Tetralogy of Fallot Basics

Jersey #2 was born with the heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot. The details of this defect are pictured in the above image that I borrowed from the American Heart Association's website. There are 4 parts (tetra)...in no particular order...

1. Ventricular Septal Defect: this is a hole between the two lower chambers (ventricles) of the heart.
   
2. Pulmonary Stenosis: a narrowing of the path where blood flows from the heart to the lungs.
3. Overriding Aorta: The major artery that carries oxygen-rich blood from the heart to the body is out of its place, sitting on top of the hole between the ventricles instead. This allows blood from both chambers (oxygenated and non-oxygenated) to mix together and flow to the body.
4. Hypertrophy of the Right Ventricle: the right lower chamber of the heart becomes more muscular, due to the extra work it does to try to push blood through the narrowing at the pulmonary valve.

This combination of problems means that not enough blood is able to get to the lungs to pick up oxygen, and blood with low oxygen levels is sent out to the body. This results in a bluish (cyanotic) appearance, because the body's oxygen saturation levels are lower than normal.

Tetralogy of Fallot must be repaired with open-heart surgery. If left untreated, this condition is fatal. The technology and abilities of the cardiology field have boomed tremendously within the past 4 decades. As a result, babies born with this defect are now able to have all 4 components repaired in 1 single surgery.

Jersey #2 underwent open-heart surgery when she was only 2.5 months old. Surgery lasted 6 hours. She was on the ventilator (breathing tube) for the first 24 hours following surgery. She spent 4 days in Intensive Care, followed by 4 days in the pediatric cardiology ward of the hospital. Her recovery was on the quick end of the spectrum.

The surgeon identified the source of her pulmonary stenosis to be a very underdeveloped pulmonary valve. He had to cut through the valve in order to open up that narrowing to allow blood to flow to the lungs. He left her with a transanular patch to work in place of a pulmonary valve. He was hoping it would take her to adulthood. It lasted 6 years.

Now, she needs a new pulmonary valve to be placed in her heart. This is the open-heart surgery we are facing in a few months.

Photo Opportunity

It is often difficult to get a nice picture of multiple children together. I find it is near-impossible to get all 5 of mine to look at the camera and smile at the same time.

For some strange reason, I still try.

Periodically, I make an attempt to get a nice group photo of my children together, with me as the photographer. It is always an adventure. Sometimes, it even borders on torture (for me).

This past weekend, I took the kids to a park and tried a few group shots in between some playground activity. I never got that perfect picture. I did get a few good ones. We also had a lot of fun.

I tried a variety of poses.

The circle of heads....

The slide train....

Sitting on a park bench in birth order....

Holding hands, strolling through the park....

I had better luck with individual photos. I might just have to save the challenge of group pictures for the professional photo studios.

Learning to Read

I believe that one of the greatest joys of homeschooling is getting to be an eyewitness when my children are learning to read. The gift of reading is one of the greatest academic accomplishments I can give my children. Our homeschooling focus begins with reading. The Referee and I hold firm to the idea that a person who can read well can learn anything. Holes in a person's educational history can be filled in by reading books (or even websites nowadays) on any subject matter.

Children who struggle with reading tend to struggle with confidence in learning. I have peers who admit to questioning their intelligence based on their reading challenges. I do not know the full connection between strength of reading and academic success, but I've heard enough personal accounts from friends and family to take note of this priority when educating my own children.

Our homeschool focus begins with the building blocks to reading. Identifying ABCs, followed by learning the phonetic sounds each letter makes. The curriculum we use introduces the short vowel sounds first. The next step is a blend of a single consonant with a single short vowel. It is a small step from a 2-letter blend to a 3-letter word. I know this phonics method only through the experience of my children learning to read, because I learned to sight read when I was a kid.

Something clicked with Jersey #3 and he is now starting to sound out 3-letter words. He has been able to identify his ABCs for a couple years now. I introduced the short vowel sounds last Fall, but they did not stick, so I gave it more time. A couple weeks ago, he started taking an interest again. The consonant sounds clicked with him faster. So, as soon as he had a breakthrough with a couple short vowels (a and o), he was able to blend.

I really like A Beka's phonics based reading program, so that is the curriculum we use. For the pre-K level, they offer little paper "readers" that are very colorful and only 10 pages long. The reader introduces a single letter on one page, a blend with that letter on the next page, and then a 3-letter word on the 3rd page. The children think they are reading, because they are learning these skills from a little book. It is so cute. The last page of the 3rd reader has a 3 word sentence. The amount of material in each reader is just enough to encourage the kid and build their confidence and excitement about reading, without exhausting them, so we end on a positive note. The number and difficulty of words increases as we go through the sequence of readers.

Learning to read appears to be a "2 steps forward, 1 step back" process. Jersey #3 went through 4 readers with me in one day, then sat and read 3 of those readers to his Dad that evening. I know that when we pick up the readers again, he will NOT be ready for the fifth one. We will start back through the 3rd or 4th one to review a little before moving on. If we move on too quickly, frustrations grow. A little review builds excitement, then he can learn new material with that positive momentum. This is how Jersey #2 learns as well, and the two of them appear to have some similarities in their learning style.

The Referee is very impressed that our son is learning to read already. We both are fairly certain that we learned to read in 1st grade. Jersey #1 learned to read a few months after turning 5. Jersey #2 learned a few months before her 5th birthday. Jersey #3 will be 5 in a couple months from now. Success is not found in the age of the child. It is found by being attentive to the readiness of the child. Each child is so different. They grow, develop, and mature at different rates. So, I have to keep an eye out for clues to their interest and readiness before I introduce a new academic skill. As hard as it is for me to do this, I have also had to learn to back off when they are clearly not ready for something, and give them more time before approaching it again.

