I stink at potty training (no pun intended). It is one of my motherhood jobs that I greatly dislike. I do enjoy the results of potty training. I just do not enjoy the process. That being said, Jersey #4 is clearly my easiest child to potty train. I would like to think it is because I have grown so patient and mature as a mother through the years. But, I am guessing it has more to do with the fact that Jersey #4 is our most meticulous, clean child. She was eager to wear underwear, eager to sit on the potty, and eager to be a big girl. We casually “practiced” a few months ago when she seemed interested. But she did not make that connection to what actually constitutes potty success until last week. I had predicted that as soon as she had that first idea of what I was talking about, she would catch on and run with it. I love it when I am right!
Potty training did not always go so smoothly for me…
Years ago, when Jersey #1 was old enough for potty training, I learned the hard way that potty training success seems to vary depending on how it is defined. I thought a potty trained child was one who could recognize the need, get themselves to the bathroom, accurately use the toilet, and call to me to be wiped and to supervise hand washing. My, was I mistaken! I could not figure out why my Jersey #1 was not “potty trained” like all her friends appeared to be (according to their Moms). It took a couple of those “potty train in 1 day” articles to open my eyes to the fact that a potty trained child (by definition) may actually only be a child who understands what is expected of them, not one that actually does what is expected of them. There is a BIG difference!
Jersey #1 understood fully what was expected of her—she simply refused.
Thus began my potty training woes. There was added pressure from the grandparent generation...
"Back in my day, girls were potty trained at 18 months old. We didn't wait like parents do now. Everyone was potty trained by age 2."
There was added pressure from other Moms who claimed their daughters were already potty trained. They offered all of their advice on what worked for them—bribery with candy or stickers, special juice, etc. I had tried all those things, yet Jersey #1 refused to use the potty chair or the toilet. She insisted on Pull-ups.
There was added pressure from the parenting books and websites who listed all the signs your child is ready for potty training. According to those lists, Jersey #1 was ready. [One cool indicator I learned much later, from the gymnastics teacher, is that when a child is able to jump, with both feet off the ground, from the standing position, they have the abdominal muscle control/physical development to begin potty training].
Our family doctor advised to wait until it was her idea. He was in no hurry to reach potty training success by any specific developmental age. He assured me that Jersey #1 would not be in Pull-ups in high school. I liked his idea, but I was leery. So, I kept trying. I grew too frustrated. I started just throwing away the yucky soiled underwear, because I could not stand it. Ick. I finally gave up. I admitted defeat. I announced to The Referee that we had failed as parents. We were unable to potty train our 2 ½ year old, and she would be going off to college in diapers! I hung my head and put her back in Pull-ups, and I didn’t consider underwear again for an entire month.
Then, one day, out of the blue, Jersey #1 insisted that she wanted to wear underwear instead of a Pull-up. I informed her that the only way she was going to be permitted to wear underwear was if she kept them dry. She agreed. She was almost instantly potty trained at that point.
I say “potty trained” loosely. She understood what was expected of her. She tried to be successful. She continued to have accidents, only they became fewer and further apart over time. She was nearly 3 when she was potty trained with the independence that I had originally desired. It was then, that I was informed that some of her peers were still having accidents??? It was then that I learned about the varying definitions of “potty trained”.
I did not recover from that experience quickly. I was so resistant to take on that challenge again, that Jersey #2 had to practically potty train herself. She would follow her sister in to the bathroom and sit on the potty chair at the same time her sister was using the toilet. One day, she accidentally used the potty properly….we cheered and celebrated….and I continued to put her in Pull-ups. She became very successful at using the potty, and keeping her Pull-ups dry, so I eventually gave in to letting her wear underwear. She was also nearly 3 when she was potty trained with great independence.
I won’t even discuss how much patience it takes to potty train a boy. I am still recovering from that trauma of Jersey #3! I didn’t even bother to attempt with him until he was well past age 2. He was not successful until he was past age 3. Even now, at age 4, we are still working on his aim. I shudder to bring up those memories right now. So, that will have to be another post….in the distant future!
Jersey #4 was flushing toilets and asking to use the potty for months before she turned 2. I would let her sit on the toilet whenever she asked. She sat there almost a full second before she proudly announced she was done. I finally bought her a potty chair just after her 2nd birthday. This time around, I am in no hurry. I am much more casual about the process. I am thankful she has made the connection about what is expected of her. I celebrate the small successes more. I am certain that the number of accidents will decrease over time. [I still throw away those really icky soiled underwear.]
Through the years, I have heard some brilliant potty training ideas from other parents. Some parents embrace the duty and are quite creative with their motivation methods. Here are a few that impress me the most…
- The Potty Train: Choo-Choo together like a train on the way to the bathroom for each potty attempt.
- Gatorade/Soda/Juice: Any form of “special” drink that you don’t normally offer your child can be your special potty training juice. Notice these beverages also encourage frequent urination, to help learn the concept with frequent trips to the potty in a short amount of time.
- Movies/books/toys: A nice distraction to keep the child on the potty longer, so that there is a greater chance of accidentally using the potty properly while being entertained. I have also used a Popsicle for this reason. Jersey #3 is food motivated, and he would sit still long enough to eat a Popsicle on the potty.
- Peer pressure: Kids seem to potty train easier when they observe other kids. Many Moms find it easier to let the group daycare providers do the bulk of the training. Friends, siblings, and cousins can also provide good potty training role models.
- Rewards (aka: Bribery): stickers, candy, special toys, given for every success on the potty. One Mom would let her daughter pick out a sticker for her own body, and also a sticker to decorate the toilet lid with each potty success. Their toilet looked very pretty during those potty training months.
[Rewards are often needed most for bowel movement issues. Find the thing that motivates your child. Jersey #3 loves trains. Letting him pick from a bucket of trains each time he was successful on the potty, created great motivation for him. Stickers and candy did not have the same effect.]
Celebrate the successes and be encouraging with the accidents. Hugs, kisses, and high-fives go a long way! Jersey #4 smiles real big, while I clap and cheer. Once she is wiped and dressed again, she runs to me with arms open wide and says “Me Hug!” She giggles while I give her a big bear hug.
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