimented me on the way I managed them. He feels stressed in such tense social situations. We chatted about my decision to include the children when our family attends funerals of friends. Some folks argue that it is not appropriate and might scare the children. I think those concerns are valid objections. I take the approach that death is a natural part of life, and as a mother, I want to prepare my children for all the aspects of life that I possibly can. I am hoping that I can help my children see how to express grief and sadness, and how to comfort those who mourn. So, I include them when the funeral is for a friend of the family.

I was not suprised when their questions afterwards turned toward our experiences with the loss of our daughter, Mackenzie. The children asked if we had a funeral and if she was in a casket. I gave them a brief explanation about how we did not fully understand the purpose of a funeral at the time of her death, so we did not have one. I also explained that I had not considered our town to be "home" at the time, so we did not bury her. I still have her ashes in my possession. I then explained to them that I would want to have a funeral if we had to face the death of a family member in the future. I shared with them that throughout life we are going to all have a loved one die. Some deaths are sudden and some are expected, but everyone dies eventually. The celebration of death is that we get to go to heaven and see Jesus, and live a perfect life in eternity! I reminded them of ways we can comfort others who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, such as attending the funeral, sending flowers, making cards, giving hugs, and taking over a meal. I informed them that the days eventually get easier to manage and it is important to remember that life is for the living. It is best to live life to the fullest, instead of dwelling on a loss. We ended the topic with the excitement of going out to lunch as a family, in celebration of Jersey #1's birthday.

Whew! That went well. I reflected over the morning, pleased that I had grown through the grief to the point of being able to teach the children. I've come a long way. Plus, lunch was fantastic!

But, later that afternoon, I was stunned to experience two emails that sent me to separate ends of my emotions. The first was an email inviting me to a baby shower of a friend. That seemed simple enough....Until I saw on the invitation that the couple is naming their daughter, McKenzie.

Whoa! That one caused my heart to skip a beat. I calmed myself and realized my reaction was entirely emotional and out of order. Their choice had nothing to do with me. It is a pretty name. I have also come across other girls named Mackenzie, and hearing their name does not halt my tracks anymore. I am not sure why reading that email had such an effect. Maybe it was because I was already so hyped up on death for the day. I chalked it off as a trigger and moved on.

The second email sent me into a joyous excitement. A friend announced that she is expecting again. This friend has 3 living children, but has buried 2 infants. (Her son's funeral was the one our family attended over a year ago). I am praying that she finds joy in life again, with the life of this little one growing inside her womb. I remember how my own grief was eased with the live birth of Jersey #1. I also remember the debilitating fear through that pregnancy. Her email certainly triggered a lot of memories of my own life experiences.

I took the time to send a reply email offering my congratulations and supporting her concerns. I let her know I would be praying for her. Comfort and support are such crucial gifts as we endure the hardships in life.

I am thinking that focusing on offering comfort to another, helps move me out of those grief-trigger halts that pop up out of the blue. It is not healthy to stop in my tracks and focus on past pains. I keep moving forward because life is for the living.

Food & Finances Friday--Doll Cake

I made my very first doll cake for Jersey #1's birthday. I am not sure what has taken me so long to try this. It was really easy, and a lot of fun. Years ago, I purchased a Pampered Chef batter bowl. I remember the sales rep mentioning that it was the perfect size for a doll cake, and the cake could bake right in the bowl. I finally tried it out this week.

It was very simple to mix up a boxed cake mix right into the batter bowl. The bowl went into the oven and the cake baked just fine. I had a little trouble with the cake sticking to the very bottom of the bowl, but that did not hinder the shape at all.

I used a doll right out my girls' room. I washed its body and wrapped the legs in plastic wrap. I added red dye to a can of vanilla frosting to frost the cake to look like a pink dress. I used frosting on the doll to create a bodice, instead of fussing with a clothing top. I am so pleased with the way it turned out.

I learned a few lessons the hard way. A single cake mix is not enough for a Barbie doll or a Princess doll. Those dolls are much taller, so 2 cake mixes would be required to make a bigger cake. Frosting shapes better when it is cool, and gets melty when it is warm. Setting the cake down into a layer of frosting might have put an end to the big gap between the cake and the aluminum foil surface.

I remember having a doll cake once when I was a kid. I think they are so cute. It is exciting to be able to make one for my daughter too. She loved it.

8 years old

Jersey #1 is 8 years old today! It just does not seem possible. She is growing up entirely too fast.