With Jersey #1 I actually slowed her down, because I thought she was too young to learn to read. She figured out reading on her own. She learned her ABCs, and then the sounds each letter made. I didn't pull out any readers for her at 4 years old, so she started sounding out street signs. She sounded out "sun" off the Sunrise Apartments sign. That was my first clue that it was time to teach her to read. By kindergarten, she breezed right through those Pre-K readers the first day. She completed the kindergarten readers that first week. I laughed at myself for spending so much time researching the reading program I wanted to use, and then waiting too long to start it that she taught herself to read using street signs instead. So, I made sure to get out the reading program much sooner for Jersey #2.

Jersey #2 picked up blending 2 letters really well. She was a model reader for this curriculum. The funny thing about her is that even though she is beyond beginning reading books, she is resistant to read chapter books. She has no explanation, but just informs me that she does not like chapter books. She has sailed right through her entire 1st grade reading list, but digs in her heals to avoid the 2nd grade reading list. So, we started reading the chapter books on the 2nd grade list together, taking turns reading out loud to each other. One of the benefits of homeschooling is this ability to move forward at the student's pace, even when her resistance makes no sense to me whatsoever!

Magical 3

3-years old appears to be the magical age when my severely introverted children blossom into social maturity.

I have absolutely no scientific proof that there is any magic that comes with age 3. This is not universal for all children. Quite the contrary, Jersey #1 was an absolute handful as she was turning 3, and she was a social extrovert right from birth......actually, even in the womb she would wave and smile for the ultrasound camera. At age 3, she was very sassy.

But Jersey #3 and Jersey #4 are VERY introverted. Jersey #3 would enter hysterics if anyone held him other than his parents. It was rather shocking to take a 2-week old baby to church and have him scream if any of the ladies tried to hold him. Stranger anxiety does not usually surface that young. Technically, Jersey #3 did not go through a stranger anxiety stage.....he had stranger repulsion right from the start. He refused attention from anyone else other than his Mom or Dad for the first year of his life. It took him a while to warm up to grandparents. When he was just over a year old, he was drawn to a teen girl at our church, which finally gave us a babysitter! During his 1st birthday party, he went inside the toy playhouse and refused to come out until after most of the guests had left. As a toddler, he would go to his bedroom and take a nap at nap time, even if we had friends over for a play date. To this day, if given the option, he will choose to stay home instead of going out anywhere.

The advice I was given when my severely introverted son was a baby and young toddler, was to continue to bring him to a childcare setting and let him scream at first. I was assured that each time he would improve until he was comfortable. The caregivers at MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) were very sweet and experienced, so I listened to their advice.....at first. We tried this for 3 MOPS meetings in a row. He screamed so much during the first meeting, that the meeting was disrupted by so many Moms going to check to see if it was their child who was upset. The Moms who knew it was my son would report back to me about how he was doing and what the caregivers were doing to try to comfort him. I ended up leaving early that day, to go pick him up and end the stress for everyone.

During the 2nd attempt, the caregivers got him to calm down a little by taking him for a stroll outside. This also cut down on the amount of noise indoors. Every time they tried to bring him back inside, he screamed hysterically all over again. He calmed down when he was strolled over to the playground where Jersey #2 was playing with her class. So, they let him play there a while. As soon as he was brought to the nursery again, he started screaming. Once again, I picked him up early. The caregivers informed me that even though he calmed down with his sister, he could not join her class because he was not potty trained. I was beginning to lose faith in their methods, and my gut told me that this was not good for him.

He began screaming as soon as we entered the hallway of the nursery for the 3rd meeting. He knew where we were going, and he was not showing any signs of cooperation in the slightest. Quite the opposite, his hysterics seemed worse, if that is even possible. I kissed him goodbye, handed him over to the caregiver, and went to the meeting. My mind raced through options for how to re-arrange my husband's work schedule so I could still attend MOPS, because I really enjoyed the fellowship with other Moms. I knew there was no way that Jersey #3 was going to warm up to the childcare arrangement. My gut was telling me this was not the way to manage him. Apparently the nursery staff felt the same way, because they decided to just bring him to me within the first hour. They could do nothing with him to get him to calm down, so they threw in the towel. They were out of ideas. Their response only confirmed my thought that conventional wisdom was not working for this kid. He needed something more from me. I was able to attend a few more MOPS meetings without him, on days when my husband could take a morning off work to be home with Jersey #3. After that, I gave up MOPS and stayed home with my son. I gave up Bible study classes, homeschool co-ops, ladies organizations, and everything else that required me to leave Jersey #3 in childcare. I decided that his needs took priority over my needs. That is motherhood.

