There are a ton of parenting styles that are labeled, categorized, and published in books. I do not fit a single one very well. Actually, I find it a bit absurd for any parent to line themselves up with a single author or method, as there is no way they are raising the same family to have the exact same needs to require the same methods. There are certainly general parenting goals that we all want to achieve.....but the way we get there depends a lot on the personalities of the children and their parents, and the priorities of the family as a unit.
The Referee and I have goals for our family that do not necessarily match those of our friends. There are some areas of life that we prioritize over others. We have had different experiences that shape who we are and what we value. Even looking at just our family, we have different methods of guiding each of our children. We did not receive cookie-cutter children. Some of them look alike, but they do not act alike. Each of our children has a unique personality, strengths and weaknesses, and a style all their own. We take their individual differences into account as we attempt to manage their behavior and shape their character.
Jersey #1 is a sensitive, compliant child. She aims to please. She makes parenting seem fairly simple. So if everyone would just parent their children the same way I parent Jersey #1, they would all have children who behave as well as Jersey #1, right?
Nope. I don't even have other children who behave as well as Jersey #1! So, it isn't just the parenting style that counts. Other factors enter the mix.
Jersey #2 is a very strong-willed child. I'm not just talking stubborn....I'm talking strong-willed. She is also very extroverted. She marches to the beat of her own drum, and she is the drummer! She brings the party every where she goes. I would be a fool to parent her the same way I parent Jersey #1, because she would dismiss me in a heartbeat. With Jersey #2, I have to establish with her that my will is much stronger than hers. I am in charge here. I do not want to squash her will....I want it to remain strong. She needs the strength of her will in order to overcome all of her cardiology health obstacles. She has to endure much more than the average child. I want to bend her will into cheerful submission. It may not be fair, but she has to face those medical challenges, like it or not. So, it is in her best interest if I teach her when to comply and when to stand her ground.
I have never had to train Jersey #3 to stay by my side and not run off. That is a non-issue for him. He was a clingy, insecure, introverted child from the beginning. So, I work with him to gain independence at his pace. He needs to learn how to step out of his comfort zone to achieve certain goals. At other times, it is fine to drop certain activities and hang out at home instead. There is no parenting method that will transform Jersey #3 into the likeness of Jersey #2. They are too different. Those differences are a good thing. On the same note, if a parent needs a leash to keep their active child within reach, it would be futile to look at my parenting style with Jersey #3 to learn how to teach a child to stay at your side. I can't take credit for the fact that he checks in with me regularly and seldom leaves my sight for any length of time. That is not a result of my parenting. That is his nature.
Jersey #4 is extremely strong willed....much like Jersey #2....only she is also introverted. It did not take Jersey #4 a full day to establish herself as the princess of the house from birth. She was convinced that the rest of us were her royal subjects, here to cater to her every complaint. It took me her first 15 months of life to convince her that if she is a princess, then I am the Queen! There are moments when Jersey #4 appears to be the sweetest, most compliant child on the face of the earth.....and then there are times when she digs in her heels, refuses to cooperate, and dares me to do something about it. Sometimes the battles are big. Sometimes they are small. Sometimes I anticipate a battle, and it is non existent. She keeps me on my toes.
Jersey #5 is quiet, friendly, and bullheaded. He does not run off....he quietly wanders off as his attention is captured. He is easy going.....until he isn't! When he wants his way, he wants his way, and he does not want to compromise. He is more physical than his siblings. He is also larger than they were at each age, in both height and mass. He is used to things moving out of his way as he barrels through. He is a tank. If something stands in his way and does not budge, he foolishly continues his attempt without changing course. He will throw the biggest fit, and does not redirect easily.
I can glean ideas and concepts from parenting books and parenting styles of others. But I have not found a way to line up all of my children to one specific method.
Instead of starting with a parenting style that sounds appealing, and then trying to force it upon my children.....I find it much easier to get to know my children as the unique individuals they are, and then adjust my methods to be effective with their personalities so that I achieve the results I am seeking.
The Referee and I have goals for our family that do not necessarily match those of our friends. There are some areas of life that we prioritize over others. We have had different experiences that shape who we are and what we value. Even looking at just our family, we have different methods of guiding each of our children. We did not receive cookie-cutter children. Some of them look alike, but they do not act alike. Each of our children has a unique personality, strengths and weaknesses, and a style all their own. We take their individual differences into account as we attempt to manage their behavior and shape their character.
Jersey #1 is a sensitive, compliant child. She aims to please. She makes parenting seem fairly simple. So if everyone would just parent their children the same way I parent Jersey #1, they would all have children who behave as well as Jersey #1, right?
Nope. I don't even have other children who behave as well as Jersey #1! So, it isn't just the parenting style that counts. Other factors enter the mix.
Jersey #2 is a very strong-willed child. I'm not just talking stubborn....I'm talking strong-willed. She is also very extroverted. She marches to the beat of her own drum, and she is the drummer! She brings the party every where she goes. I would be a fool to parent her the same way I parent Jersey #1, because she would dismiss me in a heartbeat. With Jersey #2, I have to establish with her that my will is much stronger than hers. I am in charge here. I do not want to squash her will....I want it to remain strong. She needs the strength of her will in order to overcome all of her cardiology health obstacles. She has to endure much more than the average child. I want to bend her will into cheerful submission. It may not be fair, but she has to face those medical challenges, like it or not. So, it is in her best interest if I teach her when to comply and when to stand her ground.
I have never had to train Jersey #3 to stay by my side and not run off. That is a non-issue for him. He was a clingy, insecure, introverted child from the beginning. So, I work with him to gain independence at his pace. He needs to learn how to step out of his comfort zone to achieve certain goals. At other times, it is fine to drop certain activities and hang out at home instead. There is no parenting method that will transform Jersey #3 into the likeness of Jersey #2. They are too different. Those differences are a good thing. On the same note, if a parent needs a leash to keep their active child within reach, it would be futile to look at my parenting style with Jersey #3 to learn how to teach a child to stay at your side. I can't take credit for the fact that he checks in with me regularly and seldom leaves my sight for any length of time. That is not a result of my parenting. That is his nature.
Jersey #4 is extremely strong willed....much like Jersey #2....only she is also introverted. It did not take Jersey #4 a full day to establish herself as the princess of the house from birth. She was convinced that the rest of us were her royal subjects, here to cater to her every complaint. It took me her first 15 months of life to convince her that if she is a princess, then I am the Queen! There are moments when Jersey #4 appears to be the sweetest, most compliant child on the face of the earth.....and then there are times when she digs in her heels, refuses to cooperate, and dares me to do something about it. Sometimes the battles are big. Sometimes they are small. Sometimes I anticipate a battle, and it is non existent. She keeps me on my toes.
Jersey #5 is quiet, friendly, and bullheaded. He does not run off....he quietly wanders off as his attention is captured. He is easy going.....until he isn't! When he wants his way, he wants his way, and he does not want to compromise. He is more physical than his siblings. He is also larger than they were at each age, in both height and mass. He is used to things moving out of his way as he barrels through. He is a tank. If something stands in his way and does not budge, he foolishly continues his attempt without changing course. He will throw the biggest fit, and does not redirect easily.
I can glean ideas and concepts from parenting books and parenting styles of others. But I have not found a way to line up all of my children to one specific method.
Instead of starting with a parenting style that sounds appealing, and then trying to force it upon my children.....I find it much easier to get to know my children as the unique individuals they are, and then adjust my methods to be effective with their personalities so that I achieve the results I am seeking.
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