Where's Mine?

We were driving down the road the other day, when I overheard my oldest 2 daughters having a conversation with one of their friends. They were talking about best friends, and each was trying to describe their best friend in a way that the other would know who they were talking about. Jersey #1 names a friend and describes her by saying, "she just got a new baby sister!"

I laughed at the way she described receiving a new baby into the family, as if her friend received a birthday or Christmas present. As if we could just buy one of those baby sisters at the store.

Last night, while the entire family was driving home together, the older 3 children were engaged in a conversation that included naming all of their friends and cousins who have recently been blessed with baby sisters or baby brothers, and those who will soon be blessed with babies in their families.

With a tone that implied she was feeling quite slighted, Jersey #1 demanded, "HEY! WHERE'S OUR NEW BABY?"

Cucumber Teeth

Jersey #3, lost another tooth this weekend. Our son. Our 4-year-old son. He is now missing 3 teeth. All are missing from the top front of his smile. This is SO not normal.

Normal would be a kindergarten/1st grade child losing a tooth. A 5 or 6 year old losing a first tooth. A bottom tooth. Bottom teeth first, along the same pattern that they grow in to begin with.

Normal would be a baby tooth being pushed out by the permanent tooth attempting to grow into its place. The baby tooth becomes loose, wiggles, and falls out. That is the way it is suppose to go.

Instead of normal, we get the experience of a 4-year-old boy wrecking on his bicycle last summer, and knocking his top front teeth loose. They could have firmed back up on their own. Should have. Would have. Could have.....IF he had left them alone. Instead, we have a son who just cannot stand the sensation of loose teeth in his mouth. His tongue wiggled them constantly. We would catch him wiggling them with his fingers while watching TV. Reminding him to leave his teeth alone has only delayed the inevitable. Over the course of the last 5 months, he has wiggled 3 of the original 4 loose teeth right out of his mouth.

Normal children would be self-conscious about their smile. The public comments, "Oh My! What happened to your teeth?" would be embarrassing. They would be concerned that their teeth did not look similar to their friends and peers.

Instead of the normal response, Jersey #3 is thrilled! He smiles for everyone and shows off his progress in wiggling out his teeth. He is proud of his bicycle story. He is proud of his smile. With only 1 top tooth in center remaining, he says that now he looks like Larry the Cucumber from Veggie Tales.

He ran immediately to dress up in the Larry Costume to show us.

There is a part of me that feels bad that my child will have this toothless smile for at least a couple years (because the permanent teeth on top do not grow in until around age 7). It is a little shocking to see so many missing teeth on such a young child, so he will continue to draw attention and comments. It is just not normal.

And then I look at that silly, toothless smile and it makes me smile. I see his eyes light up as he beams with pride, and I giggle. This is the child who humbles me. Just when I think I know what I am doing as a Mom, he throws me for a loop. He makes me question every priority I have. He brings me to my knees.....

Dear God, please give me the strength to raise this boy. Please give me the grace to not judge him as flawed. Please give me just a piece of his joy, so that I may see Larry the Cucumber in all the holes in my life!

I am blessed to be this child's Mom. God made him special...and He loves him very much!

Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

The inside of our home is decorated for Christmas. With 5 young children in the house, we tend to divert from the norm in our decorating style. We left off the lower third of the branches of the tree, left most of the breakable ornaments in storage, and opted to decorate the tree with more lights this year instead. The tree is definitely bright and colorful.

Excited children are a so much fun to be around. They are excited about every aspect of Christmas traditions. I had so much fun taking pictures of them having fun.

We started with the tree in the corner, and the kids dressed in festive shirts. Jersey #5 thought he might get hungry, so he is holding an apple in each hand...

Jersey #1 asked if she could hang the garland all by herself. She took such great care to do a good job. I figure in a few years, she will provide us with a tree worthy of a store window, instead of the modified-for-youngin's version that we use now.

A few years ago, a woman at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) meeting, suggested to the group that we display a kid-friendly nativity set, for the children to enjoy. We've got 2 now...a Veggie Tales version, and the Little People version. They are a HUGE hit.

Last year, Jersey #2 begged to take the Veggie Mary and Veggie baby Jesus to bed with her at night (promising to return them to the scene in the morning!) She cherished them and played with them constantly. I had to search her room when it was time to put away the Christmas decorations. One of her Christmas gifts this year is a plastic nativity set of her very own. I can hardly wait for her to open it!

I have no idea what this little elf is up to...

Santa Baby is still holding an apple. He simultaneously snacked and decorated (or pulled the contents out of the storage bins and threw them on the floor, as the case may be).

Our train conductor set up the M&Ms train.

Here is our professional decorator hard at work. She takes her job seriously...

Jersey #2, on the other hand, preferred to BE a Christmas tree...

Food & Finances Friday--Family Photo

I love photos. I enjoy taking pictures of the kids to capture their childhood. I love a nice family photo. I try to make a point to get a family photo at least once a year. I normally prefer to go to a photo studio for our family photo. This year, I decided to cut costs and improve the budget by having a friend take a picture of our family, and then ordering photo cards from one of the cheaper digital print places online.

To keep it simple, we all wore jeans. The girls wore red shirts and the boys wore blue shirts.

We stopped over at our friend's house on our way to a birthday party. It really helped with cooperation from the older children to know that if they posed and smiled well, the photo session would go quickly, and then we could move on to the fun birthday party!

Trying to get 7 people to face forward and smile pretty is quite a challenge. Our standard protocol is to tell everyone to face forward and smile, because as soon as the baby is facing forward, the photographer will snap the picture!

Babies have a way of disrupting a photo session.

Jersey #5 looks as though he has a headache from trying so hard to sit still. Jersey #4 is not amused!

I said face the camera and smile. So where is Jersey #4 facing?