Jersey #3 continued to grow and develop, while remaining by my side. He learned how to interact with adults and peers in social situations, secure in the knowledge that I was not going anywhere. He had a real comfortable routine going. When he was 3 years old, we decided to stretch him out of his comfort zone a little and nudge him into some higher independence. He was ready. We used gymnastics class for this training. Our family had been going to the same gym for gymnastics classes from the month Jersey #3 was born. He was comfortable with the gym and the staff. He was used to watching his sisters during their classes, and even participating in a parent-tot program with me. The preschool program began at age 3, and the kids attended on their own, with the parents observing from the sidelines. At first, Jersey #3 refused to attend class on his own. The Referee and I sat him down and explained to him that it was time for him to go to "big boy" gymnastics class now that he was 3. We laid out our expectations for how he was suppose to listen to and obey his coach, and participate in the class. We let him mull that information over for a couple days, an then I began the excited talk about how much fun class was going to be in a few days. That did the trick. He ran into the gym and ran right into class and participated the entire time. The coach actually pulled me aside and asked me what I did that changed his attitude so much. I explained that we had come to the conclusion that this was the time to stretch him. If we didn't, then he would become a socially wimpy "Mama's boy." I was confident that I had given him that extra security he needed as an infant and toddler, but he was showing all the skills and abilities to be more socially independent as a preschooler. He just need the boundary and the encouragement, and I was certain his confidence would soar. I was careful to introduce one independent class at a time and let him adjust at his pace. We started with gymnastics, then eased into Awana Cubbies. At first, I remained in his Cubbies class until he was comfortable with the environment. His teachers remarked that he was a completely different child by the end of the program than he was at the beginning. That year of being 3 years old was a time of great social blooming for Jersey #3. Now, he can enter a new class of peers, nearly as independent and confident as his older sisters have always been. He won't bloom into an extrovert like they are, but he has learned how to conduct himself appropriately in social situations. He just prefers to be at home with his family. (He is a lot like his VERY introverted Daddy!)

The trauma that Jersey #3 put me through was great preparation for Jersey #4. She was not content enough to just be with me, she was only content at home! She did not let anyone else hold her, or even look at her for that matter. She would look away if anyone tried to talk to her. She did not smile at anyone but her immediate family. Any time we tried to go out to activities or play dates, we always ended up leaving with Jersey #4 screaming. When she was done, she was done, and she would not calm down until she was back in the comfort of her own home. I had already given up all of my personal endeavors for Jersey #3, so I only had to extend that time away from such things in order to manage Jersey #4. This time around, I had the personal security of knowing that trusting my gut was best. Jersey #3 eventually bloomed, so I was certain that Jersey #4 would too.

A lot of friends and family asked if Jersey #4 even talked when she was approaching 2. She was a chatterbox at home, but did not speak a word in public. She did not smile at anyone. She did not even look at anyone. She ignored the world.....until recently. Starting at age 2 1/2 a light switch flipped somewhere and Jersey #4 gained instant independence. Out of the blue, she started talking to people at church and friends we see every week. Last month, she participated in Awana Puggles on her own, without me in the room with her. A couple weeks ago, she informed me that she did not want me to go to Sunday school class with her. She told me to go to my own class and to sit quiet and no talking during class. This week, she played with the other kids in the nursery at our homeschool co-op and interacted with the other teachers, and didn't need me for anything. She smiled at her teacher during snack time. She told me that when she is 3 she is going to the big girl class at Co-op (speaking of the 3-year old classroom.)

There is just something magical about age 3, for severely introverted children.

Thankfully, Jersey #5 is much more extroverted and social like his oldest sisters. He is almost as socially independent as Jersey #4 already. That is a welcome break for an extreme extrovert like me. I am glad I took the time and care to shelter my two introverts to let them develop social skills at their own pace. But, now, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Bring on the social activities!

High Aspirations

This is a child whose aspirations have no limits. I hope he stays this way throughout his entire life...

Food & Finances Friday--Casserole Surprise

After spending a couple weeks making many meals for families in need recently (I am not sure what hit so many families all at once, but it seemed like we knew a bunch who were dealing with something intense and needed a meal for their family), I have really grown to appreciate casseroles.

Casseroles can feed many people. They can also feed hungry, growing children a ton of food in one meal. (Sometimes I wonder just how does my 4-year old engulf so much food in one sitting.) Casseroles are flexible. I can substitute ingredients if I am missing something, and it doesn't ruin the dish. Casseroles are simple to assemble and easy to double. I can make one pan for a family in need and another pan for my own family, at the same time. I love the efficiency of being able to feed two families the same meal like that. It helps me serve others without detracting from the needs of my own family. Casseroles can be very inexpensive, which really helps a family on a budget.

After asking my friends for some of their favorite easy casserole dishes, I started to consider that there must be a formula for making a casserole. I think I might have it figured out. A basic casserole appears to have a handful of standard ingredients:

• a pasta source

• a sauce source

• a meat source (unless it is a vegetarian dish)

• a vegetable source

• an additional splash of flavor

• an additional liquid to blend it all together and keep it from drying out in the oven

• a topping

It is a simple formula. Yet, I have successfully messed it up! I realize that I am proudly to the point of being able to follow a recipe and cook nice meals for my family. But, I am NOT ready to be experimenting in the kitchen....just yet. I've still got a learning curve there.

After successfully following a simple broccoli and chicken casserole recipe four times, I decided to tweak it one night. I had some BBQ shredded chicken that was not a hit, because the BBQ sauce was too wild for our family. I did not want to waste all that chicken by throwing it out. So, I thought it would be smart to use the BBQ chicken up in a casserole, hoping that the casserole would tame it a bit. I was a little too ambitious to substitute items from the original casserole. The final product did not look anything like the ones I had made before. I used the BBQ chicken instead of regular chicken, and did not add mustard, because the BBQ sauce had enough of a flavor kick. I used spaghetti pasta instead of the rotini pasta. I used green beans instead of broccoli.