She is at a great age. She has been a fairly easy child to raise. She was an easy baby. She loved to eat, play, and cuddle. Since she was born skinny and in January, I am guessing she liked to be held partially just to keep warm. She was very alert in infancy, and remains so today. She is a detail person, and nothing gets past her. Her "terrible 2's" were a breeze. It was her 3's that startled me the most. My sweet toddler turned into an argumentative, sassy child in the weeks before turning 3. I remember asking, "why didn't anyone tell me about the 3s???" Looking back across the years, I see a pattern where she is more difficult every 3rd year, because age 3 was challenging, and so was age 6. (Maybe that will mean I get a break with her until age 9!)

Jersey #1 became a social butterfly at age 4, and that continues to this day. She enters a room and gravitates right toward the middle, or towards the largest group of girls. I loved her kindergarten year. I say kindergartners are my reward for all the work of the toddler and preschool training years! At age 5, Jersey #1 demonstrated helpfulness in addition to her independence. She learned to read, and opened the door to a wonderful hobby. The challenges of age 6 revolved around peer influence. Her interests, styles, and mannerisms changed based on the behavior of her friends. That was tough for me to swallow for a while. I had to learn when to limit friend interaction, and when to give her a little more space to develop her character. I also had to put a stop to some sassiness that resurfaced. Jersey #1 as a 7-year old was much like having a mother's helper all the time. She embraced her role as the oldest sibling. She calls herself, "Super Big Sister" and she takes the job seriously. She has been quick to recognize communication from her younger siblings, and quick to assist them. As a result, she basks in their smiles and seeing their faces light up when she enters the room. As she heads into age 8, I've noticed an increasing awareness and acceptance of her individuality. I pray she continues to develop that confidence in herself, so that she is not so strongly influenced by her peers.

Jersey #1 is a beautiful girl, both inside and out. She has the lightest blue eyes, and the friendliest smile. It is a blessing to be the mother of such a delightful daughter.

American Girl

Let me take a moment to say thank you to the creators of American Girl dolls. I did not grow up with them, so I am just now learning all about them. I am rather pleased so far. It is so nice to see my almost-8-year-old daughter playing with dolls, especially dolls dressed in historical apparel, and reading the books that go along with them. Dolls and books. I really like dolls and books for her age.

I will admit that I really struggle as she grows. I winced the first time I had to look at little girls clothing, instead of toddler clothing. Why are the styles so sexy so soon? Ugh.

I really enjoy the days of Elmo, Veggie Tales, Dora, and Princesses. Even though we do not have cable television with the Disney pre-teen dramas, our daughter still caught interest in Hannah Montana and rock stars. While we were walking through a store recently, my daughter pointed to a poster on display near the clothing section and said, "Look, Mom, that's Miley Cyrus." My first response was, "She really needs to put on more clothes."

So, trust me when I say that Jersey #1's recent interest in American Girl brings a sigh of relief! For Christmas, my parents bought her a doll. She chose Felicity, a doll from the colonial era. Felicity has a passion for horses, much like my daughter. There is a series of books with Felicity as the main character. There is a line of clothing where the child and the doll can wear matching outfits. This is another element of excitement for my daughter who places such importants on apparel. Dolls, books, horses, and clothes are a welcomed interest, especially compared to the alternatives available.

So far, I see only two things about American Girl that are negatives in my eyes. First, the dolls and their huge collection of accessories are very expensive. Second, American Girl is not even made in the USA!

Still, American Girl is a refreshing change from poorly dressed rock stars!

From boys to men

Raising boys is so very different than raising girls. I did not start out attempting to raise my children to be gender-neutral. I took no issue with pink, purple, blue, or brown. I like baby dolls and I like soccer balls. Thinking that I already understood that boys and girls were different, I was quite surprised to learn just how BIG that difference is.

The plus side to my gender education yielded a better understanding of my husband. Before having a son, I was certain that my husband had to be from an alien race, as his ways were SO different than mine. (Of course, I saw myself as normal, and he was abnormal in all instances).

The sad part of my gender education was that I was convinced that there had to be something wrong with my son. When I took him to see the pediatrician for his well-child check-up at 2 months old, I said, "He is broken. You need to fix him." He was so different than his sisters. There have been many times that I have asked, "What is wrong with him?" My husband always answers, "He is a boy."

I understand girls. My husband understands boys. It is a good thing we are parenting together.

Since I thought I truly appreciated the differences in girls and boys, I was rather offended the first time I heard the saying, "Moms raise boys. Dads raise men." I have a lot to learn.

