Jersey #3

This Lil' Cowboy changed our life dramatically. For starters, he is a boy. Boys are just different than girls. As if that wasn't challenging enough, he is an extremely introverted child. He does not handle social situations well, especially new social situations. As if that was challenging enough, he was a VERY high maintenance infant. Very high maintenance. There is a reason that the largest age gap of our children comes after Jersey #3. Let's just say that our lifestyle was severely altered just to maintain the care of Jersey #3 as a baby, and we needed time to recover.

Jersey #3 shot into the world like a rocket. The medical term for that was "precipitous delivery." Apparently, there is great benefit to being squished through the birth canal at a moderate pace. We learned the hard way that blasting through the birth canal leads to "transitional issues." Jersey #3 started his life outside the womb, having a hard time adjusting to the new environment. That should have told us something about what it was going to be like raising this kid.

Jersey #3 lacked self soothing skills. He had none. Most babies will put their hand to their mouths, move around, rub their cheek against a blanket, suck a pacifier, or catch their attention on something they hear. Jersey #3 screamed hysterically instead. The only thing that kept him quiet was feeding him. He wanted to nurse 24 hours a day. He was not picky, though...he would be just as happy with a bottle in his mouth 24 hours a day. That was his idea of soothing. He became very fat, very fast. I'm not talking chubby baby, here, I'm talking milk fat!

Jersey #3 came out of the womb with stranger anxiety. He only wanted to be held by Mom or Dad for the entire first year of his life. Even as a newborn, when the ladies at church ran up to greet the new baby, Jersey #3 screamed hysterically if anyone else tried to hold him. We spent the first 2 months of his life taking turns holding him in our arms, feeding him...around the clock. The Referee still remembers what shows were on television in the wee hours of night, as he sat in the recliner feeding Jersey #3. With that level of nursing or pumping, I had an abundance of breastmilk. But, it took its toll on my body. I returned to my prepregnancy weight within 4 weeks postpartum. I threw out the idea of a balanced diet, and just ate to survive....steaks, hamburgers, and Mountain Dew. If I did not eat enough meat, I would physically shake.

I took Jersey #3 for his 2-month check-up and informed our beloved family doctor that he had given me a broken baby, and he needed to fix Jersey #3 immediately. Dr. S. almost laughed, but I was dead serious. I informed him that I had emailed every mommy friend I knew for ideas on how to manage the crazed eating, and the popular recommendation was to start cereal. I was giving the doctor that moment to fix this problem, or I was going to start trying every piece of advice I received, no matter how crazy it sounded. I had tested the amount of breastmilk Jersey #2 was eating...by pumping all his feedings for a 24 hour period....and he was drinking 52 ounces! At 2-months old!! It was madness!!! Dr. S took me very seriously and talked me down from the ledge. He then went on to explain that Jersey #3 lacked self-soothing skills. If we wanted to find peace again, we needed to teach him a way to soothe that did not involve eating. He started to suggest the cry-it-out method, but stopped as soon as I reminded him that Jersey #3 screams hysterically.....at a constant rate until milk is inserted in his mouth....and we already know he can go great lengths of time, and outlast us, because we had attempted car trips. (We actually became very agile at driving while holding a bottle in his mouth, to stop the screaming). And we were not about to endure another minute of screaming, because our nerves were shot! Besides, I was not convinced he has the ability to calm down on his own anyway. He seemed to be lacking something for that. Dr. S armed me with a list of suggestions. [Here we are 5 years later, and Dr. S brings up that visit just about every time we see him. It left a lasting impression. Dr. S says that I was as frazzled as parents with a colicky baby, only I didn't have a colicky baby. That was the closest similarity he could find. Jersey #3 was a unique one].

We chose teaching Jersey #3 to take a pacifier, and rocking him to sleep. Simultaneously. He was not originally a fan of the pacifier, but I put one in his mouth, pressed his face against my chest to hold the pacifier in, held him close, and rocked him in the recliner as fast and as steady as I could. I actually managed to get him to sleep that way the first night. (Granted, he only slept for 1.5 hours, but it was a start). We functioned with Jersey #3 swaddled to my chest, with a pacifier in his mouth, always rocking, swaying, or in motion. I "wore" him in a baby carrier most of the time, because that brought him comfort and also kept my hands free to keep a grip on my very active toddler, Jersey #2. Eventually, Jersey #3 accepted being in motion in the baby swing, with a pacifier in his mouth, which gave small bits of time to attempt to be human again. He continued to be a voracious eater, so Dr. S recommended I start cereal a little early (3.5 months old), because I had tried all of his other suggestions.

His appetite and his lack of sleep are mostly all I remember about Jersey #3's infancy. Even starting solids early was not enough for him. He acted as if pureed baby food was as filling as water. He skipped the size 1 jars entirely. When Jersey #3 was only 6 months old, I pureed all the components of our dinner for him....mashed potatoes, salisbury steak, corn, and gravy. The child smiled and cooed with every bite. It was the most content we had ever seen him. By the time he was 9 months old, he was eating portion sizes the same as his older sisters. Now, he out-eats all 3 of his sisters combined. I am not sure where he puts all that food, but he claims he is always hungry. He tells me everyday that I make the best lunch ever.