My new casserole concoction was certainly not as pretty. My family was a good sport about it though. They asked what it was. When I shared what was in it, my husband laughed. He was highly entertained by my attempt to use up the chicken with the yucky BBQ sauce. The casserole was not too bad. The boys in the family liked it enough to clear their plates. The 2-year old was very vocal with her opinion that it did NOT taste good. Since I don't plan to use that BBQ sauce anymore, I don't plan to repeat that particular casserole ever again.

The Gift of Medicine

A couple from our church presented me with a bag filled with all of these children's health goodies. It was a gift from their family to ours. We are so blessed.

Due to an employer change situation, they ended up with money in a health savings account that needed to be spent by an early deadline or else it would be gone. While they were listing out the things they could spend the money on, such as new glasses and getting wisdom teeth pulled, they also thought about ways they could bless others.

They had Jersey #2's heart condition on their hearts, so they looked for things that might help us care for her after her surgery. Their ideas included a forehead thermometer, and a blood pressure cuff. I am touched by their thoughtfulness and generosity.

One of the greatest benefits to being part of a church family is the comfort of knowing we will not go through life's challenges alone. We are loved. Our church family prays for us, encourages us, and blesses us with helpful gifts.

Such as the gift of children's medicine.

Snuggie

We enjoyed some additional Christmas excitement recently, when a box arrived in the mail from Nana (The Referee's Mom). The gifts were from Nana's Mom.

Snuggies for all!

A Snuggie is a blanket with sleeves. I've been told these advertise on TV a lot. I had only heard of them, and had not seen one until the day they arrived.

A blanket is a good gift idea for us. We often lounge in the living room under a blanket. Our house is quite drafty. Plus, we keep the thermostat low to cut down on utility expenses.

The kids have seen a Snuggie commercial, so they were thrilled when they opened their gifts. They read the box and shared with me that you can stay warm and keep your hands free! They told me that I could wear my Snuggie while I am typing on my laptop.

Nana had the brilliant forthought to iron on a decal with each child's initial, so that we know which Snuggie belongs to which kid. We've got 3 pink for the girls and 2 blue for the boys.

The kids tried them on with the opening in the back, like the box shows. They also tried them on with the opening in the front, like a robe. Jersey #1 tied a sash around hers to turn it into a robe. Jersey #3 wore his to the table and immediately spilled his snack on it, so I had to wash it within an hour of its arrival.

To add to the excitement, Nana sent a Snuggie to me and The Referee too! Mine is pink, his is blue.

Both The Referee and Jersey #2 wear their Snuggie all the time. The Referee even wears his to bed sometimes. He enjoys relaxing in his recliner covered in his Snuggie in the evenings. Jersey #2 wears hers around the house, and even asks to take it with her in the van when we go out. She is a walking advertisement about how she can stay warm and keep her hands free.

I am amused. A blanket with sleeves. It is a brilliant concept, and they are quite popular.

I am not a fan, personally. I like a blanket, for sure. I like to use the Snuggie as a blanket. It is soft and warm. But, I do not wear it as designed. I do not like to feel constricted or confined in any way. I hardly wear a jacket unless I am at risk of freezing. I don't like long sleeves. I don't wear turtlenecks. I tend to wear my shirts baggy, because I like room to move. So, a blanket with sleeves just did not entice me the way it amazed other members of my family.

Jersey #5 doesn't wear his much either. Actually, he was more impressed with the box everything was shipped in...

Water fountains

Jersey #5 has discovered water fountains....

I spend a large amount of time trying to keep him out of the dog's water dish as it is. He loves water. Now that he has discovered that there is a drinking fountain near almost every public restroom, he is drawn to them like a magnet.

Most of the time, he is too short to operate them. But, the water fountains at the gym where Jersey #2 plays basketball are kid-sized, with a step-stool below. If ever I lose him in the gym, I know to check at the water fountains first.

He has not yet figured out how to push the lever and drink from the fountain, at the same time as splashing in the water near the drain. I suppose it is difficult to drink and splash at the same time.

The First Step is a Leap of Faith...

I received a little surprise in the mail on Friday. It was a letter reminding me that it is time to call the Children's Heart Clinic to schedule Jersey #2's next cardiology evaluation.

I stopped in my tracks. Took a deep breath. And thought, Really? Is it time to be thinking about this already?

I looked at the calendar on the kitchen wall as if I have been missing the passing of time. January is now over. I knew that she would have her next evaluation in late March or early April. I also know that the clinic is very busy, and likes to schedule in advance. Scheduling is only the first step. I also have to contact her pediatrician to get a referral sent over. Yes, indeed, it is time to be thinking about that if everything is going to flow properly.

I didn't want to think about it, so I left the notice on the counter and ignored it all weekend.

I'm not ready.

I know that this is the first step this year toward surgery. The instructions we were given by the cardiologist were to try to stay out of the hospital all winter (meaning stay healthy and away from the germs), and then visit her again in the Spring. It is that clinic visit that will get all the surgery preparation gears turning. The surgery date could be as early as 4-6 weeks following that clinic visit. Scheduling that clinic appointment is the first step.

I'm not ready.

That first step is a giant leap of faith for me.

I'm starting to panic. I'm continuing to pray. I'm ready to cry. I'm not ready. I'm scared.

A friend innocently asked at church yesterday if we had a surgery date. I immediately blurted out my confession about setting aside the reminder notice and putting it off due to my own insecurities. Pastor's sermon had been convicting my heart, so I was already a little hyped up on the subject.