Jersey #3 & Jersey #4 are distracted, so Jersey #5 tries to break out of formation!

And this is what happens when Mommy forces Jersey #5 to sit back down in my lap....

Yes, the photo session is over when the baby starts to tantrum!

When Babies Sleep

Children are such precious little angels when they are asleep. When I was pregnant with my first child, my Mom advised me to be sure to peek in on my kids every night, after they are asleep, in order to be renewed with joy from just how wonderful they were. She said that the stress of the most trying day of motherhood could be melted away by the angelic face of a sleeping child.

Sleeping babies have nearly become an obsession in the mommy-world. I'm pretty sure the question, "Is your baby sleeping through the night, yet?" is one of the most frequent questions a new Mom receives. Parenting books seem to be categorized by their method and location recommended for getting a baby to sleep. When Jersey #1 was a newborn, I made the mistake of reading 2 different parenting books that had exact opposite styles. At the time, I had no idea that there were so many "expert" classifications for raising kids. Instead of realizing they were different styles, I became a wreck trying figure out which was the best. I wanted to do everything perfectly, which is why I was studying such things in the first place.

One method had me panicking because Jersey #1 was not falling asleep on her own, in her crib when she was sleepy, but still awake. The book claimed I would ruin her sleep habits for life if I did not train her how to soothe herself to sleep right from the start. The other book criticized the use of a crib in the first place, or even the thought of putting the baby down at all. I tried to make sense of the opposing advice. I tried putting her down in her crib to fall asleep. She disliked the idea greatly. I refused to let her lay there and cry, as THAT concept was completely unnatural to me. I figured I would rather fail as a mother, and ruin her sleep habits for life, than to leave my newborn baby screaming alone in a crib, when it is my nature as a mother to bring comfort to my child.

I was not set on the family bed as our standard, either. Something was not settled for me with the co-sleeping concept.....are we talking temporary or permanent? It seemed to me that there would have to be a point when the child would leave the family bed. Surely, parents are not living in the dorms in order to co-sleep with their kids. College sounds like an extreme example, for sure, but my question was just when exactly does co-sleeping end? It seemed to me that at some point it would need to end, and the child would need to learn to sleep on their own. Since I wanted to do everything perfectly, I wanted to know when was the perfect time for a child to learn to sleep in their own bed, on their own.

I was a mess because my natural response ran contrary to the advice in both parenting books. I was essentially failing at two of the most popular parenting methods! My natural response was to hold my newborn in my arms, both night and day, and respond to all of her needs and wants. But, I also wanted her to develop healthy sleep habits, and eventually sleep in her own bed. One method explained that I would ruin her for life if I didn't sleep train her by 8 weeks old. The other method explained that I was heartless for wanting to "cage" her up alone in a crib at all. I was a double failure as a mother!

My husband shrugged off all of the parenting advice in any of the books, and said, "We do what works for us." I wish I would have had his response from the start. I certainly have it now.

Jersey #2 was a completely opposite baby than her sister. I decided that I would have felt much better about my parenting choices if I had been lucky enough to read the corresponding book for each child. Jersey #1 fit one method really well, Jersey #2 fit the other. I decided that those authors must have only dealt with kids that fit their style, or maybe they only had 1 kid, so they thought there was only 1 style. Jersey #1 enjoyed being strapped on to my body, and co-sleeping. Jersey #2 slept on her back, on her own, in her bassinet from the beginning. She was uncomfortable in bed with us....she wanted her space! My husband joked that I should write a parenting book, since I realize that not all children are the same!

Five kids later, and I still don't fit any of the popular parenting methods. I've learned to accept the "We do what works for us" approach instead. Since I am a scientist by nature, and not a parenting expert, I began to hypothesize and collect data about sleep habits. Then it hit me--Nature vs Nurture! Of course! It is the age-old debate. Do our habits come from genetics or from our environment? Well, the parenting methods I was reading were focusing on Nurture....how parents can create the environment that will help babies sleep. But, one of the things that I love about medicine/human biology is that both genetics and environmental influences play a part. The combination of influences creates so much variety in our lives. Even though our 5 children come from the same 2 parents, they have many differences in looks, personalities, and behaviors. So why would I ever believe that the same parenting method was going to work equally well with each of them?

I laugh at myself now, for even trying to find the perfect method for helping my babies develop healthy sleep habits. Considering how different my husband & I are with our own sleep habits, which one would I say was perfect? As a baby, I loved to sleep. My Mom has documented in my baby book that I slept 12 hours a night, and napped 4 hours during the day, napping until kindergarten! My husband, on the other hand, requires very little sleep, and has a hard time getting his mind to shut down long enough to get some rest. He likes to fall asleep with the television on, as background noise to take his mind off the thoughts in his head. His Mom recalls that he was the last to bed, and the first awake, and he gave up his nap way too soon!

It is no surprise that our children are a mixed combination of the two of us. Their sleep preferences are a mix as well. Jersey #1 takes after me the most. She likes her sleep. She also napped until she was 4 years old....and will still take a nap on random occasions. Jersey #2 is just like her Daddy. She is last to bed and the first awake. She gave up her nap before she was 2 years old. Jersey #3 required more assistance getting to sleep than his siblings. He lacked self-soothing skills from birth. We chose to teach him to take a pacifier, and to rock to sleep. He likes to have his head rubbed....he will put his head in my lap and lay across the pew at church, and falls asleep when I rub his head. When Jersey #3 was 2-3yrs old, he was a dedicated napper. He took a nap everyday after lunch, without fail. He would take himself to his bed and fall asleep. One day we had friends over to play, and he promptly left the group at nap time and put himself to bed...even though kids were there playing in his bedroom! (One of the Moms asked me HOW did I train him to do THAT...but the truth is that I didn't, it was just his style). Jersey #4 is a night owl. She likes to stay up late and sleep in late. She gave up the pacifier at 9 months old, and gave up her daily nap before she was 2. She currently naps 1 out of every 3 days. Jersey #5 loves to be rocked to sleep by his Daddy specifically. They have a routine of sitting in the recliner, watching a movie, and rocking to sleep. The Referee is often the first one to sleep! Jersey #5 has been so easy-going and naps daily regardless of location (even if it means falling asleep in a shopping cart). He will nap in the car, in the stroller, in my arms, in his bed, on the couch...motion gets the best of him...when he gets tired, he sleeps.

