I am re-living so many experiences of motherhood...at a higher rate of speed....and at a stronger level of intensity, these days. Right now, Jersey #2 is putting me through a big push-n-pull. She needs me. She needs me not.
The kids all go through something like this in the younger ages. When they were breastfeeding, they would perk up as soon as I entered the room, regardless of who was holding them or playing with them at the time. As toddlers, they go through phases of preferring Mommy or preferring Daddy over the other parent....leaving my lap to go sit with The Referee....or crying to me when Daddy won't give them their way. Some of it is preferences over time, some of it is identifying with the same-gender parent, some of it is testing limits. I understand this part of their development, so I don't take it personal.
When it comes to behavior issues, I am careful to support The Referee's authority if he has set a limit with the children. We are a unified parenting team, especially in front of the children. I don't give them their way, just because they cried to me and acted like they preferred me instead. My self-esteem as a mother is not tied to their shows of favoritism.
At least it shouldn't be.
Even though I try hard to make sure I am responding to the children in ways that promote healthy behaviors, and healthy families...because I want what is best for them first....I still have my moments of flattery when the children prefer my comfort. I like being the Mom! When you are feeling crummy, you want your Mom. Moms have a way of making us feel better. Moms have magic kisses that heal boo-boos. Moms have smiles that raise our confidence. Moms still love us even at our worst moments. I am more than happy to give up sleep for over 2 days, because Jersey #2 wanted her Mom right next to her bedside when she was first out of surgery. She needed me. I love that I get to fill that role for my children. I love to hear my husband's reminders that "Boys always love their Moms."
It is great to be MOM!
Except when I have to back off and let them continue to grow and develop. That can be hard for me.
For 3 months now, Jersey #2 has been coming to our bed, to sleep next to me. This is not real common sleeping behavior for a 6-year old, considering our children have their own beds in our home. I did not discourage her one bit, because I knew she was dealing with the stress and anxiety of her upcoming surgery, and she just needed a little more comfort from Mom. I was happy to provide for that need. I did not make a big deal out of it. For the first few days after we returned home from her surgery, she continued to sleep next to me. I actually preferred this, because I was so exhausted, yet I wanted to listen to her breathe (and make sure she continued to do so). Then, out of the blue, she went to her own bed the other night. After 3 months of sleeping in bed with me, that behavior abruptly ended. I wasn't ready! I was liking getting to sleep to the sounds of her breathing. But, I know I need to support her independence. I would not want to train her to continue sleeping in bed with her Mom...that would not be in her best interest. It was never about me anyway. It was about her needs.
Sometimes my children need me to hold them closer. Sometimes they need me to relax my grip so they can expand their wings. One day, they will need me to let go so they can fly.
That is the hard part about being Mom. Sometimes I want to hold them close, and they want to spread their wings. Sometimes I wonder why they are not spreading their wings, but are clinging to my leg instead. It is challenging to figure out how to respond to each child at each moment. When do I nudge a little independence? When do I let them take a step backwards instead. When do I hold firm to the limits in place? When do I relax and extend a little more grace? Should I even feel flattered when they need me? Is it Ok to feel hurt when they don't?
Motherhood comes with a whole whirlwind of emotions as the children grow and develop. Sometimes I have to take the time to remind myself that Motherhood is a calling. I have a responsibility to these children, to love them, nurture them, and train them up in the way they should go. I should hold them close when they need more compassion, and celebrate when they are ready to soar. I should not put my own emotions and desires in the way of their growth.
It's not personal. It's motherhood.
Sometimes she needs me to help her through the challenge....
The kids all go through something like this in the younger ages. When they were breastfeeding, they would perk up as soon as I entered the room, regardless of who was holding them or playing with them at the time. As toddlers, they go through phases of preferring Mommy or preferring Daddy over the other parent....leaving my lap to go sit with The Referee....or crying to me when Daddy won't give them their way. Some of it is preferences over time, some of it is identifying with the same-gender parent, some of it is testing limits. I understand this part of their development, so I don't take it personal.
When it comes to behavior issues, I am careful to support The Referee's authority if he has set a limit with the children. We are a unified parenting team, especially in front of the children. I don't give them their way, just because they cried to me and acted like they preferred me instead. My self-esteem as a mother is not tied to their shows of favoritism.
At least it shouldn't be.
Even though I try hard to make sure I am responding to the children in ways that promote healthy behaviors, and healthy families...because I want what is best for them first....I still have my moments of flattery when the children prefer my comfort. I like being the Mom! When you are feeling crummy, you want your Mom. Moms have a way of making us feel better. Moms have magic kisses that heal boo-boos. Moms have smiles that raise our confidence. Moms still love us even at our worst moments. I am more than happy to give up sleep for over 2 days, because Jersey #2 wanted her Mom right next to her bedside when she was first out of surgery. She needed me. I love that I get to fill that role for my children. I love to hear my husband's reminders that "Boys always love their Moms."
It is great to be MOM!
Except when I have to back off and let them continue to grow and develop. That can be hard for me.
For 3 months now, Jersey #2 has been coming to our bed, to sleep next to me. This is not real common sleeping behavior for a 6-year old, considering our children have their own beds in our home. I did not discourage her one bit, because I knew she was dealing with the stress and anxiety of her upcoming surgery, and she just needed a little more comfort from Mom. I was happy to provide for that need. I did not make a big deal out of it. For the first few days after we returned home from her surgery, she continued to sleep next to me. I actually preferred this, because I was so exhausted, yet I wanted to listen to her breathe (and make sure she continued to do so). Then, out of the blue, she went to her own bed the other night. After 3 months of sleeping in bed with me, that behavior abruptly ended. I wasn't ready! I was liking getting to sleep to the sounds of her breathing. But, I know I need to support her independence. I would not want to train her to continue sleeping in bed with her Mom...that would not be in her best interest. It was never about me anyway. It was about her needs.
Sometimes my children need me to hold them closer. Sometimes they need me to relax my grip so they can expand their wings. One day, they will need me to let go so they can fly.
That is the hard part about being Mom. Sometimes I want to hold them close, and they want to spread their wings. Sometimes I wonder why they are not spreading their wings, but are clinging to my leg instead. It is challenging to figure out how to respond to each child at each moment. When do I nudge a little independence? When do I let them take a step backwards instead. When do I hold firm to the limits in place? When do I relax and extend a little more grace? Should I even feel flattered when they need me? Is it Ok to feel hurt when they don't?
Motherhood comes with a whole whirlwind of emotions as the children grow and develop. Sometimes I have to take the time to remind myself that Motherhood is a calling. I have a responsibility to these children, to love them, nurture them, and train them up in the way they should go. I should hold them close when they need more compassion, and celebrate when they are ready to soar. I should not put my own emotions and desires in the way of their growth.
It's not personal. It's motherhood.
Sometimes she needs me to help her through the challenge....
And sometimes she needs me to just step back and cheer her on...
I really think it is a challenge going from them needing you to not needing you to needing you again. AJU5 and AJU6 always have me guessing about how much they want me.
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