Last night, I was finally able to rest. It was my first good night's sleep in 5 days.
This past week has been a struggle for me. The stress had consumed me. I was exhausted by dinner time, going to bed early with a headache, tossing and turning, startling awake repeatedly as my mind raced through the details of our life, and waking up with a headache. I was nauseous during most of the daylight hours. My shoulder and neck muscles were tense.
I tried to distract myself by going through the motions of my daily life. I tried to focus on fixing any physical needs I was lacking--making sure to eat regular meals, attempting to go to bed an hour early to gain more sleep, drinking more fluids in case the headaches were from dehydration, taking Tylenol and Motrin to curb the headaches, drinking caffeinated soda to try to curb the headaches, working out to an in-home walking DVD I have (trying to relax my muscles, and get my circulation flowing). The Referee massaged my shoulders and neck. He offered to tend to any children at night, so I could sleep. He even cleaned up the kitchen one night, and bought breakfast burritos the next morning (so we wouldn't dirty the kitchen again for a little while). In spite of all our efforts, the physical outcome of my stress continued to worsen. I was falling apart.
I turned to all my resources. I prayed. I talked to my husband. I prayed. I talked with my friends in Bible Study. I prayed. I made plans with friends. I talked to my husband some more. I prayed. For the first time in my life, I was not finding the words to articulate what was so wrong with me. I had no explanation. I was weary and felt like collapsing on the floor, in a puddle of tears.
Friday evening, I decided to just go to bed the minute The Referee returned home from work. I decided that I was just going to attempt to sleep the evening and the night away, and hope that the act of being in bed would help my body find the rest it desperately needed. I gave up trying to find a way to get my mind to stop racing. I climbed into bed and began to get cozy under the covers. Offering a casual thought as he was getting ready to leave the room, my husband gave me the solution to the problem that I did not realize I was struggling with.
He simply reminded me of the advice I once gave him (6 years ago). He said, "You know, there is really no way we are going to be able to prepare for tragedy. There is nothing we are going to be able to do now that will make it easier to deal with the tragedy if it happens."
So True.
Then he said, "You know, I was thinking that I'd like to spend more time making fun family memories during these next 6 months, instead of wasting the time waiting in fear."
I spent 2 hours laying in bed, letting his words seep around my head, destroying all my racing thoughts. My body was still tense, my heart was still heavy, my stomach was still knotted, but my thoughts were starting to clear.
Fun Family Memories
What a fantastic focus! It would be so much nicer to put all this restless energy into organizing fun things to do together, as a family. Together, making memories. That would be a much nicer way to spend these next 6 months while we wait for the surgery that is going to disrupt our way of life.
I jumped out of bed and met up with my family in the living room. After suggesting family movie night, we all loaded up in the van and ran to the store to pick up a cheese pizza and a couple DVD movies with Christmas themes. We added a bag of M&Ms for dessert. We stayed up late watching movies, munching on pizza & candy, cuddling together under blankets. It was fun!
By the time I returned to bed, I was beyond exhausted, but much happier. Unfortunately, I still did not sleep well. Since my head was much clearer, I was able to grasp what was still troubling me. I decided to get up and face it. I startled my husband by getting up at 4:30 am, but I was on a mission to face our reality. There were two stacks of papers piling up on the kitchen counter. Bills had been pouring in for the past 10 days. I had not even opened some of them. I was certain that I had built up the unknown to be much worse than necessary. I decided to get organized. I cleared off the table, moved the piles, and settled in and sorted. I made a stack of all of the insurance paperwork (knowing it is time to switch to a new insurance company). I made a stack of all the medical bills (knowing this was the payday that we would pay them in full). I made a stack of all of the coupons, flyers, and sales ads (knowing it is time to plan Christmas gifts to make certain we stay on budget). I was even able to throw out a stack of unnecessary paper trash.
By the time the family woke up, I had 3 neat, compact piles. I had a grasp on the medical bills, and they were not as a large as I had envisioned. The knot in my stomach was releasing. The Referee and I made a list of errands we each needed to run that day. We even planned a way to take a family photo for our Christmas cards! Already, my shoulder & neck muscles were starting to relax.
By lunch time, our family had completed a series of errands all around town, and were home together again. We ate lunch, bathed, and dressed in our matching shirts to take a family picture. Our afternoon was spent visiting friends...first to have a friend take our picture, followed by enjoying ourselves at 2 different birthday parties. My tensions were eased by all we accomplished. My energy was enhanced by all of that social interaction! (I'm an extrovert!) My belly was full from those great meals I did not have to prepare. My heart was full of the love of our friends, and the joy of having fun as a family! By the time we loaded back up into the van to return home, I was pleasantly exhausted and looking forward to some real sleep.
I went to bed an hour earlier than usual, and slept very well. My heart was filled with love and joy. My stomach had no trace of knots. My muscles relaxed and found rest. My mind completed the race and found rest. I thanked God for all His blessings in my life, especially for my husband...whose logical suggestion helped me find rest.