One of the biggest differences in boys is the level of their physical strength. It is important for Fathers to help their sons learn the limits of their strength, and how to control it. I did not realize that these lessons begin with toddlers. When our sons, as toddlers, would make their way through the house, they were accustomed to pushing everything out of their way. Furniture, pets, and even siblings moved aside as they barrel past. When they try to push past my legs, I tend to step back, give them more space, and see what they need. My husband does not budge when a child pushes against him. It is not his nature to step back to see what they need. It is his nature to look down and ask what are they doing? They push harder and scream. In the past, I would ask why my husband didn't just move out of the way, and avoid the ruckus.

He had an answer. Boys need to learn that there is a limit to their strength. It is the job of men to display that limit. Otherwise, they learn to bully their way through life, until someone stops them. It is better for Dad to stop them, than for the police, or a bigger bully to stop them. It is best for them to learn when to stop themselves. Boys need to learn when it is appropriate to exude their strength, and when it is appropriate to control it to the level of gentleness.

In our home, it is Ok to wrestle with Dad. It is not Ok to tackle your unsuspecting little sister.

The way to grow a boy into a man is to provide balance. A boy needs an outlet for his physical energy. He needs to show how strong he is. He likes to challenge his strength. He likes to push himself to the limit and beyond. It is also crucial that he learn to control himself. He needs to live within the rules of society. He needs to learn to treat others with respect. He needs to learn to treat weaker beings with tenderness. In essence, he needs to learn when to be a MAN, and when to be a husband, a father, and a friend.

A young boy who is not shown his physical limits, quickly turns into a wild child. He runs rampant through the parks and play areas, hurting other children in his wake. He doesn't mean to hurt, but he has no sense of control of his strength. As a result, other children run from him, leaving him lonely.

It is my natural tendency to focus on teaching gentleness and to restrain the physical energy. I want him to behave and be safe. The problem with my method is that it does not provide an outlet for that natural physical ability. Frustration builds, and eventually explodes. Worse yet, a once strong boy can become quite whiny and weak, learning helplessness.

I am impressed that my husband already knew all this, and naturally provides a balance for our boys. He lets them take risks. He praises them when they challenge their physical abilities. He gives them time and space to be physical. He also stands firm, without moving out of their way. He reminds them that he is the strongest male in our home, and he is in charge. He demonstrates and enforces the rules about how to interact with Mom and sisters. He enforces respect for others, for property, and for animals. He is teaching them to stay strong, but control their strength.

After finally coming to grips with this gender difference, in terms of the needs of boys and also our different parenting styles, I started observing interactions in public. I was highly amused at church recently, when Jersey #5 ran through the room in pursuit of a ball. Service was over and folks were mingling. As our son toddled along, women stepped to the side out of his way, and even moved chairs out of his way so he could continue straight through. (This seems normal to me). But, Jersey #5 was quickly halted in his tracks when he ran right into our Pastor's leg. Pastor was standing there talking, and did not budge from the impact. Jersey #5 put up his hands and started pushing against Pastor's leg, trying to force him out of the way. In a large room, with plenty of space around, the child actually insists on walking through the exact space occupied by one man's leg. Pastor stood firm and simply looked down, quite amused by the gall of such a youngster. (This seemed normal to my husband). In the end, the toddler yelled and pushed, and met his limit. His head was rubbed, he was acknowledged, but he was not in charge. He eventually gave up and went around the obstacle to get the soccer ball.

Our boys are learning to value their strength at the same time they are learning a sense of control. I am hoping that these lessons learned while they are young will serve them well in adolescence when their true strength emerges.

A New Season

This week, my oldest child turns 8 and my youngest child is 16 months. How is that even possible?

In my mind, I should not even be old enough to have an 8-year old.

Plus, there is the added shocking realization that my youngest "baby" is not even a baby anymore. He is a toddler. He is every bit a toddler, too. He walks. He talks (a little bit). He demands. He tantrums.

For the first time in an entire decade, I am neither pregnant, nursing, nor caring for an infant. I have moved out of the "baby" stage of motherhood.

I am in a new season.

It is nice. I have always assured my husband that the children get easier as they get older. A 3 month old is easier to care for than a newborn. A 4 year old is easier than a 2 year old. 7-year olds are a true gift. The children gain skills and independence as they grow. I enjoy each stage while I am there. Then, I enjoy the next stage when I reach it, too. I love to watch my kids grow and develop.

I have the luxury of getting to enjoy many stages at once. This is the first time I have actually completed a stage, with all of my children. Looking at my current life, I see that the biggest difference when growing out of the baby stage revolves around 3 things.....furniture, sleep, and food.

Clearing out all of the baby equipment (swing, crib, high chair, bassinet, etc) really opens up the home and makes it look much bigger.

