I Laughed

On Friday afternoon, I laughed.

It was a great feeling.  A big, hearty laugh.  To feel that much humor and amusement.  To enjoy the topic of conversation, and the company, and the moment.  It was awesome!

I have been thinking about that laugh ever since.

Something changed inside of me when I laughed.

For a moment, I allowed myself to enjoy life again.  I put my guard down.  

It has been a while since I have felt that way.  Certainly, the first time this year.  Possibly the first time in a few years.

The impact that moment of spontaneous laughter has had on me has been huge.  On some academic level, I am sure it signifies an element of acceptance in the grieving process.  To be able to accept life the way it is, and to continue forward is a nice point to achieve.  To enjoy life again.  To have joy again.  It has been a while, and it feels good to feel that good again.

Personally, I love to laugh.  So, to finally achieve that ability again, was incredible.  I feel like I have conquered something.  Conquered sadness?  Conquered grief?  Conquered disappointment?  I have no idea.  But, all of a sudden, I feel like a warrior.  New doors and new emotions have been re-opened to me.  I do not fully know how to describe it, but I absolutely love it!

That element of laughter returning to my life has drastically improved my attitude.  

In an instant, I am Ok with the way things are going in my life right now.  Of course, it is not ideal.  But, it is still good.  I can live, and grow, and be.  I am no longer just trying to survive crisis.  

I can count my blessings again.  They are abundant.

My children were so surprised by my laughter.  They just stared at me with puzzled expressions.  A couple children asked me if I was Ok.  Jersey #1 even asked The Referee if I was Ok.  We both had to assure her that I was just fine, and that I was just laughing.  I laughed myself to tears, and that really freaked the kids out.  They are used to seeing me cry.  They were not sure what to do when I was crying and laughing simultaneously.  

Tears of joy.

It has been a long time since I have had those.

What a difference laughter makes.