I am really not good at waiting. It is a running joke with my friends at church, because every lesson about waiting on God's timing is so painful to me. I am a planner. I am a do-er. I can see how decisions play out many steps in advance. (I joke that I can see around corners). I set goals, and define the path to take to achieve them, with ease. I can make tough decisions and stand through the consequences of those decisions. I like to be busy. I like to keep moving forward. I do not like to wait.
Right now, I am being forced to wait.
I am in the midst of waiting through the approximate 6 months time lapse from Jersey #2's diagnosis until the open-heart surgery treatment. I am waiting to hear if my husband will have a job with the program he has been working on. I am waiting to hear if his company will have work for him for the rest of the week, while they try to get the contract for that program continued. I am waiting to see if he has to start using up his leave. I am waiting to know if he will need to find a new job. I am waiting to know what our medical benefits status will be by the time Jersey #2 is scheduled to see her cardiologist.....not to mention what the status will be at the time of surgery. I am waiting to see how many paychecks will continue to post into our bank account.
There is so much going on in our life right now that is not well defined. It is very difficult to plan for tomorrow, much less the future.
I find myself in unfamiliar territory. Hardships like these have struck before. They are not uncommon to us. What is uncommon is the level of calm. I am not basking in stress. I have peace.
I am not able to plan my way out of this. It is in God's hands, not my hands. I can only take each day as it comes. A friend reminded me that God provided food for the Israelite's every day of their journey out of Egypt.....but he only provided the manna one day at a time (with double for the Sabbath). They could not collect it up and store it during the week. He provided every bit that they needed, in the time that they needed it.
I am taking 1 day at a time. I can only collect the manna for today.
Right now, I am being forced to wait.
I am in the midst of waiting through the approximate 6 months time lapse from Jersey #2's diagnosis until the open-heart surgery treatment. I am waiting to hear if my husband will have a job with the program he has been working on. I am waiting to hear if his company will have work for him for the rest of the week, while they try to get the contract for that program continued. I am waiting to see if he has to start using up his leave. I am waiting to know if he will need to find a new job. I am waiting to know what our medical benefits status will be by the time Jersey #2 is scheduled to see her cardiologist.....not to mention what the status will be at the time of surgery. I am waiting to see how many paychecks will continue to post into our bank account.
There is so much going on in our life right now that is not well defined. It is very difficult to plan for tomorrow, much less the future.
I find myself in unfamiliar territory. Hardships like these have struck before. They are not uncommon to us. What is uncommon is the level of calm. I am not basking in stress. I have peace.
I am not able to plan my way out of this. It is in God's hands, not my hands. I can only take each day as it comes. A friend reminded me that God provided food for the Israelite's every day of their journey out of Egypt.....but he only provided the manna one day at a time (with double for the Sabbath). They could not collect it up and store it during the week. He provided every bit that they needed, in the time that they needed it.
I am taking 1 day at a time. I can only collect the manna for today.
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