For the most part, our children sleep through the night. That means that my husband and I have an opportunity to sleep through the night. Plus, we have our late evenings free, as the kids go to bed at the same time. Even if the kids are woken for some reason (illness, bad dream, etc) they come to us! We do not have to go to them. I can usually answer questions and direct solutions to their nighttime issues right from the comfort and warmth of my own bed. As a result, I am certainly feeling more rested than in years past.

Meals are simplified because everyone eats the same stuff, at the same time. There are no more bottles, bibs, special milk, or puree appliances. I can cook the food and toss it in the general direction of the kids, and they are all old enough to get it to their own mouths!

Completing the baby stage is an eye-opening reminder to me that the season of motherhood is so short. Children grow up too quickly. I need to take the time to enjoy them now, at each and every stage. It won't be long before they are flying from the nest.

Food & Finances Friday--Cooking With Kids

As I am slowly finding my way around the kitchen, I am really enjoying taking the time to let the kids helps me cook. They are eager to help. They are excited about every aspect of the work. They add an element of fun (and sometimes surprise) to any meal preparation.

Of course, it would be much more efficient if I would just run them out of the kitchen and whip up those meals myself. I could complete the job in a fraction of the time, and not need near as much patience. I certainly love to be efficient. But, I love to spend time with my children more. I enjoy having them with me as I go about my home-making chores. The season of motherhood is so short. I don't want to miss time with my kids just because the housework needs to be done.

I also realize that cooking with kids teaches them culinary skills. It provides lessons in following directions (a recipe), measurements, and fractions of a whole. Since I am so graceful, the children also receive a little first aid education, as they observe me treat my burns and cuts. Most of all, we enjoy spending time together, working on a common goal.

It all started as I was getting ready to bake a cake one day, and Jersey #3 ran into the kitchen and asked if he could help me. I decided to pull up the step stool and let him see what I was doing. He was not coordinated enough to pour a cup of water into the batter, at the time, but he was happy to hold the measuring cup with me, so we could pour together. Later, when it was time to cut the cake, Jersey #3 smiled big as he offered the family a chance to try a piece of "the cake that me and Mommy made!" He was so excited to share with his sisters about how he helped make the cake. It made his day.

Right now, I have 4 eager bakers and 1 toddler who just likes to climb on the stool. At first, I tried to include everyone when I baked, letting each kid measure and/or pour 1 ingredient. What I have discovered to be much smoother is to let the kids help me just 1 or 2 at a time, taking turns.

Taking into account their ages and abilities, I have started teaching them different skills. We work towards their ability to do some things independently. What started as helping me place frozen waffles into the toaster has grown into Jersey #3 toasting waffles on his own, with his older sisters helping pour the syrup. There are days when my children are making ME breakfast!

Jersey #1 has mastered mixing kool-aid, buttering toast, and measuring dry ingredients.

She has been anxious to prove to me that she can operate the microwave and conduct herself appropriately around the stove. I recently let her help flip pancakes...

Jersey #2 was scheduled to bring snacks for her Awana class this week, so I had her help me make the sugar cookies. She is not interested in mixing for any length of time. She likes using tools, such as the rolling pin and cookie cutter.

She likes to sample everything, especially the sweet stuff. Her favorite culinary job is adding the candy sprinkles. From the time she first got her hands on a container of sprinkles, our home has never again produced a plainly frosted dessert!

Now that we have our rhythm for making breakfast and baking desserts, I am hoping to move on to making homemade pizza with the kids next.

Sleeping Beauty

This is where I found Jersey #4 when she didn't come to the table when I called the kids to lunch...

I was amused for many reasons. The first one was that she was napping in her sister's bed, of all places. Second, she was still wearing the Tinker Bell dress up costume that I helped her put on so that she could join her older sisters in playing princess. They moved on from princess to restaurant, which is why she is sleeping next to the crate of play food toys. I am not sure how she halted in mid-play to take a nap. Her sisters continued their restaurant activities around her.

I took a few pictures of my sleeping beauty. She is such a pretty princess...

It is just odd that she would take a random nap before lunch. She gave up a daily nap about a year ago. Her schedule hasn't been altered lately to make her tired. I felt her forehead for fever, thinking she might be getting sick. She was cool. I decided she must be hitting a growth spurt, and needing more rest. I covered her up and tucked her in.

A few hours later, I received the answer to the puzzle. Illness. Jersey #4 spiked a fever later this afternoon. Her little body is fighting something.

Basketball Prayers

I love being a bleacher Mom. I enjoy coaching too, but I really enjoy cheering on my kids while they play. During basketball season last winter, I met another Mom whose daughter played on the same team as my older girls. We had a blast chatting and cheering in the stands. There were times we became so excited and cheered so loudly that our daughters would stop in their tracks, on the court, and look at us like we had gone insane. It was fun!