What works for us is to set the goal that each of the kids gets enough sleep to meet their physical need. We want them to be comfortable and relaxed in their own beds. We want them to learn to fall asleep on their own, and to return to sleep if they wake in the night. We want them to develop healthy sleep habits. Plus, I want to get some sleep too! Instead of following one of the popular parenting methods, I simply keep our sleep goals in mind for our kids, and then guide each of them towards those goals at their own pace....accepting that each child is different.

We have better results with rocking our babies to sleep, and training our toddlers to fall asleep on their own. When the kids stop enjoying rocking to sleep....when they start to wiggle and try to get down out of our laps....we know it is time to try a different bedtime routine. Jersey #1 used to enjoy watching Elmo on TV when she was a young toddler. We could dress her in her PJs and let her sit on the couch and watch an Elmo episode, and she would be fast asleep before it was over. We would carry her to her bed, and she would sleep 12 hours. Watching TV keeps Jersey #2 awake. She will stay up until the program is over. So, that method did not work for her. When Jersey #2 was a toddler, we started training the girls to fall asleep in their own beds at night. They shared a room. We started reading bedtime stories and letting them rest in bed and read. Reading books in bed is one of my favorite bedtime routines. The entire household is peaceful when the kids are in their own beds reading books until they fall asleep. The Referee still enjoys falling asleep while watching TV. So, when I am sick or needing some rest, he will let the kids watch a movie with him in the living room until they fall asleep, while I go to bed. Jersey #2 will watch the movie until she is tired, and then will join me in my bed, or go to her own bed to sleep.

Our family is also known for playing musical beds. We start out the night with everyone in their own beds.....and then we do whatever it takes to get sleep! We will sleep in the recliner to help elevate a congested child. We will turn the living room into an infirmary to watch the kids with fevers and vomiting. Our bed turns into a family bed when there are bad dreams, bedwetters who have soiled their own sheets (but they must put on a pull-up before sleeping in our bed), or any need for extra warmth or comfort. (Jersey #2 likes to sleep against my lower back when she is cold and having trouble maintaining her body heat).

Since we have siblings sharing bedrooms, we also make accomodations when one of the kids falls asleep before the others. There have been nights that we let Jersey #3 & Jersey #4 fall asleep on the couch, because their baby brother is already asleep in their bedroom. We carry them to their beds after they are asleep. When the children are going to bed at the same time, we leave the light on until they are asleep, or ask for it to be turned off.

What I really like about our "we do what works for us" method of sleep training our kids, is that it is so peaceful & relaxed, and everyone gets sleep. Healthy sleep habits should start with peaceful sleep. There is no crying. There are no trantrums. There are no punishments. There are full bellies (after a bedtime snack), comfort items (pacifiers, sippy cups, plush blankets), relaxing entertainment (rocking, movies, Leapsters, and reading books), companions (siblings sharing bedrooms eliminate the I'm-scared-to-be-alone struggle), and the comfort of knowing that Mom & Dad are always available when they need us.

Thankfully, I now have the experience to know that babies do not have to learn to fall asleep on their own by 3 months old. Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding a newborn much easier! A crib is not a cage. Placing my baby in a crib is a great way to keep them safe (especially when older siblings and pets are around). A baby swing and a recliner are great investments for times when baby is congested and needs to be elevated to breathe (breathing is a requirement of peaceful sleep). If I start the habit of rocking my baby to sleep, I will NOT be rocking them to sleep forever. Screaming is not a requirement for learning self-soothing or for learning healthy sleep habits. Some children (Jersey #2) do not sleep for a 12 hours stretch at any point in their life....10 hours at night is Ok too. Some children (Jersey #1) can sleep through a natural disaster without waking, but other children (Jersey #3) require a fan or other white noise to keep from waking too easily. Some children (Jersey #5) can sleep anywhere...including sitting in a shopping cart....but other children (Jersey #4) prefer to sleep at home.

I love sleep. I want it to be a positive thing for my children too.

Pale & Tired

We have often joked that Jersey #2 is the cutest face of heart disease...

She is cute. She was a very pretty baby girl right from birth, and she is a very pretty girl as she continues to grow up.

Lately, this pretty face has had me troubled. She has become so pale. She is showing some darkening under those big, blue eyes. Her little body is so skinny because her heart is working so hard she is having trouble holding onto calories.

Lately, she has been having trouble keeping up with her regular activities. She has been complaining of feeling tired. She takes breaks from playing to sit a few minutes. Even though I know this behavior is expected, due to her current cardiology status, it still catches me by surprise. Jersey #2 is normally our most active child. She loves to run and dance and play, It is hard to see her sit, tired, and sunken.

It is even harder to see her break down and cry. She has had a few episodes in the past month or so, where she has just started crying for no apparent reason. We run through the list of possibilities, asking her if she is sick, or hurting, if she is worried about something, or sad....but she responds that nothing is wrong, and she doesn't know why she is crying.

Well, last night, I had a rude awakening to the source of her tears. Her poor little body is just exhausted. She tries to keep going and can't. So, the tears flow.