There are two pieces of Pastor's sermon that won't leave my mind. The first is the concept of waiting on God's timing. I've always struggled with wanting to plan and be in control. This surgery time line has been a huge time of growth for me to wait. To let go, and let God handle it. The second part that struck me so intensely was his description of eagles. The image of a mother eagle nudging her baby bird out of the nest to teach it to fly, and then flying below it to guide it as it learns. I know God will hold me in the palm of his hands and guide me through this. But, first, I must obey by stepping out on faith.

I've been using my fearful energy to budget for the upcoming travel and treatment expenses. No matter how many times I go over the numbers, I just can't seem to get our savings account far enough ahead to cover it all. Somehow, I comforted myself with the idea that I won't have to worry about the surgery until the finances are in place. Once again, I see that I am still trying to do this in my own might.

Well, God has the funding worked out too. Our church blessed us with the offer to cover our airfare. They also plan to take up a love offering one month, to help with some of the other travel expenses. I am still in shock over this announcement. It is certainly an answer to prayer. God gave me a big nudge toward the edge of the nest last night, while I was working on our income tax return. It turns out that our refund is over twice what I was expecting (I am no CPA, that is for sure!) The amount will cover all of our projected out-of-pocket medical expenses for her care, that are not covered by our insurance! I am seeing firsthand that when we are faithful to God with our finances, He certainly supplies all our needs.

I am all out of excuses now. It is time to take a great leap of faith. It is time to step out of nest...out of my comfort zone...and plummet into the unknown.

It is time to call the clinic and schedule that cardiac evaluation. Everything is going according to God's plans. He knows what the future will bring. I know that his hands will be guiding me through it all.

But, I must take the first step. Step out on Faith...

Rest

I am in the midst of a personal Bible study about rest. It has come to my attention that I am in strict violation of the fourth of the 10 commandments. In Exodus 20:8 God gives His people clear instructions to Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Verse 9 goes further to explain that work is to be done for 6 days. Verse 10 declares But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work. Verse 11 explains how God set the example Himself, by creating the heaven and the earth, and all that is in it, in 6 days. He rested on the 7^th day. He blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

I am well aware that even the most sincere Christians disagree about which day of the week is the day that we are suppose to rest. Some argue it is Saturday. Some argue for Sunday. This particular disagreement is present even in my church family.

I have watched folks get so caught up in this debate that they start to lose sight of other aspects of their faith. They become very involved in their religious rituals. When they reach the point of judgment of others, they tend to leave the church all wrapped up in their self-righteousness, completely ignoring the fact that they just broke a covenant relationship with their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Those are not the Christian folks I look to for guidance.

I am completely blessed by the members of my church family who are able to present the depth of their sabbath study in a loving and respectful manner. They discuss thoroughly and disagree adamantly, and are still friends when the day is over. Little do they know, it is not just the details of their beliefs on the topic that catch my attention, but it is also the way that they live out their beliefs. It is one thing to speak your faith. It is another to live it.

I have friends who participate in traditional Jewish observances of the Sabbath, sundown Friday night through sundown Saturday night. I have friends who set aside Sunday and focus on prayer, worship, napping, and relaxing time with their family. Romans 14:5 shows me that it is a matter of conviction, One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind. We are warned in verse 13 to not judge one another about it.

My current conviction is not about Saturday vs Sunday sabbath. Sabbath means rest. I do not rest. Not on Saturday. Not on Sunday. Not at all. I am violating the sabbath, no matter what day I pick.

I drop into bed exhausted every night. If I take a nap it is because I am so physically and/or emotionally exhausted that I am starting to get ill, or I can barely function anymore. When I wake up, I hit the ground running, trying to complete chores much faster since I “wasted” so much time sleeping. I stopped vegging out in front of the television over 2 years ago. I couldn’t even tell you what programs are on TV anymore. Even reading a book has reduced to a study about something specific. Instead of spending the time on the phone with friends and family, I send a quick email or make a comment on Facebook. If I sit and watch a movie, it is usually because I am holding and comforting a sick, clingy child, or I am forcing myself to spend time with my husband, who likes to watch movies. Most of the time I am also writing a to-do list or a grocery list. I haven’t even taken the time to enjoy scrapbooking in well over a year now.

My husband has tried to get me to understand a need for rest. He does not like to join me in household projects, because he says the project is never complete. I am always adding to the list, trying to fit in much more than is humanly possible for one day. My lists are never done. There is no end to the work, in order to begin to rest.

God has my attention now! I am seeing the error in my ways. He used the same method that convicted me to leave my career and be home to raise my children. Jersey #2’s medical condition turned my heart towards home, because she needed my care. Her recent decline in energy made me realize her need for more rest. As I have carefully reduced our schedule and commitments, I am seeing the benefits of rest across our entire family. Now, I realize that rest is a much bigger issue than I ever considered. It’s one of the 10 commandments, for crying out loud!

The Laws of the Old Testament are filled with wisdom for healthy living. Even secular self-help books reference the need for rest, in order to renew our strength, rejuvenate, and refresh, (they just don’t credit God for the idea). Our bodies heal and mend when we rest. Biblical wisdom stands the test of time.

Clearly, it is time for me to remember the sabbath and keep it holy.

Food & Finances Friday--Work

There seems to be two logical methods to eliminating debt---reduce spending and/or increase income. We have been working on both. We have been cutting our expenses left and right, getting our family budget down to the bare-bones necessities for living. We are learning a lot about wants versus needs. It has been highly educational in that sense.

