My mind has been circling around and around on one topic lately: walking away. I have to make my peace with it, so that I can get some sleep tonight. So, I am going to try writing it out.
I really don't think walking away is the answer.
As a mother, I cringe at the popular child rearing advice to put a child in the crib and walk away.
This has been recommended as a way to sleep train an infant, or away to discipline a toddler. I've even heard that it is the "pediatrician-approved" method of handling a trantruming child in a grocery store. Just walk away and let them tantrum. Walk away and send a clear message that you do not approve of their behavior.
It sounds cruel to me.
I think it sends the message that love is conditional. That a mother will only love you and care for you when you are behaving a specific way.
I would much rather be in the throes of chaos with my children, teaching them, training them, disciplining them, and letting them know that I love them no matter what. I do not expect my kids to be perfect in order to get my attention and affection.
I want my kids to know that there is no mistake big enough to remove my love for them. I am here for the long haul.
I attribute this passion to my Christian world view. God's love is unconditional. He chastises us, punishes us, and lets us suffer the natural consequences of our actions, but He does not walk away from us.
We are known to walk away from Him, though. That seems to be a human response. It is even taught: walk away to calm down so that you do not over react in a tense situation. Sounds like good advice? It is certainly good advice to control our anger and not resort to violence. But, is walking away the only way to accomplish that self-control? Do we take this walking away concept too far? Do we walk away as a way to punish our loved ones?
I can't stand it when my husband walks away from an argument with me. He may be utilizing that advice about taking space to calm down. But, it always feels like he is walking away from our relationship. Walking away from his commitment. Removing his love from me.
Is that what a child feels when we leave them alone in their bed as a punishment for misbehavior?
Walking away from my children or walking away from my spouse seems to inappropriate to me, no matter what the trouble. But, I realize that it is easier to consider walking away as the relationship broadens.
Walking away from extended family due to a dispute is appropriate, right? We will just call that good boundaries.
Walking away from our church, after being hurt by a fellow church member is acceptable, right? We can just hop on over to a new church that hasn't offended us (yet). Or, if we have church hopped multiple times, maybe it is best to just walk away from church in general. They are all the same. Filled with people who misbehave.
What I am reminding myself of tonight, is that my love for others should be unconditional. It should not be based on their behavior. I should love them no matter what. That is the love of Christ. That is what is lacking in so many relationships.
Since I view walking away as body language for removing love, then I had better stay put. Be there for the long haul.
Stay. Love.
Don't Walk Away.
I really don't think walking away is the answer.
As a mother, I cringe at the popular child rearing advice to put a child in the crib and walk away.
This has been recommended as a way to sleep train an infant, or away to discipline a toddler. I've even heard that it is the "pediatrician-approved" method of handling a trantruming child in a grocery store. Just walk away and let them tantrum. Walk away and send a clear message that you do not approve of their behavior.
It sounds cruel to me.
I think it sends the message that love is conditional. That a mother will only love you and care for you when you are behaving a specific way.
I would much rather be in the throes of chaos with my children, teaching them, training them, disciplining them, and letting them know that I love them no matter what. I do not expect my kids to be perfect in order to get my attention and affection.
I want my kids to know that there is no mistake big enough to remove my love for them. I am here for the long haul.
I attribute this passion to my Christian world view. God's love is unconditional. He chastises us, punishes us, and lets us suffer the natural consequences of our actions, but He does not walk away from us.
We are known to walk away from Him, though. That seems to be a human response. It is even taught: walk away to calm down so that you do not over react in a tense situation. Sounds like good advice? It is certainly good advice to control our anger and not resort to violence. But, is walking away the only way to accomplish that self-control? Do we take this walking away concept too far? Do we walk away as a way to punish our loved ones?
I can't stand it when my husband walks away from an argument with me. He may be utilizing that advice about taking space to calm down. But, it always feels like he is walking away from our relationship. Walking away from his commitment. Removing his love from me.
Is that what a child feels when we leave them alone in their bed as a punishment for misbehavior?
Walking away from my children or walking away from my spouse seems to inappropriate to me, no matter what the trouble. But, I realize that it is easier to consider walking away as the relationship broadens.
Walking away from extended family due to a dispute is appropriate, right? We will just call that good boundaries.
Walking away from our church, after being hurt by a fellow church member is acceptable, right? We can just hop on over to a new church that hasn't offended us (yet). Or, if we have church hopped multiple times, maybe it is best to just walk away from church in general. They are all the same. Filled with people who misbehave.
What I am reminding myself of tonight, is that my love for others should be unconditional. It should not be based on their behavior. I should love them no matter what. That is the love of Christ. That is what is lacking in so many relationships.
Since I view walking away as body language for removing love, then I had better stay put. Be there for the long haul.
Stay. Love.
Don't Walk Away.
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