Last night, The Referee and I were both battling that stomach bug the kids had a couple days ago. It hit us before dinner, giving us no time to cancel our evening activities. The Referee had his Tae Kwon Do class to teach. I had to take Jersey #1 to her basketball practice that runs at the same time. I'm the Team Mom, and I had the snack roster ready to bring to practice. The Referee sat during his TKD class and let his higher belts run the activities in his place. I strapped the youngest 2 kids into the double stroller and watched basketball practice with a plastic bag in reach. We were a mess.

When we got home, I went to bed and tried to not move, in an attempt to keep my stomach from exploding. The Referee relaxed in his recliner, and let the kids lay in the living room and watch movies until they fell asleep. That is not our typical bedtime routine, but we were desperate for rest. Jersey #2 chose to lay in bed with me, instead of watch movies. She was tired, and needed sleep. Movies keep her awake. She was so exhausted and tearful, that I kept asking her if she was going to puke. I was certain that she had to be sick too.

She kept assuring me that she was not sick to her stomach. She did not know what was wrong. She just kept telling me she was so tired. I cuddled with her and rubbed her back, and watched her closely. She had such a hard time falling asleep. She was so fitful during her sleep. She was whining and crying even in her sleep. And that is when it hit me that she is doing too much, and her little body just can't handle it right now. She is too exhausted.

That day I had taken the kids to the science museum. We were all good and tired by the time we returned home. After dinner, she participated in Tae Kwon Do class too. I finally saw the connection that the days when we have such large activities going on, she has a breakdown by bed time. This did not used to be a problem, but now she is having trouble keeping up.

After talking to The Referee about my observations, we decided that we will reduce our activites to only 1 per day. On days where we have more than 1 thing scheduled, we will drop something. I am going to work on adding more down time into our days as well. Jersey #2 gave up her nap as a toddler, but I wonder if a little quiet reading time after lunch might help her rest more.

In preparation for her upcoming surgery, I was already planning to reduce activities in general. I am not signing up for anything new. I didn't want her to feel like she was being punished by being removed from her activities in order to have surgery. So, I figured letting the current activites run to completion, and then not starting new ones would simplify our schedule by May. That alone is a big transition for our family, as the kids and I are involved in many, many activities and are accustomed to spending a lot of time with friends.

It looks like now is the time to reduce our activities much, much more. On the bright side, we've got an organized house now, so it might be nice to start spending a lot more time having fun at home. Being out of the public realm more should also cut down on germ exposure. We are trying to keep her healthy through the winter, so that she is strong enough to endure surgery in May.

The cold, hard reality is that if she tries to push her body beyond her heart's capacity, the body's response will be to pass out. I'm hoping to wise up real fast, now, before anything like that ever happens! No activity is worth that risk.

Puke Bugs

Yesterday was one of those wild-n-crazy days of Motherhood. Two of my children were sick with stomach bugs, taking turns vomiting about every half hour. Every time I turned around, I had a mess to clean up and a sick little one to comfort. I accomplished very little in terms of household management, but I certainly tripled the size of the laundry pile. Ugh.

I converted the living room into an infirmary. I worked with the kids to teach them how to go to the toilet to puke. I ran a lot of warm baths (which helped with cleaning up the kids, but also helped to distract them from repeatedly asking for more to drink when their tummies needed some rest).

Jersey #3 seemed much better after a half-day of rest.

Jersey #4, on the other hand, caused me much more concern. She continued to vomit over the course of 8 hours. She was very pale. Then, she started to run a low fever. She sent me researching how long she could go on before needing to see the doctor, and what were all the signs of dehydration in a 2-year old. Had she not started to improve by bed time, I would have been making a late-night call to Granny....who is the queen of handling kids and vomit! (I personally put her through the ringers with my allergy to Ragu spaghetti sauce when I was a kid....until we figured out what I was allergic to).

Thankfully, by bedtime, this little gal was able to hold down some very dilute apple juice...

Sick children can certainly get Mommy's adrenaline flowing! I am always so thankful (and exhausted) when they regain their health.

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

We spent the long weekend working on those tedious organizing projects around the house. Stacks of papers to be sorted and filed, piles of junk to be sorted and purged, along with toys everywhere! We have been working on the arrangement of the rooms of our house all year. it seems that as soon as we get down to the last room, the rest of them start to clutter up again. Anytime we leave a pile of clutter to be completed later, that clutter grows and grows and takes over.

We were so close to being done that I didn't want to lose steam. I came up with an idea that I thought was brilliant! We moved all of the piles of junk an clutter from every room of the house, and put them into the corner of the dining room. Considering the dining room only contains the table and chairs, it is easy to know what belongs and what does not belong there. We cleaned up every other room of the house first, before tackling that corner.

I told the family that we could not put up our Christmas tree until that corner was cleaned out....signifying the completion of the household organization.....because the tree goes in that corner. THAT was just the motivation we needed to work together to get the job done!

Well, I admit that we had not organized every part of the house. I was ignoring the cabinet under the kitchen sink. It was filled with cleaning supplies, paint, and other junk. This afternoon, we ended up clearing out that cabinet and purging the junk under the kitchen sink. It was not planned. I was trying to avoid it. But, alas, we had a leak under that kitchen sink, and the end of the faucet broke off and started giving us a shower every time we washed our hands.

So, on our way home from church, we stopped off at the hardware store and picked up a new faucet for the kitchen sink. Surely, replacing the faucet can't be THAT hard, right? (Especially considering we are not very handy folks in the first place).

According to the instructions (and according to The Referee), the hardest part is removing the old faucet....

Before he did that part, we purged all of the junk out from under the cabinet.

By the end of this long weekend, we completed the task of organizing the entire house, including under the kitchen sink...

Plus replacing the broken faucet... Plus, replacing the cold water supply hose, which turned out to be the source of the leak.

Food & Finances Friday--Black Friday

Wake Up, It's Time To S-H-O-P!!!