Plus, we are also taking on side jobs and odd jobs as income opportunities arise. My husband has a great job that is steady, stable, and provides both income and insurance benefits. We are blessed. Unfortunately, there is no opportunity for overtime pay right now. So, we have been keeping our eyes open for other income sources.

I took on a babysitting job, 3 days a week, caring for the daughter of a friend, so that she could return to work. I'm actually enjoying having an additional kid in the house, which raises my hopes even more that adoption could someday be in our future. (Adoption is one of my life's dreams).

My husband signed up for the basketball incentive program, agreeing to referee 8 basketball games in order to receive half of the registration fee in return. Since we have two daughters playing basketball, if he referees 16 games, he will get reimbursed the cost of one entire registration fee. He is already over half-way there. He spends 2-3 hours running up and down a basketball court on Saturday mornings, but he jokes that it doubles as a cardio workout routine as well.

I was called to jury duty, which pays minimum wage any time I have to show up.

My husband agreed to be a taxi/shuttle driver for a friend's business. He picks up people from the airport and drives them to various tourist locations in nearby towns. For the most part, he shuttles on weekends, but there are a few late-night week day runs. He earns a commission, plus tips. He jokes that tips are better for this job than when he delivered pizza as a job in college.....saying that folks tip better when you are delivering them!

When we first shredded the credit cards and made the commitment to live debt-free, 6 months ago, we planned to seek such additional income as a means for paying off debt faster. It has been a huge reality check for us to have to use this "extra" income to pay for all of the "extra" medical and dental bills. It is real easy for us to see how we've acquired such a debt load in the first place. We had been budgeting very little towards medical, and putting all such expenses on the credit card. That is a recipe for debt accumulation for sure!

Now that our eyes are open to our medical expense reality, we've restructured the budget to cover those costs. It took a few months to get it all figured out, so all of our "extra" income went to those expenses until the budget caught up to the need. This month, things look like they have stabilized. We have not been adding any new debt, so the principal has been going down (even if it is much slower than we had hoped). It looks like the budget guidelines are anticipating the necessary amount of health-related expenses now, and those numbers are working so far.

So, I am really, really hoping that the kinks are worked out and our "extra" incomes can start tackling the debt at a snowball rate, versus the current snowflake rate!

"Grand" Jury Duty

My juror number came up again, so I had to report to the courthouse first thing Wednesday morning. I had such a pleasant experience this time. It is a relief to see that my number should only come up once every 3 weeks or so. It was a good day to report, as my husband was able to shift his work schedule to be able to be home with the kids all day. I packed myself a sandwich for lunch and a book. I've been to the courthouse enough now that I've learned my way around a little. I had no problem finding the correct parking lot this time. I went through security like a pro.

I arrived in the juror room with plenty of time to spare. It was hurry up and wait at that point. We were waiting to see how many folks showed up to the regular panels. We were waiting to see how many alternates showed up liked they were called to do. We were waiting for the court schedule for the day, so we could make sure we did not know anyone who would be a target or a witness. Traffic jams and computer issues yielded a bit of a delay.

When all of the pieces were finally in place, the juror coordinator announced that she needed 4 alternates to join the regular panels. I volunteered this time. I checked the schedule and confirmed that I knew no one on the list. I was escorted into the grand jury room. The jury coordinator introduced the alternates to the regular panel. Everyone was real friendly. This panel of jurors has been working together all month. They knew each other on a friendly basis and they knew the routine. They filled us in real quick and things got started.

Grand jury listens to the DA (District Attorney) announce the case and all the charges they are bringing forward for that case. Then, they bring in the police officer who handled the case, and any pertinent witnesses, so that they can give their statement of what happened. The jurors are allowed to ask questions of the DA, of the officers, and of the witnesses, to make sure we fully understand the data they are using to justify the desired charges.

It is the grand jury's job to determine if there is enough probable cause for the charges. We do not have to decide guilt or innocence. Therefor, we do not hear all of the evidence of each case. Grand jury is an early step in the judicial process, well before a case sees a trial jury.

The morning was filled with case after case, with very little rest in between. After the case is presented and the witness is heard, the grand jury meets in secret. The DA, the witness, and the court reporter all leave the room. They are very strict to mention when conversation is on the record and when it is off the record. The grand jury discusses the information and its relevance to the proposed charges. The foreman reads each charge individually, and we vote on each and every one. Most of the cases were well defined and very clear. The DA and court reporter is called back into the room, and we return the indictment. That DA leaves, and a new DA arrives with the next case.

I enjoyed learning about this judicial process for the most part. I could handle the drug cases just fine. But, the child abuse cases churned my stomach. Thankfully, none of the day's charges were horrifying, or else I might have puked. I grew pale and ill as it was. I cannot handle harm to children. I know for certain, that I could not be a juror in a child abuse trial....there is just no way for me to be unbiased when vomiting. I was real impressed with the officer who was on the child victims unit. It is good to know we've got such heroes protecting children.

I'm sure this is no statistical surprise, but I was rather amazed by how many times drugs and alcohol are involved when crimes are committed. I am also a bit stunned to hear that people will attempt to swallow street drugs before they can be caught with them. That seems hazardous to the digestive system, especially if the drugs are being stored in a plastic bag. Apparently I do not get out enough, because one officer had to stifle a laugh when he saw my jaw drop as I was listening to his witness account! It seems to me that it would be so simple to test the substance swallowed for proof positive of what it is, yet that is not done very often because it requires a warrant. A swab of the mouth requires a warrant......and the rest of us pay good money to get the doctor to swab our throats to prove we are sick!