This basketball season is a bit different. I still love to watch my kids play, and cheer them on. I am so impressed by how much they learn from season to season and game to game. The biggest difference this season is that Jersey #2 is struggling with the physical demands of such an aerobic activity. It is a challenge to the current status of her heart. When I am in the stands, cheering her on during her games, I find myself monitoring the color of her paleness. (I did not know pale came in so many shades before now). I worry about her getting hurt. I watch to make sure she is still smiling and having fun. I am constantly questioning if this is too much for her right now?

The struggle I am having with myself is about the decision to let her play basketball this season. I signed the girls up for the program before we learned that Jersey #2 needed heart surgery this year. I did not realize the degree of her declining health even at the time the season began. I do realize that aerobic sports is a challenge for her specific heart condition. I also realize that a 6-year old does not want to have to miss out on playing with her friends. I want to protect her health. I also want to protect her well-being.

I am on such unfamiliar territory, that I really wish there was a motherhood instruction manual I could refer to right now.

Normally, I pride myself on knowing my children better than anyone, and trusting my intuition about their needs and how to manage them. Lately, I just keep praying for some guidance, because I just don't know what to do about this. After the first game, when I realized that Jersey #2 was not able to keep up playing 2 periods in a row, I did talk to her coach. I requested that he only play her every other period, so that she has a rest period in between. She was getting too pale. She was losing her smile. She could not keep up. I assured him that I did not want to be a bother, so he could bench her more than play her if necessary to not disrupt his roster. Thankfully, he was an understanding father who was willing to follow my request to the letter.

I am trying so hard to protect her health without making a big drama out of her health. I don't want her to learn helplessness and become a perpetual victim. I want her to live the life of an active, happy child. Health & well-being. Aren't those two suppose to go together? Why am I struggling to choose one over the other?

The other night, I was finishing up dinner, and getting things ready for basketball practice. Jersey #2 caught me entirely by surprise when she asked if she could just stay home and rest. She explained that her body was tired, and she did not feel up for practice. I immediately answered yes, thankful that she is learning to listen to her body.

I also started to ponder if her health was deteriorating further than I realized.

A friend from church made a comment that really changed my focus. She reminded me that this was not something to cause me worry. This was an answer to prayer. I had been struggling with the physical versus psychological needs of my daughter, wanting to do all that was best for her.

Jersey #2 provided the answer I was seeking. She confirmed that yes, she needed a break from the physical demands of basketball. She removed my concerns about how that would make her feel, by choosing the option herself. It was her idea, not mine, so missing practice was not misconstrued as a punishment.

My basketball prayers were answered. What peace that brings to me!

There are only 5 more games left to this season. I told Jersey #2 that we would take it 1 game at a time, 1 practice at a time, and she can decide if she wants to play each one or not. She looked so surprised, and asked, "Really?" Yes. I reminded her to listen to her body and decide what she wants to do.

And then she smiled.

I love to see her smile.

The pressure is off for both of us. She can play as much or as little as she wants, and it is all Ok. We will make adjustments as we go along. I suppose that is how we learn to balance health and well-being.

Boys will be Boys

I am not certain which of my guys is most impressive here....

I am often amused by the random and spontaneous activities that males find to demonstrate their strength.

I do not understand. I do not relate. But, I am entertained.

Rock-a-bye Baby

Shortly after I brought my first baby home from the hospital, I was advised to not get into the habit of rocking her to sleep. The advice went something along the lines of, "if you start the habit of rocking her to sleep, then you will always have to rock her to sleep." It was spoken as if rocking a baby to sleep was a bad thing.

Thankfully, my natural desire to hold and cuddle my daughter was much stronger than that advice. We found rocking to sleep to be a very warm, loving, peaceful way to fall asleep. I enjoyed that quiet, relaxing time of sitting and rocking with my baby in my arms. Logically, I knew that there was no way it was going to happen forever, because how many teenagers do you know who sit on their Mama's lap and rock to sleep every night?

In our time of nurturing babies and toddlers, we've rocked in a wooden rocking chair, a glider, and 2 different recliners. Some couples trade up for better vehicles....we trade up for better rocking furniture! We rock at naptime. We rock at bedtime. We rock during breastfeeding. We rock away colds and congestion. We rock away teething pains. Sometimes we just sit and rock for fun while watching a movie.

Bedtime routines are not disrupted during travel because Granny & PawPaw have rocking recliners too. PawPaw is more than happy to watch a movie with the grandkids, while rocking the youngest grandbaby to sleep.