Black Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. A day filled with crazy discount deals and crazy shoppers. I am one of those crazy people who loves to get a good deal....loves to get up early and race through the stores...ignoring the fact that it the sun is not up, and the stores are filled with mobs of crazy people! Call me crazy!

As I have been trying to learn better money management habits through the years, I have had a strange love-hate relationship with shopping, even on Black Friday. I loved the adventure and excitement, and saving all kinds of money. Until later, when buyer's remorse would set in. At some point I would wise up to the fact that I was spending money, not saving money. I would have saved a lot more money if I would have just stayed out of the stores in the first place!

A little over a year ago, I decided to change course. I quit shopping. I stayed out of the stores as much as I could. I stopped looking at sales ads. I did most of the shopping for the kids birthdays online, where the numbers and totals were always in focus. I did not participate in the Black Friday fun last year. I hardly bought any toys, shoes, or clothes at all.

Instead, I filled my time purging the stuff out of our house. I purged clothes. I purged toys. I purged shoes. I filled bags and bags of clothes and passed them along to younger kids. I took inventory of what amount of clothes, shoes, and toys were actually used regularly. I reminded myself that we are greatly blessed with extended family who buy for the kids with every birthday, Christmas, and many holidays in-between.

Our children have grandparents who spoil them well. So, I did not need to budget for all of their clothes and shoes, as their grandparents and Aunts like to buy these things too. Instead, we are able to focus on specific clothing items, such as sports uniforms and Christmas/Easter dress clothes. We can focus on educational toys or items needed for a sport or activity that the kids are involved in.

It took me time to re-align my priorities away from the stuff.

This year, I am armed with a very strong, very organized Christmas shopping budget. Credit cards are not an option. I brainstormed gift ideas in advance. I listed my ideas out in columns on a spreadsheet. Each time I purchase an item on the list, I enter the total on the spreadsheet. This method is helping me to stay completely within the budgeted amount for each child. It is helping me to focus only on those items that the kids really want/need.

This year, I am enjoying shopping again. I look at sales ads and scan for the specific items on my list.....keeping any eye out for the best price I can find. This year, I set an alarm and woke up early to join the crowds of crazy people seeking Black Friday discounts.

I have had a blast shopping today! I am home now, just thrilled by how well I managed to buy some items on my list at such reduced sale prices. I had a good time being out in the crowds. I got some great deals. Most exciting of all, I stuck to my budget! Score!

An added bonus to my shopping fun today is that I found adorable Christmas dressy outfits for the kids, at Black Friday sale prices!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for. This year, we enjoyed a HUGE Thanksgiving feast at my sister's house. My parents, and my Granny joined us there too. The kids were so excited that they just could not sleep at all during the entire 3-hour car trip, even though we got them up a little earlier than usual to get on the road. We filled the day with food, fun, and family. Here are some of my favorite pictures from Thanksgiving Day 2009...

PawPaw surprised the kids by crawling under the trampoline and making it bounce from below while they were jumping on it! (Granny provided the reindeer ears (along with new shoes, and candy) that Jersey #3 wore all day long.)

We discovered that Jersey #5 is probably very close in weight to Jersey #4 now. He was only trailing her by 3 pounds in early October. He was able to hold her in the air while they teeter tottered together.

We hit the road again when the boys were too exhausted to visit anymore. Jersey #5 was asleep less than a minute after his seat belt was strapped....and before the rest of us could finish loading up. Both boys slept the entire trip home. Jersey #3 wore his reindeer ears whole time.

Walk Away The Stress

I have been very overwhelmed by the power of stress lately. Even though it does me no good to worry, I found myself caught up in a lot of "what ifs" regarding Jersey #2 enduring another open-heart surgery. My biggest fear is what if something goes wrong...fatally wrong....

It's been keeping me awake at night. My mind races constantly. My stomach is in knots, clenched, and churning. My muscles have been so tense, especially my shoulders and neck, which yield to headaches. Stress is very unhealthy.

Since I've been struggling to find peace of mind, I decided to tackle the physical symptoms physically. I dug out my aerobic style DVDs. Leslie Sansone has an entire Walk Away the Pounds in-home walking exercise program. I like her style, and have a few of her DVDs. I've always planned to use the DVDs to workout regularly, to increase fitness and lose weight. Needless to say, I have not been very consistent with that idea.

Desperate times call for drastic measures. This past week, I have been walking 2-3 miles a day with this DVD program. I tend to the kids first, and then inform them that I am starting my workout and will not be filling sippy cups or fixing snacks, or anything like that until I am done. They have been pretty cooperative so far, sometimes even joining me for a bit (until they get bored and run off to play). I workout for as much as I can physically stand, until I am ready to drop.

I have heard people say that exercise is invigorating and reduces stress. I am now a believer. I know that some folks enjoy working out. Some folks are so disciplined that they feel off their routine if they miss a workout. I have not been that way. I've been lazy.

Now, I understand that aerobic exercise gets the circulation flowing. It loosens tension in the muscles. It gets more oxygen to the brain, helping me feel more alert to face my life. My body relaxes after I make it sweat.

The best part for me right now is that sore muscles distract my brain. When my mind is racing with worry, it is immediately derailed when I make a movement that triggers soreness in my muscles. It could be as simple as reaching for something and feeling the "ooh, I didn't know I had that muscle" feeling. That soreness sensation distracts my brain from its what-ifs negative feedback loop, in an "ooh look, something shiny!" manner.

Exercise does not bring peace of mind. I know that the peace I need comes only from God. I've been on my knees in prayer, and in Bible study too. I'm a work in progress. But, I am thankful that I can temporarily distract my brain from all its worry, by pushing my muscles to new limits.

I've also learned that exercise does indeed aid in weight loss. What a fantastic side effect! My walk-away-the-stress program happens to walk-away-the-pounds too!