I understand that these rules and regulations are in place to make certain that innocent people are not wrongly punished. It is just seems that the judicial system is a bit more inefficient than necessary, and some unknowns could easily be answered.

I was pleasantly surprised to learn that we were being dismissed at lunch time for the rest of the day. The panel I was working with had a late day the day before, so they were given the shorter schedule this time.

So, I reported for jury duty, worked a half-day, and received full credit for my participation. It was a "grand" jury day indeed!

Toddlers

So where do YOU like to eat your carrots?

Contrary to what these photos may imply, we do not normally eat our snacks sitting in a laundry basket, in the master bedroom. (Actually, we have a house rule that there is no eating in the bedrooms at all).

Toddlers crack me up. I don't know where they come up with such ideas. I don't think I have ever looked at a laundry basket and thought, "Now that looks like a good place to eat!"

Turn Up The Heat

Our furnace has been acting funny. It has been running and running all night long (something that I actually like, because the sound of moving air helps the kids sleep better). Unfortunately, the temperature of the house has not reflected the amount the furnace has been running.

Over the weekend, we woke up to a cold house, registering 64 degrees, with the furnace continually running. Monday morning it was 61 degrees. The furnace is only 2-3 years old.

My heating solution was to boil a pot of water on the stove, with orange slices and cinnamon in the water to bring about a good smell and moisture in the air. Moisture helps stabilize temperature. Then, I started up the laundry. Running the washer and dryer adds warmth to the house. I put a chicken in the crock pot. I opened up the window shades to let the sunshine in.

A couple hours later, the temperature in the house had only reached 63 degrees, and the furnace was still running non-stop. Our son was wearing his coat. I put a roast in the oven to cook all day. Running the oven all day helps warm up the house. The house certainly smelled good.

My husband came home on his lunch break (after receiving an email from his VERY irritated wife about the state of cold in our house). He chose to ignore the problem while he was home on Sunday. Actually, he has ignored the growing problem for nearly a month now. He finally wised up to the fact that I was completely out of patience and understanding.

He took 15 minutes to run to the hardware store, and 2 minutes to replace the furnace filter. Hot air gushed out of the vents immediately.

It has certainly taken me longer than those 17 minutes to forgive him. He knew about the problem. He knew the most logical solution. He just didn't bother to take care of it.

Now that I am aware of the solution, I think I am going to stock up on furnace filters. The next time the filter needs to be replaced, I will I hang one in his closet, and serve him one for dinner, and see if that inspires him to take care of the problem much sooner!

Cheer!

Two--Four--Six--Eight....

I have been amusing myself with the way that the ages of my kids sound like the beginning of a cheer. This will only last a couple months, before those numbers change some more.

Here we go.....



TWO...

FOUR...

SIX...

EIGHT...

....and ONE....

Oops! Those numbers don't exactly work out for a cheer. I wasn't ever a cheerleader anyway. I am still amused.

Two, Four, Six, Eight......and One!

Triggers of Grief

Yesterday was a challenging day because it was filled with some emotions of grief.

Psychologists have defined an entire grief cycle that people go through. They say everyone goes through the cycle, only at different paces. Some folks go round and round many times. Some gets stuck in one category or another, for a while. It is all very interesting in a cerebral sense.

From an emotional perspective, I have found that my Mom's advice holds the truest for me. Early on after the death of my daughter, Mom mentioned that the intense, pain of the grief will lessen over time so that is does not feel as overwhelming. But, she cautioned, there will be triggers throughout life that will take me right back to the moment as if it just happened. Those triggers often arrive out of the blue, and the depth of the emotion often makes me gasp.

My morning started with a funeral. An elderly member of our church passed away this week. She left behind the sweetest, most committed husband I have ever seen. Our family wanted to show our love and support to him, so my husband took the morning off work, and our entire family attended the funeral. I spent the day before attempting to prepare the children for what to expect. They have been to 1 other funeral, over a year ago, but they hardly remembered the details. We talked about the service and how they had to be even quieter than they are in church. We talked about how it is Ok to cry when you see someone else cry (Jersey #1 is very sensitive to that, just like her Mom). We talked about comforting others who are grieving. I was not as prepared for Jersey #3's large interest in the casket, and if the person was actually in there. I did give him the opportunity to go up close and see. We talked briefly about the purpose of the casket, and why the woman was wearing her jewelry. I am amused by the details that children question. I moved the kids onward toward the family, and emphasized our role to offer comfort.

I was just amazed by how well the kids conducted themselves. My husband complimented me on the way I managed them. He feels stressed in such tense social situations. We chatted about my decision to include the children when our family attends funerals of friends. Some folks argue that it is not appropriate and might scare the children. I think those concerns are valid objections. I take the approach that death is a natural part of life, and as a mother, I want to prepare my children for all the aspects of life that I possibly can. I am hoping that I can help my children see how to express grief and sadness, and how to comfort those who mourn. So, I include them when the funeral is for a friend of the family.