Daddy is happy to pitch in during the bedtime routine, and be the one to sit in the recliner and rock the baby while watching a movie. As some of our children got older, my husband and I would practically arm wrestle each other to see who won the privilege of rocking the baby to sleep, while the other corralled the older children to their beds. The competition grew stronger the more we realized that rocking a baby to sleep is a very brief phase in parenting.

It passes too quickly. It is so fun. It is so relaxing. It is a great way to enjoy a baby.

Jersey #1 beamed with pride the first time she was able to rock Jersey #4 to sleep when she was a baby. It was a moment of great honor to realize that her baby sister felt so secure in her arms. She smiles big when Jersey #5 puts his arms up for her to lift him into her lap because she is sitting in the recliner. She will occasionally ask to rock Jersey #5 to sleep for his nap, especially on a cold day when she wants to cuddle under blankets and watch cartoons. It is so precious to see an older sibling taking such tender loving care of a younger sibling.

The other day, Jersey #1 approached me with a puzzled look on her face, asking if Jersey #5 was napping already. When I said he was already asleep in his bed, she asked me who rocked him. I did. She replied, "That's not fair! I wanted to rock him to sleep!" I thought her reaction was amusing.......until today.

This afternoon, Jersey #5 climbed up into the rocking chair, with his blanket, pacifier, and sippy cup, and fell asleep on his own.

Of course he was so adorable that I had to get my camera and take his picture. I was also a bit sad to see this growth in him. I wanted to complain just like Jersey #1, "That's not fair! I wanted to rock him to sleep!"

The truth is that children do not want to rock to sleep forever. In my experience, there is a surge of toddler independence around 15 months of age, where they no longer enjoy rocking to sleep. In our home, the rocking season passed in perfect timing, as the toddlers grew and younger siblings were on the way. Our toddlers moved on to reading books until they fell asleep in their beds, in plenty of time before the next newborn was ready to be rocked to sleep.

I know its time for Jersey #5 to be making this change. He is following the same course his siblings paved. At the same time, I am a little saddened that this rock-a-bye baby season is coming to an end. He is learning to fall asleep on his own.

It won't be long before he will be going to his own bed at bedtime, reading books until he falls asleep....

Food & Finances Friday--paycheck to paycheck

I decided to go back to the basics and learn to live "paycheck to paycheck". Most of the time, that phrase is actually a bad thing. It is a sign of financial struggle. It denotes stress and worry. It give the mental image of eagerly waiting for each payday, while living a strained life the days in between. It suggests that there are no savings to be found.

That is not what I mean. I am not going back to the basics of financial struggle.

I am going back to the basics of budgeting. I am taking care to organize our monthly expenses. I am categorizing those expenses by which paycheck they will be paid. Every penny of every paycheck is being categorized, allocated, and tracked.

I like this system because it simplifies bill paying. There is a list of bills that are paid with the first paycheck of the month, and list of bills that are paid with the second paycheck of the month. With this system, I only need to sit down and pay bills twice a month.

I like simple. I like organized.

As I was mulling over this idea, and considering starting it with the January budget, my husband's employer announced that they were changing the pay schedule to twice a month. (It was previously biweekly). Since I had to restructure our budget to fit that new pay schedule anyway, it was a great fit to organize it by paycheck.

My past budgeting attempts set up a monthly budget, with random bill paying. It is easy to make errors with that lack of attention to detail. It is easy to overspend when tracking is just as random.

We are barely into this new month and new system, and I love it already. Bills are expected and logged as soon as they arrive. I am no longer surprised or stressed by the arrival of a bill. I know exactly which paycheck will cover the expense of each bill. I have been able to set up more automatic payments for regular bills such as the mortgage and utilities. I only sit down and write out checks for payments twice a month, on payday. I've organized the bill list in such a way that when I make the payments each payday, everything is paid on time. I no longer have to worry about remembering payment due dates, or if I have enough time to send a payment through the mail.

With the budget this simplified and organized, there is no stress from paycheck to paycheck.

Return to Normal

This week has been a struggle for me. I have not been able to get my thoughts organized until just this morning. We enjoyed a nice, relaxed pace to our days during the two weeks that surrounded the Christmas and New Years holidays. This week, we were suppose to return to normal. The problem is that I am not even certain what normal is for us. I often joke that our family has never been accused of being normal. All jokes aside, it took me until this morning to realize that I was expecting to accomplish an impossible feat. Our family had no intentions of returning to normal. So much has changed for us now. I am not certain we will ever return to our previous way of life, but I know it definitely isn't happening this week.

No wonder I feel like I am spinning my wheels but not going anywhere.

This morning it dawned on me that we are blazing a new routine.