AWANA Grand Prix

It's Race Time!

Each Fall, the AWANA program hosts a pinewood derby, called the AWANA Grand Prix. It is a fun, competitive event that aims to get fathers involved with their children, and also involved in the AWANA program.

The competition consists of taking a pinewood block and cutting it and sanding it to shape it as desired. Weights must be added to get the car as close to 5 ounces as possible, without going over. The car kit comes with axels and "official" Awana Grand Prix wheels. I am pretty sure that the magic behind the whole competition is figuring out how to get those crazy wheels to work properly! Cars are painted and decorated as desired. There is a design competition as well as a speed competition. For the race portion, each car runs 4 races....once on each of 4 colored tracks (red, blue, green, & yellow--the official AWANA colors). The cars are awarded points based on which place they arrived for each race. Those points are added together and the highest total wins the competition.

This year was our family's 3rd year participating. We have no handy wood carving/car making skills whatsoever, so we learn a little more each year. The first year we participated, Jersey #1 entered a race car that never completed the race. After a few attempts, a wheel fell off completely! The 2nd year, our oldest 3 kids each entered a car. Our goal was to finish the race with the wheels intact. All of the cars took last place in all of their races, except for a 3rd place score once. We considered that a drastic improvement! The Referee actually had to drill out a bit of the wood block on Jersey #3's "train" car, because he had added so much paint, it took the car over the allowed weight limit!

Paint. Oh Joy! Our kids think that painting and decorating their cars is the most exciting part of the event. According to the rules, the clubber (the kid enrolled in AWANA) is suppose to do the sanding and the painting of their cars. Parents are allowed to help with the wood cutting and the wheels. It became quite clear to us that first year, that there were some cars that were never touched by a child! Some of the designs and paintings were quite gorgeous, and clearly the work of a very excited (competitive) parent.

Our family attends the workshop where folks with the tools and knowledge assist us in building the cars. Each year, we learn more and require less assistance. I am not sure how many years it will take before we are confident enough to buy some of the tools for our home! We have the kids pick out which design they would like for their cars, and the older kids help trace out their design in pencil on the wood block. The Referee cuts the cars into their shape with the help of the workshop tools and assistants. The kids sand their cars (very little, because they find that job to be quite boring).

I have the pleasure of supervising the painting part at home. This year, I felt brave enough to advance a little from washable paints applied with brushes, to spraypaint. We went outside in the afternoon and I attempted to teach each of the older 3 kids how to paint their car with spraypaint. They had a blast!

It just so happened that Jersey #4 was napping that afternoon, so I spraypainted her car instead. I am pretty sure that was for the best!

Even though spraypaint dries rather quickly, our kids thought it was torture to have to wait for the paint to dry before they could decorate their cars. I brought out stencils, markers, and stickers, and let each kids decorate their own car with their own sense of style.

I added their number stickers, and superglued the weights. The Referee pounded in the axels and attached the wheels. We did not let the kids touch their cars again until race day....because we learned the hard way last year that Jersey #3 likes collisions, which really deforms those crazy wheels!

Race day was a blast. Thankfully, all of the cars made it down the track with their wheels intact. We did not have fast cars, by any stretch of the imagination!

Much to our surprise, Jersey #1 won a trophy this year. Her race car took 1st place for design, in the "truck" category. It turns out that her red truck was the only truck entered in the Sparks division. The majority of her friends made pink or purple race cars this year (with princess or Hannah Montanna themes).

Jersey #1 made a red pick-up truck. She drew a Christmas tree on the truck bed, as if it were hauling a tree.

Not so young

I played volleyball tonight. I had so much fun. We were short players on the team, so we got a really, really good workout tonight! I was all over the place....digging, setting, twisting, turning, serving, jumping, reaching, blocking, hitting....well, I was trying to do those things, at least! I was having fun, feeling good, and laughing with my teammates.

It has only been about 5 hours, and already my muscles are yelling at me. I wonder if I will be able to get out of bed tomorrow.

I joined a women's intermediate volleyball team this Fall. The league holds games on weekend evenings, so I get a chance to get away and play while The Referee takes care of the kids. Until this Fall, I had not played competitive volleyball since my sophomore year of high school.

Tonight, my body is reminding me that I am not in high school anymore!

Food & Finances Friday--Switching Things Around

We've switched to a new insurance company. After spending/wasting all of the daylight hours given in one day, I managed to find us MUCH CHEAPER auto and homeowner's insurance. It all worked out nicely that the new insurance kicked in the day that the previous insurance ended. The new insurance company seemed excited to add us. The old insurance company was very casual about losing us. I thought they might ask why they were losing profit customers after 4 years. But, no, they didn't seem to care at all. Odd folks.

I took the insurance savings amount and moved it over to the medical expenses line item of our budget. It became quite clear, recently, that we needed to budget much more money for medical expenses. Of course, those bills are flowing in almost daily this month. I had a couple days of dreading checking the mail. I have to keep reminding myself that it was not always like this, and it won't always be like this....it's just the way we roll right now. The budget is adjusting.

In an attempt to plan savings for the upcoming surgery expenses, I asked The Referee to track down more details about our medical insurance. After paying our co-pay for office visits, we have an annual deductible to meet, before the insurance company will pay 90% of our medical costs. The remaining 10% is termed "co-insurance," which really means our out-of-pocket expense. Thankfully, there is a maximum co-insurance that we are responsible for in a given year. I am so grateful for this, because 10% of a quarter-to-a-half-million dollar open-heart surgery is A LOT of money!!!! I am so glad we do not have to pay that. Instead, we pay a maximum of $3000 in expenses classified in the "co-insurance" category. Whew! So, my next budgeting priority is saving up for co-insurance, along with the travel expenses, and post-surgery medication & frequent cardiology check-up expenses.