I was not suprised when their questions afterwards turned toward our experiences with the loss of our daughter, Mackenzie. The children asked if we had a funeral and if she was in a casket. I gave them a brief explanation about how we did not fully understand the purpose of a funeral at the time of her death, so we did not have one. I also explained that I had not considered our town to be "home" at the time, so we did not bury her. I still have her ashes in my possession. I then explained to them that I would want to have a funeral if we had to face the death of a family member in the future. I shared with them that throughout life we are going to all have a loved one die. Some deaths are sudden and some are expected, but everyone dies eventually. The celebration of death is that we get to go to heaven and see Jesus, and live a perfect life in eternity! I reminded them of ways we can comfort others who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, such as attending the funeral, sending flowers, making cards, giving hugs, and taking over a meal. I informed them that the days eventually get easier to manage and it is important to remember that life is for the living. It is best to live life to the fullest, instead of dwelling on a loss. We ended the topic with the excitement of going out to lunch as a family, in celebration of Jersey #1's birthday.

Whew! That went well. I reflected over the morning, pleased that I had grown through the grief to the point of being able to teach the children. I've come a long way. Plus, lunch was fantastic!

But, later that afternoon, I was stunned to experience two emails that sent me to separate ends of my emotions. The first was an email inviting me to a baby shower of a friend. That seemed simple enough....Until I saw on the invitation that the couple is naming their daughter, McKenzie.

Whoa! That one caused my heart to skip a beat. I calmed myself and realized my reaction was entirely emotional and out of order. Their choice had nothing to do with me. It is a pretty name. I have also come across other girls named Mackenzie, and hearing their name does not halt my tracks anymore. I am not sure why reading that email had such an effect. Maybe it was because I was already so hyped up on death for the day. I chalked it off as a trigger and moved on.

The second email sent me into a joyous excitement. A friend announced that she is expecting again. This friend has 3 living children, but has buried 2 infants. (Her son's funeral was the one our family attended over a year ago). I am praying that she finds joy in life again, with the life of this little one growing inside her womb. I remember how my own grief was eased with the live birth of Jersey #1. I also remember the debilitating fear through that pregnancy. Her email certainly triggered a lot of memories of my own life experiences.

I took the time to send a reply email offering my congratulations and supporting her concerns. I let her know I would be praying for her. Comfort and support are such crucial gifts as we endure the hardships in life.

I am thinking that focusing on offering comfort to another, helps move me out of those grief-trigger halts that pop up out of the blue. It is not healthy to stop in my tracks and focus on past pains. I keep moving forward because life is for the living.

Food & Finances Friday--Doll Cake

I made my very first doll cake for Jersey #1's birthday. I am not sure what has taken me so long to try this. It was really easy, and a lot of fun. Years ago, I purchased a Pampered Chef batter bowl. I remember the sales rep mentioning that it was the perfect size for a doll cake, and the cake could bake right in the bowl. I finally tried it out this week.

It was very simple to mix up a boxed cake mix right into the batter bowl. The bowl went into the oven and the cake baked just fine. I had a little trouble with the cake sticking to the very bottom of the bowl, but that did not hinder the shape at all.

I used a doll right out my girls' room. I washed its body and wrapped the legs in plastic wrap. I added red dye to a can of vanilla frosting to frost the cake to look like a pink dress. I used frosting on the doll to create a bodice, instead of fussing with a clothing top. I am so pleased with the way it turned out.

I learned a few lessons the hard way. A single cake mix is not enough for a Barbie doll or a Princess doll. Those dolls are much taller, so 2 cake mixes would be required to make a bigger cake. Frosting shapes better when it is cool, and gets melty when it is warm. Setting the cake down into a layer of frosting might have put an end to the big gap between the cake and the aluminum foil surface.

I remember having a doll cake once when I was a kid. I think they are so cute. It is exciting to be able to make one for my daughter too. She loved it.

8 years old

Jersey #1 is 8 years old today! It just does not seem possible. She is growing up entirely too fast.

She is at a great age. She has been a fairly easy child to raise. She was an easy baby. She loved to eat, play, and cuddle. Since she was born skinny and in January, I am guessing she liked to be held partially just to keep warm. She was very alert in infancy, and remains so today. She is a detail person, and nothing gets past her. Her "terrible 2's" were a breeze. It was her 3's that startled me the most. My sweet toddler turned into an argumentative, sassy child in the weeks before turning 3. I remember asking, "why didn't anyone tell me about the 3s???" Looking back across the years, I see a pattern where she is more difficult every 3rd year, because age 3 was challenging, and so was age 6. (Maybe that will mean I get a break with her until age 9!)

Jersey #1 became a social butterfly at age 4, and that continues to this day. She enters a room and gravitates right toward the middle, or towards the largest group of girls. I loved her kindergarten year. I say kindergartners are my reward for all the work of the toddler and preschool training years! At age 5, Jersey #1 demonstrated helpfulness in addition to her independence. She learned to read, and opened the door to a wonderful hobby. The challenges of age 6 revolved around peer influence. Her interests, styles, and mannerisms changed based on the behavior of her friends. That was tough for me to swallow for a while. I had to learn when to limit friend interaction, and when to give her a little more space to develop her character. I also had to put a stop to some sassiness that resurfaced. Jersey #1 as a 7-year old was much like having a mother's helper all the time. She embraced her role as the oldest sibling. She calls herself, "Super Big Sister" and she takes the job seriously. She has been quick to recognize communication from her younger siblings, and quick to assist them. As a result, she basks in their smiles and seeing their faces light up when she enters the room. As she heads into age 8, I've noticed an increasing awareness and acceptance of her individuality. I pray she continues to develop that confidence in herself, so that she is not so strongly influenced by her peers.

Jersey #1 is a beautiful girl, both inside and out. She has the lightest blue eyes, and the friendliest smile. It is a blessing to be the mother of such a delightful daughter.