It starts with a new pace. Last year, we bounced from one crisis to another. This year we are in planning and discipline mode. We are paying attention to sleep, fitness, hydration, and nutrition, so that our bodies are in the better shape to endure the stress ahead. We are taking the time to visit the doctor and the dentist, instead of ignoring pains and problems. We are budgeting every aspect of our life.

This week the kids' activities are in full swing. We are returning to activities, to a lessened amount. As previous activities ended, we let them go. We did not sign up for anything new this year. At first, we chose this change so that all activities would be completed by the time Jersey #2 is scheduled for surgery. We did not want have to pull her out of activities, in order to have surgery, and have her to feel as though she were being punished for having a heart condition.

Now, we realize it is essential that she have a reduced activity schedule, due to the exercise intolerance symptom that continues to worsen in her. Our daily routine now places the limit of 1 public activity per day. My husband and I alter our schedule so that she may rest at home the remainder of the day and night. It is easy to stick to this restriction, because any attempt to push that limit results in her breaking down in a puddle of tears from exhaustion. No activity is worth that.

I now do our grocery shopping in the late evenings, or on weekends. My husband will run errands on his lunch break. We take turns attending evening church services, so that one of us can be home. The Referee pays more attention to wrap up his work day consistently, so that he can be home in the evenings.....or be the one to run that evening's errands. We are working as a team. (Teamwork is something that has been missing from our marriage for a few years now, so it is a great blessing to have it return). We do not buy anything outside our basic-needs budget. We are saving every spare penny for upcoming medical expenses.

During the day, I've learned to implement an hour of quiet time, with the children in their beds, reading, napping, or playing quietly, so that Jersey #2 can rest. We moved bedtime up to 8pm. I'm figuring out a smoother meal and snack schedule so that she can maintain steady energy. It sounds like I am setting up a routine for a toddler, instead of a 6-year old...which might explain why the younger siblings are just thriving in this new lifestyle.

Our new family routine certainly revolves around the specific needs of 1 family member. It amazes me how the entire family is adapting and growing just as well. Understanding the need to change our way of life was easy. Implementing it naturally, without setting her apart as a target, was challenging at first. Each little change immediately improved her health and disposition, so we knew we were on the right track. Observing the younger 3 children settle right into the relaxed pace, has been encouraging. Inviting friends over to play, or letting our oldest go over to a friend's house to play on occasion, adds variety. Experiencing our marriage grow in teamwork has been wonderful. Seeing the blessings pour out of this challenge, has been priceless.

This morning I realized that we are not going to return to normal this week. The first requirement to achieve that goal would be to establish normal first....and then return to it. Our family has never been accused of being normal.

Jury Duty Begins...

The courthouse gave me a wonderful Christmas present and moved me from the regular jury panel to the alternate list. That was a HUGE relief. As an alternate, I have to check the list every Friday, either by phone or internet, and see if my number is scheduled for the following week. Sure enough, my number was listed for today, the very first day of this jury duty commitment. We had the weekend to process this information.

Of course, today is the first day back into our life. We've been on a lazier schedule the past couple weeks, with my husband's holiday leave creating extra-long weekends. He ended up having to call into work and say that he would either be late, or absent today, due to my jury duty requirement. That is not a very smooth transition back into our "normal" routine.

It was completely out of the ordinary for me to have to wake up an hour earlier than usual, get showered, dressed, and leave the house before most of the family was even awake. Since it was cold, I also had to warm the car and scrape the ice off the windows. I can't even remember how long it has been since I've done that. I have not participated in the morning commute in our town for at least 6 years. I did not miss it.

I got started on the wrong foot when I turned into the employee parking structure, instead of the public parking structure. The entrances are less than a block apart, and I missed the sign. I realized my error after it was too late and I was already stuck in the lane where there was no where to go but forward....and I couldn't go forward without an employee badge. That was embarrassing. I pushed the panic button (some call button that had no audio response), and a security guard arrived to let me through the barrier so I could turn my car around and go over to the correct parking structure. He was cordial, thankfully.

I managed to park and find my way toward the courthouse. Going through security was a completely different experience first thing this morning, than it was the afternoon of jury orientation. The line was empty. The security guards were friendly, and even smiling. The courthouse is a completely different place early in the morning, before business gets rolling. The staff were smiling and welcoming. All throughout the building, men were gentlemen who opened doors or held doors for me everywhere I walked.

I was led to the juror waiting room. The regular panel sat in one room, the alternates waited in another. We all sat around and waited for each juror to show up. 12 jurors are required. If the regular panel has any of their 12 missing, then the alternates have to fill those slots for the day. We were handed a list of targets and witnesses and advised to make sure we did not know anyone on the schedule that day. Of the 8 alternates on the list today, 7 of us showed up. Of the 12 panel members, 10 showed up. We were informed that 2 alternates would be required for the day. The alternates were a friendly bunch. We shared small talk about how being called in the very first day was a bit more challenging than anticipated. Most expressed a desire to be dismissed.