I'm confident that we can do this! We've completely turned our budgeting habits around in the past 4 months, so I am hoping that our efforts will continue to grow and improve. Time will tell....

Adventures of Potty Training

I am rather excited that Jersey #4 is potty trained now! She had a sudden boost of independence over the past two weeks, and started letting me know when she needed to potty. I like potty training independence! After she had an entire day of remaining dry and using her potty chair on her own, I started to see the light at the end of the potty train tunnel. I started encouraging her to use the toilet last week. As soon as she was comfortable with the toilet at home, I knew we were set to start going out in public (because she could use toilets in public, instead of preferring her potty chair). We both seem to have gained potty training confidence with our public outings over the weekend. Now, I hardly think twice about it. I've got a spare set of pants and underwear in the diaper bag, in case she has an accident. Otherwise, she is diaper-free all day long! Wahoo! (We still put in her in a diaper at night, as our kids sleep hard and do not wake to use the restroom on their own until around ages 4-6)

Jersey #4 had the most entertaining struggle while she was potty training. After she learned the concept, the process, and how to use her potty chair, she started to question if she really wanted to grow up like this. For 3 days in a row, she would use her potty chair once....we would high-5, praise, cheer, and reward with a few chocolate chips.....and then she would request a diaper. She would specifically tell me she wanted a "baby one," meaning a diaper, not a pink Princess Pull-up, like she had previously been using. She would not use her potty chair again for the rest of the day. She even had a couple moments of joking about using one of her brother's pacifiers. She was exploring life as a baby, before she decided it would be more fun to be a big girl. On the 4th day, she refused to use her potty chair at all. On the 5th day of this struggle, she decided she was a big girl, not to be confused with Jersey #5 who was clearly a baby! It was then that she started to use her potty chair every time, even if she was wearing a diaper or a Pull-up. It was then that I saw a glimpse of her strong will working to my advantage!

Here is our Jersey #4, who has decided to use the potty like a big girl...

She gained this independence an entire month earlier in age than her two older sisters (and a full year earlier than her older brother.) She has been our quickest, easiest, and cleanest potty training child by far!

Apparently, she made potty training look like a lot of fun, because Jersey #5 tried out the potty chair a few times himself... (yes, he is sitting on the potty chair while wearing a diaper)

But, I don't think he is quite ready to start potty training just yet....

Rest

Last night, I was finally able to rest. It was my first good night's sleep in 5 days.

This past week has been a struggle for me. The stress had consumed me. I was exhausted by dinner time, going to bed early with a headache, tossing and turning, startling awake repeatedly as my mind raced through the details of our life, and waking up with a headache. I was nauseous during most of the daylight hours. My shoulder and neck muscles were tense.

I tried to distract myself by going through the motions of my daily life. I tried to focus on fixing any physical needs I was lacking--making sure to eat regular meals, attempting to go to bed an hour early to gain more sleep, drinking more fluids in case the headaches were from dehydration, taking Tylenol and Motrin to curb the headaches, drinking caffeinated soda to try to curb the headaches, working out to an in-home walking DVD I have (trying to relax my muscles, and get my circulation flowing). The Referee massaged my shoulders and neck. He offered to tend to any children at night, so I could sleep. He even cleaned up the kitchen one night, and bought breakfast burritos the next morning (so we wouldn't dirty the kitchen again for a little while). In spite of all our efforts, the physical outcome of my stress continued to worsen. I was falling apart.

I turned to all my resources. I prayed. I talked to my husband. I prayed. I talked with my friends in Bible Study. I prayed. I made plans with friends. I talked to my husband some more. I prayed. For the first time in my life, I was not finding the words to articulate what was so wrong with me. I had no explanation. I was weary and felt like collapsing on the floor, in a puddle of tears.

Friday evening, I decided to just go to bed the minute The Referee returned home from work. I decided that I was just going to attempt to sleep the evening and the night away, and hope that the act of being in bed would help my body find the rest it desperately needed. I gave up trying to find a way to get my mind to stop racing. I climbed into bed and began to get cozy under the covers. Offering a casual thought as he was getting ready to leave the room, my husband gave me the solution to the problem that I did not realize I was struggling with.

He simply reminded me of the advice I once gave him (6 years ago). He said, "You know, there is really no way we are going to be able to prepare for tragedy. There is nothing we are going to be able to do now that will make it easier to deal with the tragedy if it happens."

So True.

Then he said, "You know, I was thinking that I'd like to spend more time making fun family memories during these next 6 months, instead of wasting the time waiting in fear."

I spent 2 hours laying in bed, letting his words seep around my head, destroying all my racing thoughts. My body was still tense, my heart was still heavy, my stomach was still knotted, but my thoughts were starting to clear.

Fun Family Memories

What a fantastic focus! It would be so much nicer to put all this restless energy into organizing fun things to do together, as a family. Together, making memories. That would be a much nicer way to spend these next 6 months while we wait for the surgery that is going to disrupt our way of life.

I jumped out of bed and met up with my family in the living room. After suggesting family movie night, we all loaded up in the van and ran to the store to pick up a cheese pizza and a couple DVD movies with Christmas themes. We added a bag of M&Ms for dessert. We stayed up late watching movies, munching on pizza & candy, cuddling together under blankets. It was fun!

By the time I returned to bed, I was beyond exhausted, but much happier. Unfortunately, I still did not sleep well. Since my head was much clearer, I was able to grasp what was still troubling me. I decided to get up and face it. I startled my husband by getting up at 4:30 am, but I was on a mission to face our reality. There were two stacks of papers piling up on the kitchen counter. Bills had been pouring in for the past 10 days. I had not even opened some of them. I was certain that I had built up the unknown to be much worse than necessary. I decided to get organized. I cleared off the table, moved the piles, and settled in and sorted. I made a stack of all of the insurance paperwork (knowing it is time to switch to a new insurance company). I made a stack of all the medical bills (knowing this was the payday that we would pay them in full). I made a stack of all of the coupons, flyers, and sales ads (knowing it is time to plan Christmas gifts to make certain we stay on budget). I was even able to throw out a stack of unnecessary paper trash.