This past week has been a struggle for me. The stress had consumed me. I was exhausted by dinner time, going to bed early with a headache, tossing and turning, startling awake repeatedly as my mind raced through the details of our life, and waking up with a headache. I was nauseous during most of the daylight hours. My shoulder and neck muscles were tense.
I tried to distract myself by going through the motions of my daily life. I tried to focus on fixing any physical needs I was lacking--making sure to eat regular meals, attempting to go to bed an hour early to gain more sleep, drinking more fluids in case the headaches were from dehydration, taking Tylenol and Motrin to curb the headaches, drinking caffeinated soda to try to curb the headaches, working out to an in-home walking DVD I have (trying to relax my muscles, and get my circulation flowing). The Referee massaged my shoulders and neck. He offered to tend to any children at night, so I could sleep. He even cleaned up the kitchen one night, and bought breakfast burritos the next morning (so we wouldn't dirty the kitchen again for a little while). In spite of all our efforts, the physical outcome of my stress continued to worsen. I was falling apart.
I turned to all my resources. I prayed. I talked to my husband. I prayed. I talked with my friends in Bible Study. I prayed. I made plans with friends. I talked to my husband some more. I prayed. For the first time in my life, I was not finding the words to articulate what was so wrong with me. I had no explanation. I was weary and felt like collapsing on the floor, in a puddle of tears.
Friday evening, I decided to just go to bed the minute The Referee returned home from work. I decided that I was just going to attempt to sleep the evening and the night away, and hope that the act of being in bed would help my body find the rest it desperately needed. I gave up trying to find a way to get my mind to stop racing. I climbed into bed and began to get cozy under the covers. Offering a casual thought as he was getting ready to leave the room, my husband gave me the solution to the problem that I did not realize I was struggling with.
He simply reminded me of the advice I once gave him (6 years ago). He said, "You know, there is really no way we are going to be able to prepare for tragedy. There is nothing we are going to be able to do now that will make it easier to deal with the tragedy if it happens."
So True.
Then he said, "You know, I was thinking that I'd like to spend more time making fun family memories during these next 6 months, instead of wasting the time waiting in fear."
I spent 2 hours laying in bed, letting his words seep around my head, destroying all my racing thoughts. My body was still tense, my heart was still heavy, my stomach was still knotted, but my thoughts were starting to clear.
Fun Family Memories
What a fantastic focus! It would be so much nicer to put all this restless energy into organizing fun things to do together, as a family. Together, making memories. That would be a much nicer way to spend these next 6 months while we wait for the surgery that is going to disrupt our way of life.
I jumped out of bed and met up with my family in the living room. After suggesting family movie night, we all loaded up in the van and ran to the store to pick up a cheese pizza and a couple DVD movies with Christmas themes. We added a bag of M&Ms for dessert. We stayed up late watching movies, munching on pizza & candy, cuddling together under blankets. It was fun!
By the time I returned to bed, I was beyond exhausted, but much happier. Unfortunately, I still did not sleep well. Since my head was much clearer, I was able to grasp what was still troubling me. I decided to get up and face it. I startled my husband by getting up at 4:30 am, but I was on a mission to face our reality. There were two stacks of papers piling up on the kitchen counter. Bills had been pouring in for the past 10 days. I had not even opened some of them. I was certain that I had built up the unknown to be much worse than necessary. I decided to get organized. I cleared off the table, moved the piles, and settled in and sorted. I made a stack of all of the insurance paperwork (knowing it is time to switch to a new insurance company). I made a stack of all the medical bills (knowing this was the payday that we would pay them in full). I made a stack of all of the coupons, flyers, and sales ads (knowing it is time to plan Christmas gifts to make certain we stay on budget). I was even able to throw out a stack of unnecessary paper trash.
By the time the family woke up, I had 3 neat, compact piles. I had a grasp on the medical bills, and they were not as a large as I had envisioned. The knot in my stomach was releasing. The Referee and I made a list of errands we each needed to run that day. We even planned a way to take a family photo for our Christmas cards! Already, my shoulder & neck muscles were starting to relax.
By lunch time, our family had completed a series of errands all around town, and were home together again. We ate lunch, bathed, and dressed in our matching shirts to take a family picture. Our afternoon was spent visiting friends...first to have a friend take our picture, followed by enjoying ourselves at 2 different birthday parties. My tensions were eased by all we accomplished. My energy was enhanced by all of that social interaction! (I'm an extrovert!) My belly was full from those great meals I did not have to prepare. My heart was full of the love of our friends, and the joy of having fun as a family! By the time we loaded back up into the van to return home, I was pleasantly exhausted and looking forward to some real sleep.
I went to bed an hour earlier than usual, and slept very well. My heart was filled with love and joy. My stomach had no trace of knots. My muscles relaxed and found rest. My mind completed the race and found rest. I thanked God for all His blessings in my life, especially for my husband...whose logical suggestion helped me find rest.
I am glad you found the rest you needed!
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