One guy volunteered to stay. That left 1 remaining slot to fill. The juror coordinator decided to pick a number and have the person closest to her picked number be the other person to remain. She wrote her number on a piece of paper, and turned to us to guess. The game came to a quick halt with the first lady, because she guessed the number exactly. No need for the rest of us to pick a number also. I was internally amused because the lady picked the number that I was originally going to say....3. The two alternates were moved over to the room with the jury panel. The rest of us got our parking cards stamped, and we were dismissed.

I spent more time driving to the courthouse than I spent in the courthouse. I was pleased that I got to return home today. That was a big relief. That adventure completes my jury obligation for this entire week. The list for next week comes available Friday evening.

1 week down, 12 to go...

Homeschooling Curriculum

The kids & I have enjoyed a nice 2-week break from homeschooling. I have been spending a little time this afternoon, getting their lessons organized to begin again next week. I went online and browsed for some homeschooling organization ideas. I was quickly distracted by a couple reviews of the A Beka curriculum that we use. The nice thing about this distraction is that it clarified a little problem that I have been mulling over lately.

I have a nice circle of homeschooling friends. We share a variety of reasons for choosing to homeschool, along with a variety of methods to achieve our homeschooling goals. Our different styles are as unique as our families themselves. (Which is a really nice feature of homeschooling--we tailor it to fit our family). I usually enjoy chatting with other homeschooling Moms about their experiences and how they are educating their kids. Oddly enough, this school year, my curriculum choice has been brought under question a few times.

Some folks are a bit surprised that our family has been homeschooling for 2.5 years with the same curriculum. There are so many curriculum options available these days, that it is easy to become overwhelmed by all of the choices, and it is easy to switch to something else. The fact that we have not switched curriculum yet, seems bizarre to some of my friends, especially the ones who switch programs every semester. I have been described as being "faithful" to one curriculum. I have been asked how long do I really think I can keep using this same curriculum? I have been drilled with a series of "have you heard about such-n-such curriculum? (as if I just have no clue that there are other options out there!) I am most entertained by the folks who insist on telling me the criticisms of the curriculum we are using, or the places where they have heard this curriculum can be weak.

Since my husband and I do not give random people a vote in how we raise and educate our children, I tend to let the comments fall away on their own. I do not believe that there is a single best curriculum for every school, homeschool, family, or child. I just know that we found the best one for our family, specifically for these elementary grades. I am very pleased with our choice. The comments from others sent me pondering just why am I so pleased with our curriculum choice?

I have always just explained to all of the questioners that I started stressing about schooling options when Jersey #1 was only 18 months old. We confirmed our decision to homeschool when she was only 3. I took over a year to research all of the schooling styles and curriculum options. I even attended a homeschool convention the year before she officially started kindergarten, browsing all of the curriculum vendor tables, without purchasing a single thing. I took notes, made charts, weighed out the pros and cons, strengths and weaknesses of many options. I am a scientist by nature, so I enjoy collecting data and analyzing it. My husband and I had lengthy conversations about our educational goals for our children. Over time, I narrowed down the choices, until I found what works for us.

Reading those curriculum reviews today, reminded me of some the things that drew me to this curriculum. Some of the descriptions fit us perfectly--really organized, highly structured, Christian grounded, accelerated, advanced. I personally love how well-organized it is. The fact that it is workbook based is great for aiding the kids in becoming independent learners, and helps me school separate grades at the same time. The workbook pages are colorful and engaging. The material is introduced step-by-step. This curriculum fits our educational priorities because it gives a strong foundation in the core subjects of reading, writing, and arithmetic, in these early grades. In addition, it is very Biblically based (which is very important to me), and every subject points toward the Christian worldview. I have no concerns about meeting the education standards for each grade, because this curriculum tends to run a full year ahead of the public school curriculum.

Plus, did I mention it was organized? I have a passion and a gift for organization. It is absolutely essential for me to have a well organized curriculum, in order to school each of our children to their full learning potential....at the same time! We know our children are intelligent. We expect them to excel academically. We want to prepare them for success in college (and in life). That requires a strong foundation in the core subjects, structured study skills, and organization. Including verses, as well as references to stories from the Bible, helps impress upon our children that God's Word is relevant in EVERY aspect of their lives (even handwriting)!

I am well aware that there are many, many wonderful homeschooling curriculum resources available. I am at peace that I have found what works best for our family.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!