By the time the family woke up, I had 3 neat, compact piles. I had a grasp on the medical bills, and they were not as a large as I had envisioned. The knot in my stomach was releasing. The Referee and I made a list of errands we each needed to run that day. We even planned a way to take a family photo for our Christmas cards! Already, my shoulder & neck muscles were starting to relax.

By lunch time, our family had completed a series of errands all around town, and were home together again. We ate lunch, bathed, and dressed in our matching shirts to take a family picture. Our afternoon was spent visiting friends...first to have a friend take our picture, followed by enjoying ourselves at 2 different birthday parties. My tensions were eased by all we accomplished. My energy was enhanced by all of that social interaction! (I'm an extrovert!) My belly was full from those great meals I did not have to prepare. My heart was full of the love of our friends, and the joy of having fun as a family! By the time we loaded back up into the van to return home, I was pleasantly exhausted and looking forward to some real sleep.

I went to bed an hour earlier than usual, and slept very well. My heart was filled with love and joy. My stomach had no trace of knots. My muscles relaxed and found rest. My mind completed the race and found rest. I thanked God for all His blessings in my life, especially for my husband...whose logical suggestion helped me find rest.

Miracle

This is where we were 6 years ago today...

Standing by her bedside, in the intensive care unit of a high-tech Children's hospital, praying that all of those machines, tubes, wires, and medications would sustain her life while we waited to see if surgery had been successful.

Our Jersey #2 endured a 6-hour long open-heart surgery. Her heart was stopped completely for 90 minutes, while a heart/lung machine attempted to simulate the actions of the heart to keep her body alive. The most amazing surgeon worked meticulously to re-arrange the plumbing of her heart, putting everything back where it belonged, and closing up holes that had been left open. Left untreated, her condition was fatal. The surgeon did his best to try to give her a chance at life.

She was only 2 months old.

I've enjoyed looking at these pictures many times through the years. They have always been images of our past. Proof of how far we've come. Her very life is a miracle.

I look at these pictures so differently today. Now, they are images of our future. A frightening experience we are about to repeat. Another 6 hour long open-heart surgery. Praying those machines, tubes, wires, and medications will sustain her life while we wait to see if surgery was successful....waiting to see if she will get another chance at life.

This is Jersey #2 today...

Her very life is a miracle.

A Handful

It appears, I've got my hands full...

At least that is what I keep hearing. Every time I am out in public with at least 3 to 5 of my children, someone....or many someones....makes the comment, "You've got your hands full."

I usually just smile and answer, "Yes I do!"

For the most part, people are just being friendly. They don't have anything original to say, but they don't appear to mean any harm by their comments. It appears to be the generally accepted statement to make when meeting a family with more than the recommended 2.1 children.

The comment actually bugs me.

It bugs me that I have to restrain myself from saying what I am actually thinking. What I would really like to answer is...


"Better full than empty!"


I would rather have my hands full raising a team of children, than to have the ache of empty arms. Been there. Done that. I've got the heart wounds to prove it.

There was a time in my life when I was a Mother, but I had no living children. That pain was more than I could handle. Death itself appeared to me to be an easier route, than living a life with an empty crib, and a broken heart.

When I was finally blessed with my first living child, I still felt like I was holding my breath, anticipating that her tiny life would be taken from me at any moment. That emotion was justified with the experiences of our 2nd living child's fragile heart. I did not exhale until our 3rd living child was born. With 3 living children, I started to relax. I started to breathe. I started to rationalize that the odds were quite low that I would ever be a Mother without any living children, ever again.

Better full than empty

Thankfully, with the arrival of our 4th living child, I was able to focus on the joys of motherhood, instead of the fear of empty arms. With the arrival of our 5th living child, I know that I am just truly blessed!

I've certainly got my hands full.
I prefer it that way!

Insurance Blanks

Just when I thought that we have dealt with the worst that the credit card companies and insurance companies had to offer, we receive the statement about our new home owners insurance premiums. Much like the automobile insurance (we have both with the same company), our homeowners insurance premiums are about to go up in price. The company included the same form letter, explaining their "insurance credit" scoring formula that supposedly somehow ties into our credit report. Only this time, they should have proofread their letter, because the first explanation of why our premiums are increasing was blank.

BLANK

They sent us a letter that says that our rate increase was due to the following reasons....and they gave 2 reasons.....

1)

Number 1 was completely blank!

2) Lack of Department/Furniture Store Credit Account Information

What? You have got to be kidding me! Are these people nuts? They can't even offer a primary reason for the rate increase. And, then they are complaining because we do not have credit cards at furniture stores or department stores?

How does this relate to our homeowner's insurance?

What happened to getting good rates because we are not arsonists, we haven't had to file any claims with them (thankfully), and our premiums are faithfully paid in full every year?

Ugh.

Ok, enough blog ranting. Time to shop around for a new insurance company.

May the Force Be With You...

We have a few Star Wars costumes in our dress-up clothes collection. The Referee is a big fan of Star Wars. He was thrilled when Jersey #1 decided to watch the entire collection of DVDs, (repeatedly) when she was sick with the flu.

That sparked an entire fashion show of Star Wars characters...(and Batman)...

Jedi Asuka...

Yoda...

Padme...

Princess Leia & Yoda...

Jedi Asuka

Padme....(ready for battle)....

Princess Leia's hair buns must be off their center of balance....

Baby Yoda...

See Me...You Cannot!

The Force is strong in this family.