It is almost time to put up a new calendar and ring in a new year. Friends & family have been sharing some of their reflections on the past year (and the past decade), and sharing their resolutions and goals for the year to come. I am usually right there with them. I love to flip a calendar to a new month. I love a fresh start. So, a new year is usually totally exciting for me.
This time, I am not caught up in the excitement of the new year. This time, I am stabilizing my footing, and bracing myself for the challenges that are getting ready to come my way. I don't have much of a clue as to what to expect. I am not even sure if I am equipped to handle it. It is completely out of my character to be this calm. Normally, I am a very sensitive, emotionally-driven person. I feel joys, I feel pains, I feel stress, I feel happiness, I feel life to the fullest. I don't usually fight the emotions, choosing instead, to ride the waves.
I still have those goals in mind and plans in place to become more physically and financially fit. I still have those areas of my life that I want to improve upon. The difference this time around is that those things are just not the dreams they once were. Those are matters of discipline.
I am facing a great challenge in the new year. My 6-year old daughter requiring open-heart surgery, shifts my focus away from resolutions, and onto readiness. I am no longer in dream mode. I am in discipline mode. This is new territory for me.
I have always said that it was a great blessing to me to have no clue about her heart defect during the pregnancy, or even at delivery. She was diagnosed the day after turning 2 months old, and her first open-heart surgery took place 3 weeks later. It is rather unusual that circumstances would happen so quickly, but it worked for me. I was in a shock-induced fog, and I liked it that way. I went through the motions, but didn't have much time to ponder and think.
This time around, the circumstances are VERY different. This time, I was given at least 6 months advanced notice of surgery. This time, I have a lot of time to ponder and think. This time, I do not have the luxury to hide out in a fog. This time, I have a 6-year old looking to me for guidance, support, comfort, and strength.
This time, I have peace.
I do not know what the outcome will be. I do not have much confidence that the medical prowess of the cardiology field is enough to harness the non-textbook style of my daughter. This time, I rest in the knowledge that I am giving her the best care possible in this world, but the results are up to God.
This New Year, it is not about my plans, it is about His plan.
God is working in my life. I grow through the trials. I bask in His blessings. This year, I know my focus needs to be on watching for where God is working, and joining Him there.
A resolution often dissipates after a month or two. The hand of God will carry me through the entire year, no matter what challenges I face. My job, is to remain in His hand.
This time, I am not caught up in the excitement of the new year. This time, I am stabilizing my footing, and bracing myself for the challenges that are getting ready to come my way. I don't have much of a clue as to what to expect. I am not even sure if I am equipped to handle it. It is completely out of my character to be this calm. Normally, I am a very sensitive, emotionally-driven person. I feel joys, I feel pains, I feel stress, I feel happiness, I feel life to the fullest. I don't usually fight the emotions, choosing instead, to ride the waves.
I still have those goals in mind and plans in place to become more physically and financially fit. I still have those areas of my life that I want to improve upon. The difference this time around is that those things are just not the dreams they once were. Those are matters of discipline.
I am facing a great challenge in the new year. My 6-year old daughter requiring open-heart surgery, shifts my focus away from resolutions, and onto readiness. I am no longer in dream mode. I am in discipline mode. This is new territory for me.
I have always said that it was a great blessing to me to have no clue about her heart defect during the pregnancy, or even at delivery. She was diagnosed the day after turning 2 months old, and her first open-heart surgery took place 3 weeks later. It is rather unusual that circumstances would happen so quickly, but it worked for me. I was in a shock-induced fog, and I liked it that way. I went through the motions, but didn't have much time to ponder and think.
This time around, the circumstances are VERY different. This time, I was given at least 6 months advanced notice of surgery. This time, I have a lot of time to ponder and think. This time, I do not have the luxury to hide out in a fog. This time, I have a 6-year old looking to me for guidance, support, comfort, and strength.
This time, I have peace.
I do not know what the outcome will be. I do not have much confidence that the medical prowess of the cardiology field is enough to harness the non-textbook style of my daughter. This time, I rest in the knowledge that I am giving her the best care possible in this world, but the results are up to God.
This New Year, it is not about my plans, it is about His plan.
God is working in my life. I grow through the trials. I bask in His blessings. This year, I know my focus needs to be on watching for where God is working, and joining Him there.
A resolution often dissipates after a month or two. The hand of God will carry me through the entire year, no matter what challenges I face. My job, is to remain in His hand.
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