The theory that starting solids would help a baby sleep through the night did not work with Jersey #3. He did not sleep a full 8-hour stretch of night until he was 15 months old! He was a very light sleeper, in addition to wanting to eat throughout the night. He finally grew into the schedule of sleeping 10-12 hours a night, and taking an afternoon nap, by the time he was age 2. That is a long time for parents to endure sleep deprivation. It is a good thing that he is so adorably cute, especially when he smiles. His chubby, dimpled smile made me melt, and helped me endure yet another day with my high-maintenance baby boy.

Jersey #3 took to a teen girl at our church from the first time he met her (almost 1 year old). We joke that she is his first love. She quickly became our beloved babysitter, because she was the only other person he would let care for him without hysterics. I had already dropped every activity I was doing that required Jersey #3 to be in the provided childcare nursery. He would become so hysterical if I tried to hand him over to other caregivers, that there was no point in me trying to do those activities. My child needed me more at that time. He was very insecure and needed more time with Mommy to develop his independence.

Jersey #3 was so challenging during infancy, that his "terrible 2's" were a breeze. He was a shy, clingy child, so he always stayed near me whenever we were out. He never wandered off. He was a dedicated napper. He took a nap every afternoon, no matter where we were. Even if we were at home, with a group of friends over for a playdate, Jersey #3 would leave the fun right after lunch, and go nap in his bed. He stuck to his own routine and schedule. He was happy that way.

When Jersey #3 turned 3 years old, we set the limit with him that he had to move up to the preschool-level gymnastics class, instead of the Mom-n-tot class. We had been taking the kids to this same gym since his birth, so he was very comfortable with the setting and the coaches. It was a good location to stretch him a bit. We knew he needed to learn to interact with other children, without the help of his Mom. He grew to love that gymnastics class, and the opportunity to run around with other rough-n-tumble boys his age. He kept a very close eye on me though, waving periodically to me to make sure I was still in the viewing area.

Jersey #3 has slowly-but-surely gained skills for coping in social settings. He took a while to warm up to his teachers at Awana, before he didn't need me there with him anymore. Now, he loves Awana and made his very first friend there. He is starting to talk and interact with kids at playgrounds and parks. He does well when he finds a boy who is playing a sport or riding a bike, since those are big interests for him. He was able to participate in a pre-K class with our homeschool co-op this past year. His teacher thought he was delightful. As he is approaching kindergarten this Fall, I am pleased with the way his social skills have matured and developed. It is hard for me to believe that my hysterically clingy baby boy is fully capable of interacting with peers in a classroom setting (without me) now. It also brings me great comfort to know that following my instinct on his insecurity needs when he was an infant/toddler....instead of forcing the issue of separation from me, as was recommended at the time...worked out so well to give him that extra time to develop.

Jersey #3 has some fun traits too. He is left-handed when he writes, but right-handed when he throws a ball. He has such good dexterity that he will play video games on the Wii with a controller in each hand....that way he can play both sides of a boxing match or a sword fight simultaneously. Jersey #3 has such an arm on him, that we had to ban him from throwing a ball in the house....even a soft, squishy ball....from the time he was 18 months old. He loves sports of all kinds. He has been asking to play football since he was 3. I am not even sure how he came to know what football was, but he is certain he needs to play it. He was finally old enough to play baseball this summer, and loves it. He is in the age group that normally uses a Tee to hit the ball, but he is able to hit from the coach's pitch, the first time each time he is at bat. Jersey #3 is genetically blessed with an athletic build, and the physical strength to go with it. I am amazed by the degree of his upper arm strength already.

One thing that I am still getting used to is this concept of Jersey #3 being "All Boy." If I understand correctly, this means that he finds dangerous activities to be inviting, and will risk life and limb to try them out, before thinking about the consequences. He seems to believe that most objects should become projectiles. He is very impulsive. And, he pays no attention to most of his stumbles and falls. He has already knocked out 3 of his teeth. I do not know what is he is doing with the knees to his jeans, but they are always gaping with holes. There is such a difference between raising boys and girls...with my girls I can take the time to teach and train them. With Jersey #3, I spend all of my time just trying to keep the boy alive!"

I actually questioned if Jersey #3 had the intelligence of his older sisters, or if he had knocked himself in the head one too many times. But in this past year, he has been demonstrating the same memorization skills as Jersey #1 and similar math skills as Jersey #2. He is learning to read along the expected progression of our phonics-based curriculum, and doing real well with that. So, I am looking forward to analyzing his learning style in the coming school year.

Jersey #3 has been a huge fan of Thomas the tank train engine for years. That is the toy that keeps on growing with him. He loves to build the track, drive the trains, and match up the story lines with the cartoon movies about Thomas. Jersey #3 says that when he grows up, he is going to be a train conductor.