Food for Thought

After spending over 2 days in a hospital bed, hooked up to a variety of machines, Jersey #2 had to begin the work of regaining ability as she regained strength. She went from IV fluids...to drinking clear fluids...to eating again. She went from diapers...to bedpans...to a beside commode...to being able to use the actual restroom. She went from laying down...to sitting up...to standing...to walking. Even though she is 6 years old, it was a lot like getting to re-live those developmental milestones from when she was a baby.

Only, this time, those milestones were about her...not about me.

It sounds so silly to me now, but I used to place much more emphasis on those specific milestones than is even necessary. I would proudly announce when I chose to start my babies on cereal...and when and how I started fruits, vegetables, and other solid foods. I can still list the age each of my children were when they weaned from breastfeeding. I was proud of myself. Those milestones were about ME. They were about my mothering choices. I had a method that I thought was best, and I would announce it to others as if it was some sort of accomplishment.

As if everyone else should follow my style of mothering? Ridiculous!

In the hospital, each patient is treated as a separate case. There is a general trend that is followed, and guidelines for that trend. But each patient is not expected to be at the same level at the same time. The medical team knows that there are many more variables to be considered, big picture.

So why are mothering choices not treated the same way? The recommendation to begin solid foods between 4-6 months of age is actually just a guideline. So why are there debates about which time point is best? Each child is a separate case. And, there are many more variables other than age to be considered. Mothers should make those decisions about what is best for their own child, instead of following the "rules" set in place by their friends, authors of parenting books, or mothering boards on the internet.

In my experience, with my own 5 children, they did not all begin solid foods at the same age. There were more factors in effect than age, and each child is different. My priorities have changed so much, based on circumstances. I knew it all when I was a first-time Mom to Jersey #1. I was bold in voicing my feeding choices for her. I attempted to follow that same pattern with Jersey #2, and it did not work out as well. Jersey #2 had other obstacles to overcome....including surgery and taking a variety of medications starting at 2 months of age....so her feeding pattern was often disrupted. With Jersey #3, I started breaking the feeding "rules" out of necessity, and that is when I finally learned that each child truly is different and the same recommendations are really not going to fit everyone.

With Jersey #4 and Jersey #5, medical folks started asking me how I decided when to introduce solids, instead of quoting me the recommended guidelines. That is when I started to realize that the same medical community that is blamed for making the strict feeding rules that are found in the parenting debates, really aren't that strict. Feeding milestones are really just data to them. They process that data for that specific child/case. They offer suggestions based on recommendations, only if the outcome is straying away from their goal. It may sound like a law when parents are sitting in the exam room, during a well-child check-up, but it is really just background data for that case. Sometimes the advice is good, and sometimes it is not. That is for a parent to discern.

Parents really are in charge of making the nutritional decisions for their children. Parents should be the ones who know their own children better than anyone else. Therefore, they are the experts on their own children. Not the medical community. Not authors of parenting books. Not the mothering boards on the internet. Not other Mommy friends at the park. Those sources can be very convincing that their method is best for everyone. These decisions should be based on what is best for that child. It is not about the parent. It is not about me. It is about what is best for that child.


I could quote 101 reasons why breastfeeding is superior to a bottle (even a bottle of pumped breast milk)....and all of them would be irrelevant to the fact that Jersey #2 did not have the strength to nurse...or the freedom of pain-free movement to position at the breast...this first time out of bed following her first open-heart surgery. Did it matter she was getting bottle? No....all I really cared about at that time was that she was doing well enough to be in my arms again. In an instant, my priorities changed...

I could say that larger babies tend to want solids earlier, to help them feel content....or that solids helps pack on some pounds....but Jersey #2 initially thought solids were as yucky as her medicine, so she was not interested. Her medicine also caused her to drop weight, so we halted the cereal, weaned off that specific medication first, and pushed breast milk every chance we got, just to help her growth get back on track....before re-introducing cereal....

Even today, regardless of all of our attempts to help Jersey #2 hold onto calories, she is described medically as "well nourished, but very thin." Her heart is to blame. It was working so hard prior to surgery, that her metabolism was extremely high. When she hit growth spurts, her height would try to continue on its curve, but her weight kept dropping curves. We are hoping that she will be able to gain some weight, now that she has this new valve to ease the burden on her heart. It is difficult to be so thin that bones stick through her skin, because there is no barrier of protection from bumps and falls, so every little stumble hurts. We also wonder if her body is having this kind of trouble holding onto calories to grow properly, is her brain able to grow to its full potential?


It was a great milestone, 3 days after open-heart surgery, when Jersey #2 was able to sit up in bed and feed herself yogurt. She loves yogurt. She proudly announced that she could feed herself, instead of having me feed her. Did it matter what she was eating? No. It only mattered that she was feeling well enough to eat...

Jersey #2 entertained us all later that day when she ordered McDonalds for lunch. Our Pastor was coming to the hospital to visit her, and he called to ask if she wanted him to bring her anything to snack on. Jersey #2 asked for McDonalds fries and a chocolate shake. I had to ask the nurse if that was even allowed to be brought into the Cardiovascular ICU. I am certain that McDonalds is not a cardiology-approved food source. The nurse laughed and said, that the doctors did tell Jersey #2 that she could have ANYTHING that she wanted to eat, because they wanted her to move her bowels (to prove they were working fine and not damaged by surgery). The nurse joked that McDonalds food would certainly get things moving along....

It did motivate Jersey #2 to get moving out of bed and sitting into a chair to eat. Plus, I am pretty convinced that chocolate milkshakes have healing properties!